Troll 2 - Will's Review

I SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: BEST WORST MOVIES

In honour of Halloween, we're taking a special "Shocktober" break from the Time-Out 100 Best Horror films, to focus on some of the worst...

Completely unrelated to Troll (there are no trolls in it; at script stage it was titled "Goblins") it's hard to understand why it was re-branded as a sequel - it's not like the origional was a runaway success, with a large sequel demand, but in any case, it was released stright to video as a sequel to an already obscure and pretty poor movie. 

I first reviewed this movie for my solo October-Only blog, and at the time it just didn't 'click'.Watching the documentary (reviews on this very blog and my own) gave me a new appreciation for it, and I've watched it a few times since. Yesterday, when I watched it to write this, I was reminded that it just never stops amazing me.

It's rare that a movie so frequently maligned lives up to its hype, but in the case of Troll 2 it really is hard to overstate how bad it is. Many movies have a few bad actors, some movies have nothing but bad actors, some movies are badly written, many have bad effects, some movies are badly filmed, and some are badly directed. Troll 2 somehow fucks up EVERYTHING!... And it's wonderful for it!

The first time you see it it's hard to believe that this was ever intended to be a good movie, the costumes look like they came from a piss-poor costume shop (or were home made) the effects are laughable, the script appalling, the acting sub-dreamlanders, and the filming amateurish.  It's 0% rating (15 reviews, all negative) on Rotten Tomatoes is well deserved. and yet, probably because it's completely lacking in cynicism, it manages to be the perfect storm of bad movies, crossing the line twice, into "so bad its awesome" territory.

A family go on a house-swap holiday to the town of Nilbog (read it backwards) where the residents, all secretly goblins) want to turn them into vegetation in order to eat them (goblins are vegetarians you see). 

Apparently, the way to turn someone into vegetation is to get them to eat a special herbal mixture, which looks like green play-doh. The goblins aren't very good at hiding this green paste: using it as icing on cakes, filling in sandwiches, and smearing it on corn-on-the-cob. Oddly, no-one seems to notice, and the family are grateful for the banquets. 

And so, it's up to the son of the family, assisted by the ghost of his grandpa, to make sure everyone gets out of Nilbog alive. 

I can't do this movie justice in words - I can neither adequately explain it's ineptness, not tell you how it remains watchable in spite. 

Be warned though, Troll 2 is a mind virus; once you have seen it, you'll want others to see it too... The truth is that the whole reason I scheduled bad movies these last four weeks was to make Lisa watch this (sorry Lisa).

I don't know what else to say... If you like bad movies AT ALL, get yourself a copy, get your friends around, make some (green) snacks, crack open some beers, and get ready to have a riot!