Monday 30 December 2013

Martin - Will's Review

A tough one to review this week, as I can see what the filmmakers were trying to do, and it was an interesting idea, but the end result seems to be something that's far easier to appreciate, than to actually enjoy. 

Martin appears to all the world to be a shy young man in his early 20's, in reality, he is a killer, who drugs women, cuts them, and drinks their blood; we know for sure that Martin does these thing, we see it happen in one of the movies first scenes. 

While we are sure of what Martin does, less certain is what he <i>is</i>... Most of Martins family (and even Martin himself> believe he is an 80+ year old vampire vampire; whether this is true, a group delusion in response to murderace tendencies, or even a family superstition which is the cause of his mental state and murdorous behaviour is never clear, and forms the bulk of the movies interest. 

I enjoyed the portrayal of Martin as a shy, oddly disquieting, character, but (think the paper thin story) it would have been better suited to a one hour short film than an almost two hour feature. 

Savini takes credit for special effects, but I'm really not sure why he was hired for the job, as there's little in the way of effects to tax eve a novice SFX student. 

It's the kind of movie I cani magine the type of film I can imagine someone watching for fun, in their lesure time.  

That said, the rest of the internet seems to have nothing but nice things to say about the film, so  what do I know?

Sunday 29 December 2013

Saturday 28 December 2013

Lets scare Jessica to death - Lisa's Review


I have watched 2 movies from our Time Out list very closely together and I have to say, I haven't been overly enamoured with either.  I really hope it's just not my mood, but this one was monumentally awful as well!  Who the hell is choosing these movies ffs?

This movie follows Jessica (Zohra Lambert) who has just got out of a mental institution having spend 6 months in there.  She leaves New York with her husband Duncan (Barton Heyman) and they head for a house in the much quieter, peaceful Connecticut.  They also take along a hippy friend Woody (Kevin O'Connor).

When they arrive at the house, they discover a drifter called Emily (Mariclare Costello) has been squatting there.  A usual reaction would be to call the police, or at the very least, tell her the get the **** out of there.  What do this couple do?  Invite her to stay with them of course!!  The hippy-dippy, arty-farty mood continues through the entire movie, which is most probably a front runner in why I wasn't impressed.  I hate movies like this.

Jessica hears voices and sees a woman in white regularly.  I get that it is suppose to be forboding and eerie, but the over emphasised whispering  "Jeeeeeeeeeeeesicaaaaaaaaaaaa" was nothing short of laughable.  I felt like I was watching a horror pantomime.



We are left to wonder if this woman is indeed real or is a figment of Jessicas already established fractured mind.  We do find out in due course, but I won't ruin it for any masochist  who actually wants to sit through this.

Emily turns out to be something of a harlot and has her way with any man in the general vicinity. We also become aware of all the men in the village bearing odd marks or scars.  Have these scars anything to do with Emily?  Hmmmmmmmm.

I won't give away the ending,but I felt like it petered out rather than went out with a bang, which is probably the worst way you can go.   The end scene is very similar to the opening scene of the movie.  I guess we're left to wonder if we've just watched the contents of Jessicas fractured mind or did it all really happen.

You know what?  I don't really care.  Avoid.

Friday 27 December 2013

Martin (1978) Review - Lisa's Review


I've had a veritable plethora of emotions surrounding this movie.  First off, I read the title and the year and was resigned that we were back to the old days of dated, old rubbish.  I looked a bit closer and saw it was a Romero movie.  It also has a part for Tom Savini, which seems to be a given in Romero movies.  I thought it was maybe a good omen as most other movies which have similar statistics were quite good.

After I watched the movie I had a look at some reviews to see how my viewpoint rated.  Seems like I was watching something entirely different than the vast majority of reviewers.  I read everything from "It's my favourite vampire movie" to "A wonderful modern day vampire story" to "One of Romeros best".

So I come right out and say it, I thought this movie was terrible.  The lead actor who played Martin (John Amplas) was repugnant in his attitude, expressions, way he carried himself... he just felt repellant to me.  Surely this character should have had some kind of sexual pull on females given his role in the movie.

Our basic premise centers around Martin drugging young women and either slicing them with razors and drinking their blood (which is clearly portrayed as a sexual thing) or raping them.  Where the comparison to classic vampires is here, I have no idea.  The movie, to me just seemed like a poorly made excuse to show some young attractive flesh and a bit of blood.

I found the storyline lacking and the other actors in the farce to be laughable, especially a male relative of his who is convinced he is evil, a vampire who can be repelled by garlic, crucifixes and holy water.

Martin goes through the movie doing much of the same until he finally relents to the advances of a bored middle-aged housewife.  Yawn.....

Some may say the ending is a bit of a surprise, but to be honest, following the usual direction of these kind of movies, I saw it coming a mile off.

So in short, I am definately not a fan of this movie.  In actual fact, I would advise anyone to avoid it.  Maybe had Martin been cast as someone else and had he been a bit older, it would have been palatable, but in its current state - No Thankyou.

Sunday 22 December 2013

Wednesday 18 December 2013

Week 135 - Martin (1976)



Reviews / Author Comments due: 21/12//2013
Position on TimeOut list: 87
More Info: Wikipedia, IMDB
DVD: Link

TRAILER:



Saturday 14 December 2013

The Mist - Will's Review

I'm sure I've mentioned this before but I love a good base under siege story... And this is a great base under siege story.

The base is a supermarket, and the thing it's under siege from is... Well that's best left a surprise. Suffice to say that a dense fog falls on a the small Maine town that said supermarket is in, and either the fog, or somthing in the fog, is deadly.

As is always the case with bases under siege, it isn't long before the best and worst of humanity start to show, with heavy emphasis on the worst, and it isn't long before staying in the supermarket starts to look almost as bad as heading out into the fog.

Any more than that, you really are better off not knowing, so don't hit the jump until you've seen the film, or if you don't like to go in cold.
Introductions to the main players were, for my money, the perfect length; neither leaving us with so little information that we don't know enough about neighbours David and Brent, nor spending so long that we're desperate for something to happen. In fact, the whole film is very well paced, with its 4 act structure giving us a big event about every half hour.

The appearance of the fog is heralded by an air-raid siren, which made me cringe a little at first. Don't get me wrong, an air raid siren and sudden dense fog is a great audio-visual; scare it's just that it's been a great audio-visual scare back in 1999 when it became a mainstay of the Silent Hill franchise. Thankfully, it only happens the once, and is actually justifiable by context once the origin of the fog is discovered.

From seemingly supernatural beginnings, the story moves firmly into monster-movie territory, before finally taking a Lovecraftian turn, while the supermarket full of people face increasing challenges, from social breakdown as well as illness and injury, as well as the mounting threat from outside.

The ending is close to perfect, barring one small point (big spoiler, so highlight to read) There is a suicide pact, but one character can't die because they only have 4 bullets, and there are 5 people. I'm pretty sure you could kill 5 people with 4 bullets, especially when one if them is a kid; have someone hug the kid, and fire the first shot through both of their heads.

A great film, which I really enjoyed, my only issue was that the cast were almost entirely a little bit famous: not famous enough to be instantly recognisable, but enough to set you off thinking "where do I know him from" when you should be concentrating on the plot.

The Mist - Lisa's Review

When I saw the title of this weeks movie, I was relieved. Not another really oooooold movie. It's no secret I'm not usually a fan. There are obvious exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, I don't enjoy them.

The Mist is a movie I have seen twice previously and I re-watched it again tonight to refresh my memory. I remembered enjoying it and the refresher reminded me why.
I don't want to give away too much about this movie (especially the ending), as this is actually a movie worth taking the time to watch and giving away the ending would spectacularly spoil it.
The story is taken from a novella by Stephen King, which was originally a part of a collection of short stories. It was published in its own right in preparation for the movie release. A bit of background... I used to be a big Stephen King fan. In the days of 'Christine', 'Pet Semetary', 'Maximum Overdrive', 'Firestarter', 'The Shining'. Then something happened and he started coming out with complete drivel - 'The Flight of the Langoliers' being an awesome example! The last thing I remember watching by Stephen King and enjoying was 'The Stand'. Anyway, I deviate. This is one of the few decent thing he has done which was released in 2007. Turns out it was included in a short story compilation in 1980 so must have been written in the good old days. Explains why it was actually not bad!

The basic premise here involves a quite large group of citizins of Maine (Any fans of Mr King will recognise his obsession with this particular place). There has been a bad storm and a freakish mist has moved in causing zero visibility. Following the storm, inhabitants of Maine have rushed to the local Supermarket to gather supplies. This is the main setting for our movie.

We have a diverse bunch of folks holed up in the supermarket, who irritatingly all look extremely familiar as we've seen them all in something else. We have 2 women from 'The Walking Dead' here, as well as individuals from shows and movies you can't quite remember so it takes a while to drop that irritation that is trying to work out where you've seen them before.

It becomes clear pretty early on that there are some 'not very nice' things in the mist. It also becomes evident that leaving the supermarket to attempt to reach your car, is really not a good idea, as illustrated by the demise of an impatient young man when the situation first arises. This terrifies everyone else into non-action. This is illustrated by a young mothers desperate pleas for help to get to her car having left her 8 year old at home. She told her she would only be a few minutes. No-one steps up, even when begged directly. Everyone seems to be out for themselves.

I won't go into various happenings to spoil the story for you, but we lose more people and get a glimpse at what we're dealing with in the mist. That is the only thing that spoiled any aspect of this movie for me. The first reveal of one of the culprits is very disappointing and lets the rest of the movie down terribly. I try to overlook it though as I really did enjoy the rest of the movie.


The situation brings out the innermost characters of the folk in the supermarket. A erratic and crazy religious nut convinces half of the group that the end is nigh and what is happening is some kind of armageddon. She wants a sacrifice to be made to god to save them. This sacrifice obviously includes a child, but the people who side with her don't seem to see the ludicrousness of this. The other group are obviously our main leads who fight against this woman to try to bring things to a more peaceful end.

What happens in the next 10 minutes makes the movie for me. It's unexpected (at least for me) and I felt it was very powerful. I won't give it away, but it is really worth watching and if you're like me it will leave you with a very strong emotion. This movie certainly doesn't peter out. It's one of those ending I liked and didn't all at the same time.  If you want to find out how the movie ends, highlight the text below.

Eventually, the more sensible group (consisting of a man and his son, Andrea from The Walking Dead and an old couple) decide they need to brave the outside.  As they drive along in the ever enveloping mist, we get to see glimpses of the creatures that have been lurking there.  Although far fetched, they don't have the ridiculous rubberiness of the purple tentacled beast who we met in the supermarket.  It manages some of the tension we experienced with the giant beastie in Cloverfield (if indeed you have watched Cloverfield).   There are bodies entombed in spiderweb everywhere.  There seems to be no escape.  A gun with 4 bullets is in the car.  It seems like the only answer.  However there are 5 people in the car.  The dad in the group says he'll work something out.  We see flashes from outside the car and hear 4 gun shots.  The father stumbles from the car covered in blood spatter, having just killed the old couple, the young woman and his own son.

As he wanders off in despair, the mist seems to clear and we see soldiers in tanks who have killed and are burning the monsters.  The woman who originally asked for help in the supermarket is on one of the tanks.  If they had waited a few more minutes they would have been saved, so he killed his son for no reason.  Heartbreaking :(  This is where the movie ends.  Although it's not the most pleasant of endings, I felt it was a really powerful one and was in keeping with the general mood of the movie.

In conclusion, I really enjoyed this movie and will most probably watch it again in the future. Apart from one small disappointment with some special effects early on in the movie, I can heartilly recommend it. Thumbs up from me.





Wednesday 11 December 2013

Week 134 - The Mist



Reviews / Author Comments due: 14/12/2013
Position on TimeOut list: 88
More Info: WikipediaIMDB
DVD: Link

TRAILER:





Monday 9 December 2013

The Black Cat - Will's Review

In real life, Bela Lugosi was incredibly resentful of Boris Karloff; Lugosi had originally been last as the creation in 1931's Frankenstein, but knocked the roll back, feeling that an actor of his caliber should not have to work under such heavy makeup. When The Uncanny Karloff shot to superstardom, Lugosi became convinced that it was the roll alone that was responsible, and that he was the superior actor of the two, and therefore more deserving of Karloff's fame. Ironically, Lugosi would go on to play the creation in the 5th Universal Frankenstein movie, the Frankenstein meets The Wolfman, and give (IMO) the worst rendition of the creature in any of the 9 movies). 

If The Black Cat teaches us anything, it is that Lugosi is not the superior actor of the two (research still pending about what bears get upto in the woods) as Lugosi, as always, plays himself, compleat with weird accent (a result of him trying to disguise his natural Hungarian accent). 


While I'm on 30's film history, I may as we'll mention the acting style common in the day (I was reminded if this when Lisa asked me " is massive overacting normal in 30's movies.". Watch enough of them and you'll stop noticing it, but yes, it's common, and is the result of two things; firstly, actors of the time tended to start as stage actors, and we're used to having to project to a roomful of people without the benefit of amplifiers and close-ups, and secondly; they were really still figuring out how to make movies (especially talkies). The subtleties of film making which seem so obvious to us now, only seem obvious because filmmakers have had 100 years to practice and build on the work of others, and audiences are used to seeing the result of all this progress. 

But, enough general early movie history, what of The Black Cat?

While the opening credits tell us that the movie is "Suggested by" the Poe story of the same name, the truth is that this movie shares nothing with the shots story, save its title, and the fact that the eponymous animal makes an appearance (albeit a brief, and unnecessary one). 

Instead, the story here sees newlyweds Peter and Joan have to share a train compartment with Dr. Vitus Werdegast (Béla Lugosi).  18 years before, Werdegast had left his wife to fight in World War 1. Werdegast explains that he is traveling to see an old friend, Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), an Austrian architect. 

When Joan is injured, the doctor and Peter take her to Poelzig's home, which built on the ruins of Fort Marmorus, which Poelzig commanded during the war, and which Werdgast believes Poelzig betrayed to the Russians, resulting in the death of thousands of Hungarians and his own capture. 

Poelzig, of course has his share if secrets (not necessarily relating to the war) and the remainder of the movie evolves around these secretes, and the four characters resulting involvement in them. 

Sadly, at a meagre 65 minuets, the movie still feels drawn out, and I found my attention wondering, the movies main saving grace is it's near-constant musical score which, while I can see some would find distracting, I found lent a great atmosphere to a film that would be sadly lacking one otherwise.  

Highlights include a symbolic chess match between the leads, and Karloff at an organ, in a scene which surely inspired the famous scene from The Abominable Dr. Phibes. 

Once again, I'm wondering how this one ended up on the lest. 


Saturday 7 December 2013

The Black Cat - Lisa's Review


I start this weeks review with a yawn already firmly settled around my mouth.  This yawn started when I discovered this weeks movie was from 1934 and will hopefully disappear when I have completely the review.

Given that this weeks movie contains horror icons Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi, some may cry 'Sacralige!'  Sadly I cannot muster much enthusiasm for this movie even after having sat through it.  I can only be grateful it lasted just over an hour (about an hour too long IMO).  Don't get me wrong, I can say something positive.  The movie looks visually beautiful.  I am a lover of the style, dress and makeup from that era, but that's where my love affair with this movie ends.

For those of you unlike myself, who actually enjoy ventures into really old B&W horror, the plotline condensed very briefly is as follows:
A couple are travelling by train in Hungary on their honeymoon.  They are having the most romantic of times until, due to a mixup a stranger must share their carraige for the journey.

The stranger turns out to be a psychiatrist (Lugosi) who left his wife behind to fight in WW1 and subsequently spent 15 years in a prison camp.  He is travelling to visit an old friend, who is an architect (Karloff).

Later the bus our friends are sharing crashes and we all end up at the very impressive home of our architect.  That's when things start to get very strange.

It transpires that Lugosis visit to Karloff (sorry for using actors names, if you knew the character names, you'd understand) was not just a simple catching up with an old friends, but he blames Karloff for stealing his wife when he was at war.    There is also questions as to the whereabouts of his daughter. Turns out Karloff is one weird son-of-a-bitch.  He has glass cases with women in all over his house.

Just when you think things aren't wierd enough, Lugosi almost has kittens (pardon the pun) any time he sees a cat!  He either feels compelled to kill the cat, or thrash about all Rita Hayworth like with his hands over his eyes.  Wierd, wierd shit.

I won't give away anything more, but needless to say, this is a wierd, fucked-up movie.  It is overacted all the way through.  Even though it is very odd, I was still bored senseless.  What didn't help at all was the incessant, droning, depressive movie score.  I don't think it was quiet for the whole duration of the movie!

In conclusion.  I didn't think I would like this and I didn't.  Would I give it an 'Avoid' - No, purely because of its lead actors and the fact that the only people who would seek this out would be people who really wanted to see it due to the actors.  My opinion is not very likely to make any difference there at all.

Not for me, but may be for you.

Wednesday 4 December 2013

Tuesday 3 December 2013

Daughters of Darkness - Will's review

I saw "The Hunger Games: Catching Fire" the other day (review due at The Cinephilliacs soon) and I was glad to find it fast paced. Why? Because honestly, I was starting to think I had ADD; it seems every film I see lately is (or good or bad) slow paced. 

Had I not had a reminder that it really isn't me, this film would have cemented my fears as, one again, i found my attention drifting from the screen in front of me. 


Valerie and Stefan are a newly wed couple, Stefan is the son if a British aristocrat, they are making their way back from Sweden to his family home, to introduce his new bride to his mother. Due to a delayed train, they miss their connecting flight, and are forced to spend the night in an hotel - something that Stefan is quite happy with, as he obviously does not want his family to meet Valerie anyway. 

It's quiet season at the hotel, and at first the newlyweds are the only guest, before ling though, they are joined by Countess Elizabeth Bathory (allegedly a descendent of /the/ Countess Elizabeth Bathory) and her traveling companion. The hotel's Concierge is convinced that the countess stayed in the same hotel some 40 years ago, back when he was a young bellboy, and that she has not changed at all. 

So, it's obvious from early on that it's a vampire movie, but it doesn't play like any other vampire movie I've ever seen - it's more how a giallo vampire movie might be (odd given that it has no Italian linage - it's a French / British / Belgique co production). 

Bathory instantly becomes obsessed with the couple particularly Valerie, almost forcing her friendship upon them. Meanwhile Stefan develops (or perhaps shows an existing) sadistic streak. 

There's not a lot else to say plot-wise, as the movie is mostly about the relationship between the 4 characters. 

Competently made, but dull, and only really counting as 'horror' by the skin of its teeth; once again, I'm left wondering why this one is on the list. 

Saturday 30 November 2013

Daughters of Darkness (1971) - Lisa's Review


I'm kind of torn this week with 'Daughters of Darkness'.  I thought when we entered the Time Out Top 100, we would be moving away from these kind of movies.  When I say 'these kind of movies' I mean dated, supposedly erotic, weak horrors.  The reason I am torn is, while watching the movie, I could see many reasons to give it a decent review - it has an impressive set, is beautifully shot, the 4 main players in the movie are all incredibly attractive, the colours jump off the screen at you.  It is beautiful to look at, but that's where I draw a line with compliments.

This movie is very highly rated, but it just isn't the sort of movie I enjoy or would choose to watch.  I suppose I've kind of had it with dated horrors with casual lesbianism thrown in.

In the movie, a young couple, Stefan and Valerie, stop off at a very large, very impressive and very empty hotel.  We are given an idea of their characters and it seems Stefan is a bit of an arse and the impossibly beautiful Valerie is very sweet and naive.  The couple are just married, but Stefan seems to have severe reservations about introducing Valerie to his mother.

Enter the very sophisticated, alluring Elizabeth Bathory (yes, that one) and her pretty maid Iona.   The hotel concierge is sure he remembers Elizabeth from many years ago when he was a young boy, but she hasn't changed at all in these years.  We learn that the secret to her beauty lies in the blood of young virgins... you know the story....

Elizabeth attempts to get closer to the attractive young couple by first seducing Stefan (not at all difficult it seems), then she moves on to her main interest, the beautiful Valerie.  Iona also makes her move on Stefan (who isn't winning any awards for husband of the year) and he succumbs again.

The movie is basically a mix of arthouse (which is what I think put me off) and seduction.  I wouldn't think I was giving anything away by telling you that Elizabeth Bathory is a vampire.  We know she is seeking the blood of young virgins.  Stefan is hardly a virgin, so we can see where the movie is headed.  I wouldn't categorize the movie as horror at all.  There is very little in the way of horror here.  It wouldn't even be considered as particularly erotic these days.

I can see why men would love this movie.  It is after all the stuff of fantasies, but there was very little here for me to get excited about.

One plus with the movie is that it doesn't end as you would imagine.  That was what had me torn.  It lost its element of predictability.  As fellow blogger Will often says, the presence of an unexpected and cool ending sometimes saves a mediocre movie.  Well this is the case for me.

Would I recommend it?  To guys who like older, classic or Hammer movies, yea sure.  This is where I feel it's appeal ends though.  It's not an avoid by any means, but it just didn't float my boat.

Thursday 28 November 2013

Sunday 24 November 2013

The Fog - Will's Review.

Writer / Director John Carpenter, Producer Deborah Hill, and Actress Jamie Lee Curtis; the Halloween Gang are out in force on this one!

Some opening exposition comes in the form of a man scaring children with ghost stories: specifically the tale of how the founding fathers of their town had used a false beacon to lure a ship to its doom in order to loot it. The plundered gold was used to build thier town; one hundred years ago to the day.
As the clock strikes midnight and the town experiences all manor of phenomenon; car alarms go off, people loose electricity, windows break themselves... and a mysterious fog bank forms out to sea.

We quickly learn that the fog carries the ghosts of the wrecked ship, and that they are intent on having their revenge on the town that killed them.

Along the way we learn more specifics about the ghostly crew, an the full extent of the town's betrayal of them.

The whole thing is very unusually paced; there's always something going on, or some new revelation, yet somehow the movie feels like it plods along at a fairly relaxed pace. It doesn't necessarily suffer for it, mind, in fact I rather enjoyed it's slower pace; it wasn't until I thought about the film afterward that I realised how deceptive the apparent pace was.

The fog itself is a great device; fog always looks spooky, and it allows a ghost story to be told without having to see too much of the ghosts (we see them mostly in silhouette).

Performances are sound all around, most especially Adrienne Barbeau, as Stevie, DJ / owner of the local radio station.

The only real negative is the movie's brief epilogue, which undermines the films dramatic conclusion simply to squeeze in an extra kill.

Overall though, well worth watching.

Saturday 23 November 2013

The Fog (1980) - Lisa's Review


*** SPOILERS ***

So this week we're back to 1980 and to John Carpenters 'The Fog'.  I remember having watched this movie many years ago, but as always is the case with me, a few months after watching a movie, I've forgotten the entire content.  Needless to say, I had to revisit the movie in order to do a review.

This movie has obviously made an impression, as in the years which followed, we had a 2005 version of 'The Fog' and a remarkably similar concept in 'The Mist'.  Anyways, I deviate.

The movie is based around a seaside town of Antonio Bay which is celebrating its centennial.  The movie starts with an old man sat around a campfire with a group of children, telling a scary story, which is unfortunately not a work of fiction.

100 years ago, a group of men, including an ancestor of the towns priest, Father Malone, deliberately caused a ship called 'Elizabeth Dane' to crash into rocks.  They set a fire, which acted as a false beacon and ultimately led the ship and its crew to their deaths.  The ship was full of gold, which the men proceeded to steal and the town of Antonio Bay was built with these ill gotten gains.

The movie tells the story of the towns centennial celebrations which prompt the return of the perished crew to seek revenge from the townsfolk and reclaim what is rightfully theirs.

The cast consists of Father Malone, the towns priest and descendant of one of the original group of criminals, A female DJ Stevie Wayne with the sultriest of voices, Stevies son,  Nick Castle - all round good guy and Elizabeth Solley - an out of town pretty girl, who is picked up by Nick while hitch hiking.

Something I like about John Carpenters movies is the existence of strong female characters.  In horror, females are generally there to provide eye candy (although arguably this is probably the case here too), but also to be a shrieking, screaming mess in need of rescue from the male lead.  Thankfully, this isn't the case here, which is a plus right away.  He obviously also rates Jamie Lee Curtis as she makes a reappearance as a female lead in this movie after the success of her performance in Carpenters Halloween.

I seem to have digressed again... apologies.  Inexplicable things happen, electrical faults, public phones all ringing, devices switching themselves on, objects moving by themselves...  This is the first sign of all not being well.  As Nick gives Elizabeth a ride into town, the cars electrics start to fail and the windows shatter.

As we progress, the ghosts of the fallen crew return on the towns centennial and wreak havoc in the town as they appear in an eerie fog and slay anyone who gets in their way.  This starts with 3 fishermen when their boat is engulfed in an eerie glowing fog.   They see an old boat pull alongside them, which contains the ghosts of the fallen crew and they all meet their end within the fog.

The remainder of the movie follows the remaining characters struggling to survive through the existence of the fog and the attempts to send the ghosts back whence they came.  I won't go any more detail about the storyline in case our imaginary readers have yet to see the movie, but it is all pretty much what you'd expect.

Originally this movie was meant to be a more supernatural ghost story and not so much a horror containing gore, but the insistence was made to add more length to the movie and make it nastier and gorier for the audiences.  I for one, would have loved to see the original as I thought the kills didn't add to the story at all.  The movie would have been just as powerful had we seen nothing of how anyone met their end.  In actual fact, it may have been more powerful.

I love the ominous feel of the movie, the setting, the casting and the storyline.  I enjoyed it when I first watched this movie and again on a repeat viewing.  I would recommend anyone watch this as I struggle to think of much negative to say about this movie.

Lisa Recommends.

Thursday 21 November 2013

Sunday 17 November 2013

Threads - Will's Review

Originally released in 1984, when nuclear war looked frighteningly possible, even likely, Threads is a docu-drama by the BBC, detailing the possible effects of a nuclear strike, on Britain generally, and on 2 families in particular.

I vaguely remember this causing a bit of a fuss when it was shown on TV, and I seem to recall a big deal being made when it was repeated in the early 90's too; I finally saw it for the first time about 8 years ago, and again for this review. It isn't particularly a film that benefits from a second viewing, as much of its impact comes from the shock of the severity of the situation; but fear not, imaginary reader, as my memory of the firt time around is still clear 9 years later (truth be told, I could probably have 'cheated' and done this without a rewatch!).
It starts of reasonably soap-opera-ish, with our main characters deciding to marry because of an unplanned pregnancy, while their respective families deal with their versions feuds and problems. One thing that you don't normally here or see in dips though, are reports about the mounting difficulties between the west (specifically the US), and The Soviet Union.

Now, bear in mind that this was 1983. The world was locked in a Cold War that always seemed dangerously close to turning hot; in real life people had actually been sent the government produced booklets featured in the film, detailing what to do during nuclear attack (you were supposed to use the three minute warning to, amongst other things, remove most if your doors and use then to build a makeshift shelter).

As uncomfortable as this movie is to watch now, watching it then must have been almost too much to bear, and must have cost many people more than just the one night's sleep.

You see, in the movie we eventually take a detour from the soap style (and, thankfully, from real life) as the news reports become more prominent on the story, and more urgent in nature; This cumulates when the bomb hits.

If the initial strike is horrific, then I do not have words for the shockwave.

For all of the horrific images, for all of the human suffering, one of the most powerful images in the movie is that of a glass milk bottle on a doorstep, meal ring as the wave hits. (if you don't know why an empty milk bottle would be on your doorstep, ask your dad, you whippersnapper you.)

From there of course, it only gets worse; those killed in the blast are the lucky ones, as the movie goes into great detail about the breakdown if society, to radiation sickness, to nuclear winter. If anything, I suppose this is an apocalypse movie; but not the 'triumphant outpost of humanity' affair you're used to, where a group of heroes make the best of a bad situation; this is bleak, and realistic, and horrid; this is you or me, stuck in hell, watching everything we know fall apart.

The bleak realism of the movie is fairly typical of the British approach to the threat of nuclear war; while our US counterparts were taught to 'duck and cover' and that everything would be okay, the TV information films produced, but thankfully never aired for real (although they appear in the movie), instead told you to wrap your dead in plastic, and store them in a separate room until the fallout has calendar down enough to drag them outside and dig them a shallow grave.

The movie details further and further into the future and, for me, this is where it falls down. Everything up to the '2 years later' mark seems fair enough; but thereafter I can't help but feel they got carried away. By the '13 years later' segment, anyone born post-strike can't even talk properly, blurting out ill-formed words of broken English ("babby now!" For instance, means "I think the baby is coming"). While I get that education would be limited, I refuse to accept that children would no longer naturally learn to pick up the language from those around them.

Despite it's flawed ending though, it is a highly unpleasant, depressing, horrific, and very important movie; one which I strongly recommend that you watch (and one that should be mandatory viewing for anyone joining a political or military career path.)

Saturday 16 November 2013

Threads (1984) - Lisa's Review


This weeks movie from our 'Time Out 100 Best Horror movies' is a docu-style film made for BBC TV from 1984.  I seem to remember something vaguely about this from many years ago.  I know I hadn't seen the movie before, but I think I was most definately aware of the fact it had been made and caused quite the stir at the time.

The movie follows inhabitants of Sheffield, specifically 2 families, before, during and after the breakout of a Nuclear war between America and Russia.

As the movie starts we are brought into the homes of a couple of families and made aware of various situations and problems they have.  In the background we hear radio broadcasts and there are news reports.   These start as a background noise alongside the script, but soon become more and more prevalent as we are advised of the situation in Iran with regards to America & Russia.

The actual explosion itself, the damage, the deaths and the fallout are all shown in detail and make for sobering viewing.  Of course we've seen much, much gorier, bloodier scenes in other movies, but something about the documentary style in this movie, the location and the subject matter makes it all feel very close to home.  That's why this movie works so well.  It's possible.

You might say Vampires, Werewolfs and maniacs are the stuff of nightmares, but this movie is the stuff of real nightmares.  While watching it was almost impossible not to consider the thought of being in the situation yourself.  I found myself wondering what I would do?

As the different manners in which people die are played out and we are given text on screen (you remember that really irritating typewriter sound they used to play in 80's movies when text came up on a screen as if it was being typed? well, that!) giving us information, figures, timescales and effects.

Normally this sort of movie ends after the main event, tying things up nicely for us....not in this case.  We are given updates up to many years after the event and are told what has changed and what the effects have been.  It makes you think if this event were to ever happen, you'd prefer to die in the initial explosion.  They were the lucky ones....

The movie ends abruptly and with sobering reality.  It's one of those where, when you've finished watching it, you don't really know what to say, how to feel.  If I'm honest it made me feel thoroughly depressed.  The fact this is a real threat and completely possible is what makes this movie so effective.

I have given it a 'recommended' even though I can't say I felt brilliant after having watched it.  It's not a movie you're going to feel good about, but it definately is effective in what it sets out to do.  I can see why it made the Time Out Top 100 list.




Sunday 10 November 2013

Threads (1984)



Reviews / Author Comments due: 16/11/2013
Position on TimeOut list: 93
More Info: WikipediaIMDB
DVD: Link

NO TRAILER






Saturday 9 November 2013

God Told Me To - Will's Review.

I am bored stupid by police procedural dramas (CSI and it's ilk), but for some reason slap any kind of twist in there, and suddenly I'm won over (Lie to Me, The Mentalist); so the first third of this movie had me right on side.

Opening with a sniper taking out civilians in New York, we are introduced to Peter, a detective with NYPD. When Peter goes up to talk to the sniper, things are going well, until he asks the sniper why he had done this. The sniper simply offers "God told me to" then jumps to his death.

Slowly more reports of mass killings begin to come in, and in all cases the killer claims "God told me to".
This is where the police procedural stuff comes in, as we follow Peter in his investigation. He eventually discovers that all of the killers had spoken to the same man not long before commuting the acts, and he starts trying to look into this man's history.

It's an incredibly 70's movie; not in the lava-lamps and acid way, but in the way of good cops, crooked cops, eccentrically dressed (black) pimps, and fights in pool halls. See also the fashion, hair, and that very particular editing technique that has dated 70s drama in a specific

So far so appealing, even tapping into some of my anti-theistic leanings... What I this man really is God or the second coming, but he's just having people mindlessly killed?

Sadly, about a third of the way in, Peter's investigation takes a turn for the (low-rent) X-Files, as he gets second an third hand tales about a woman (possibly the man's mother) who sounds suspiciously like she was abducted by aliens.

By the final act the movie has degenerated into nonsensical sci-fi wank. It's a crying shame, because until this point it was an interesting (if unusual) movie.

God told me to - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

Simply reading the title of this weeks movie didn't fill me with much hope and sadly I was right in this case.

In 'God told me to' we follow a devout catholic (yet highly hypocritical) Detective as he investigates a number of murders which occur completely out of the blue by previously calm individuals.  The only thing that ties them together is that the perpetrators advise him that "God told me to do it.".  So there you have the premis in a nutshell.

I HATED this movie.  I hated everything about it.  The script, the actors, the feel, how dated it was, the soundtrack, the stunts, the pacing... As if all that wasn't enough, it seemed unable to stay within one genre, or even two.  It hoped about in and about so many genres I honestly lost count and lost any interest in counting.

This wasn't simply a cop movie, a thriller, a horror, a sci-fi movie, a drama.... it was a incompetant dalliance into each of these genres and not one I can imagine a fan of any of them would enjoy.

I just sat there willing something interesting to happen, but instead spent most of the movie confused and the rest of the time bored senseless.  Just when I thought I had lost the will to live and it couldn't get any more ridiculous and couldn't weaken the already impossibly weak storyline further, it proved me wrong again and again.

Did you get that I HATED this movie.  Don't waste your time.  I can't think of a good reason why anyone would put themselves through watching this by choice.  Big, Fat AVOID!!

Friday 8 November 2013

Invasion of the Body Snatchers - Will's Review

First of all, many apologies for the late review; Halloween weekend is not only one of the busiest weekend of the year at work, but also the first time in a loooong time I've been out. The busyness combined with drink and little sleep resulted in quite the recovery and catch-up period.

So, I was glad to be coming back to the 70's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers; a film I remember watching with my parents as a kid, and really enjoying.

Sadly, it seems that all I remembered was the last 15 minutes; until that point, things were pretty dull.

The story is decent enough (which explains why it seeming gets remade every 2 decades - with other versions in 1956, 1993 and 2007, as well as inspiring countless others.), seeing a race leave it's dying planet in the form of spores and hitch a ride on a solar wind to earth. Once on earth, the spores first assimilate plants, growing into a pink flower, and later synthesising and replacing humans.

Elizabeth is one if the first people to bring the flowers home; and one of the first people to notice something amis, as she becomes convinced that her husband is not her husband, her coworker Mathew (Donald Sutherland) dismisses her claims, but as he begins to encounter more and more people who claim that loved ones have been replaced, he begins to investigate.

The effects are great (especially for the age) with the partially-formed 'pod people' being second only to the moment when we find out what happens to the real bodies of those who have been replaced.

Sadly though, it's interesting premise and effects can't change the fact that it's bone-crushing dull for at least the first 2/3rds of its runtime, as those in the know try in effectively to convince others of what is going on. The movie really only picks up once the epidemic hits critical mass; indeed, it isn't until the last 30 minutes or so that Matthew starts to treat the situation with any real urgency, up to that point he seems happy to almost get on with his day and just mention it if it comes up.

A sadly wasted opportunity which, once again, doesn't live up to the promise of being in the "100 Best Horror Movies"

Wednesday 6 November 2013

Saturday 2 November 2013

Invasion of the Body Snatchers - Lisa's Review.


So we're departed from Shocktober and back to Time Outs Top 100 Horrors this week (phew!).

Before I was awash with relief and excitement, I should have watched this weeks movie.  That would have soon put me back in my box!  Dare I say it, I would rather watched Troll 2 again than sit through the sedative that is 'Invasion of the body snatchers (1978)'.

The impressive cast of this movie (including a young Jeff Goldblum - schwing!) could fool you into thinking that you are in for a treat, but sadly (in my case) that wasn't the case.

The movie is a remake of the 1956 adaptation of the book.  I haven't seen the original either, but have been informed by my other half that it is much superior.

A health inspector and his colleague work together to convince the authorities and others (with great difficulty) that individuals are being replaced by alien versions of themselves, devoid of any emotion.  This take over spreads rapidly throughout the city and it seems it won't be long until this lifeform from a dying planet won't be long in making earth their new residence)



I just found it very hard to stay interested.  I found the entire thing very dull, uninteresting and boring.  There wasn't even anything like bad acting or even a bad script to laugh at.  I couldn't even chuckle at the effects, as they were ok too.  I just couldn't get onboard with the movie at all.

I made myself sit up and pay attention several times, yet over and over felt my attention waning.  I don't know if this is any reflection on me or the movie.  However, Darren was far from impressed also, so you have the viewpoints of 2 people there.

This Top 100 isn't turning out to be so impressive as yet!  Please bring on something decent soon!!!

Sunday 27 October 2013

Saturday 26 October 2013


Best Worst Movie - Will's Review

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: BEST WORST MOVIES
In honour of Halloween, we're taking a special "Shocktober" break from the Time-Out 100 Best Horror films, to focus on some of the worst...

As with this weeks main movie, Troll 2, I first saw this back in 2010 for my own blog, but it's such a delight I was happy to use this opportunity to see it again.

The documentary is made by Michael Stephenson, the child 'star' of Troll 2 itself, and mostly follows George Hardy (Troll 2's father) as he (along with Stephenson) embark on a screening tour enjoying the, albeit dubious, fame that the movie has granted them.

The meet all of the major cast, and manage to convince most of them to come to a screening with them, even the movies sister, Connie Young, who is still an actress (but does not list Troll 2 on her CV).

Most of the cast are in a good place now; either getting on with their civilian lives, or as jobbing actors; sadly the same cannot be said of Margo Prey, Troll 2's on-screen mother. Prey's segment starts off hilarious, she still believes they made a great movie (comparing it unironically to Casablanca) and shed a tear remembering Stephenson playing a devastated child... pretty soon though it stop being funny, and starts being sad; she clearly isn't, mentally or emotionally, a well woman, convinced that she will one day return to acting, but deflecting any further questions with "it's complicated", and despite her dreams of returning to acting wants nothing more than "to move far far away, away from everyone". It's necessary that this footage was included, but it provides the movie with an unwelcome sadness and discomfort.

Aside from Margo, the only time we see thing go not-so-well for the former cast, is when they try working booths at Memorabilia, and at a Horror convention - the warm welcome they enjoy at Troll 2 events does not translate well to general fandom, most of whom haven't heard of the movie.

This is, though, one of those rare documentaries that will retroactively raise your enjoyment of, and appreciation for, the source material, and I'd go so far as to call it required viewing for any movie fan (even if you've never heard of Troll 2).

It makes me want to host a Troll 2 screening...

Troll 2 - Will's Review

I SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: BEST WORST MOVIES
In honour of Halloween, we're taking a special "Shocktober" break from the Time-Out 100 Best Horror films, to focus on some of the worst...

Completely unrelated to Troll (there are no trolls in it; at script stage it was titled "Goblins") it's hard to understand why it was re-branded as a sequel - it's not like the origional was a runaway success, with a large sequel demand, but in any case, it was released stright to video as a sequel to an already obscure and pretty poor movie. 

I first reviewed this movie for my solo October-Only blog, and at the time it just didn't 'click'.Watching the documentary (reviews on this very blog and my own) gave me a new appreciation for it, and I've watched it a few times since. Yesterday, when I watched it to write this, I was reminded that it just never stops amazing me.


It's rare that a movie so frequently maligned lives up to its hype, but in the case of Troll 2 it really is hard to overstate how bad it is. Many movies have a few bad actors, some movies have nothing but bad actors, some movies are badly written, many have bad effects, some movies are badly filmed, and some are badly directed. Troll 2 somehow fucks up EVERYTHING!... And it's wonderful for it!

The first time you see it it's hard to believe that this was ever intended to be a good movie, the costumes look like they came from a piss-poor costume shop (or were home made) the effects are laughable, the script appalling, the acting sub-dreamlanders, and the filming amateurish.  It's 0% rating (15 reviews, all negative) on Rotten Tomatoes is well deserved. and yet, probably because it's completely lacking in cynicism, it manages to be the perfect storm of bad movies, crossing the line twice, into "so bad its awesome" territory.

A family go on a house-swap holiday to the town of Nilbog (read it backwards) where the residents, all secretly goblins) want to turn them into vegetation in order to eat them (goblins are vegetarians you see). 

Apparently, the way to turn someone into vegetation is to get them to eat a special herbal mixture, which looks like green play-doh. The goblins aren't very good at hiding this green paste: using it as icing on cakes, filling in sandwiches, and smearing it on corn-on-the-cob. Oddly, no-one seems to notice, and the family are grateful for the banquets. 

And so, it's up to the son of the family, assisted by the ghost of his grandpa, to make sure everyone gets out of Nilbog alive. 

I can't do this movie justice in words - I can neither adequately explain it's ineptness, not tell you how it remains watchable in spite. 

Be warned though, Troll 2 is a mind virus; once you have seen it, you'll want others to see it too... The truth is that the whole reason I scheduled bad movies these last four weeks was to make Lisa watch this (sorry Lisa).

I don't know what else to say... If you like bad movies AT ALL, get yourself a copy, get your friends around, make some (green) snacks, crack open some beers, and get ready to have a riot!



Troll 2 - Lisa's Review

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: BEST WORST MOVIES
In honour of Halloween, we're taking a special "Shocktober" break from the Time-Out 100 Best Horror films, to focus on some of the worst...

Okaaaaaaaaaay.  Where to start?  When Will wanted to choose a bunch of bad movies for Shocktober, he was successful in part, with 1 weeks movie being quite good, but THIS week?   Kudos to Will for this little gem.

Gawd, my mind is still feeling a bit mashed and confused. I do wish I had watched the documentary about the movie before the actual movie itself, but I did it the other way around.  Of course I get the whole 'it's so bad, it's good' thing, but I think you need to be in a particular mood to enjoy this kind of movie.  If I were with a bunch of friends and had a few bevvies, I think I would have enjoyed it much more.  Thing is, when you can't pick a film to watch and review according on your mood, inevitably you will watch movies that your current mood was not right for.

Sooooo, I could sit and type a scene-by-scene account of this movie. Alternatively, I could tell you this movie is about a bunch of midgets dressed in burlap sacks with giant rubber hands and masks chasing after a family in an attempt to change them into vegetable goo so they could eat them.  I shit you not, that's pretty much it in a nutshell.   Vegetarian goblins/trolls who inhabit a town called Nilbog (see what they did there!  Clever stuff!) and work on changing a family (who are on holiday on a house swap with a family who live in a farm in Nilbog) from humans into plants, so they can have dinner.  We see these Metamorphosis in various forms complete with lots of green jelly, sticks stuck onto fingers and what looks like washing up liquid dripping down their faces.

The basic premise surrounds a young boy who is visited by his dead grandfather and told stories about goblins who turn a young man into a green gooey plant to be eaten.  The boys family then decide to go on holiday, whereby they swap homes with an unknown family in a small country town called Nilbog.  The boys sister has a boyfriend who has a bunch of geeky friends who come along in their own mobile home for the ride to add some cannon fodder to the mix.  Basically what transpires is various ridiculous transformations and deaths, various inexplicable scenes (as no-one would do that!), constant contingency problems, the worst acting you'll ever see anywhere and a complete and utter mess of a plot.

The Goblin costumes are laughable, awful!!  You could get better costumes in your local fancy dress store. Given this movie wasn't made to be amusing, I am lost for words.  I struggled to chose the worst actor in the movie as they are ALL so bad.  The women seem to win the prize though with the mother and daughter in the family being frighteningly bad.  

Anyways, the ending is just as bad as the start and the middle, I wasn't in the kind of mood to waste valuable downtime on such a poor movie, so the humor of the sheer awfulness of this movie was lost on me.  However I know there will be people who love this kind of thing (as is attested by the documentary), but it just wasn't for me.  I won't stick an avoid on this one is purely a matter of taste.

All I can say is... thank gawd Shocktober is at an end.