28 Days Later - Lisa's Review

This week finally a movie I'm pretty familiar with and one I've seen a number of times.  Firstly, forgive me if my review comes across like this is a zombie movie.  This is exactly how I see this movie, although that wouldn't strictly be the case.  I'd be pretty surprised if many people hadn't seen this movie, but let's continue with a plot of sorts.

We start the movie in a research laboratory where animal activists are attempting to free caged chimps.  Unfortunately the chimps are infected with a deadly virus called 'Rage' which is spread by bites.  Anyone who is infected becomes, pretty much - zombies!  They like to eat flesh and don't seem to have much in the way of original personality or intelligence.  One thing does differ considerably though.  These guys are fast!  They move as fast as a fast healthy guy.  I know zombie movies which show the continuous slow, plodding zombie, which never seems to tire and follows you everywhere (and who will eventually catch up with you, even though you are running and it's shuffling) are more popular with most horror fans.  I however prefer these rabid, fast scuttling guys.  The 'infected' that you quite simply will never outrun (unless you're in training for the next Olympics).  So back to the research lab.  One of the activists is, of course, bitten by a very angry chimp and is immediately infected (yes, that's another thing I should have added, infection is immediate).  The activist in turn infects every human in the room and so it starts.

So I've told you where it came from, how it came to be and what we have running loose, what next?  As the movie progresses, we find out that the infection has spread throughout the entire UK.  Most people are either dead, infected or have left the UK.  There have however been reports of infection in other countries also.   To bring the title into play, our main character, Jim (played by Cillian Murphy - him of the bluest of eyes in an early feature role) has just woken up in a hospital in London 28 days after the initial outbreak of infection.  He has been unconscious following an accident where he was knocked off his bicycle (he is a courier).   As Jim leaves the completely abandoned hospital, we see the movies most iconic scenes.  The one's which make the hairs stand up on your arms.  The one's where you ask yourself "How the hell did they manage that?"   So many people asked themselves how this movies director managed to grind London not only to a halt, but to make it appear completely abandoned and desolate, that it's a question in Google if you type part of the question in.  We hear a wonderfully haunting piano play as Jim walks around London landmark after landmark, to nothing... nobody.  Flyers looking for missing relatives are pinned up in Piccadilly Circus covering entire surfaces.  The air of complete desolation and loneliness is palpable.

The movie follows Jim as he discovers his parents have committed suicide rather than suffer the inevitable infection.   He meets up with other survivors and tries to work out where to go and what to do.  Where is safe?  Something he does learn very early on, is that no matter how much someone means to you or how attached you are, if they become infected, you must immediately kill them.  The first killing of this nature is quite horrific and brutal.

Eventually Jims little team of survivors hear a pre-recorded radio broadcast from the army in Manchester, promising a safe haven. They claim to have a cure to the infection, so Jim and his compatriots set off to Manchester and here we have another piece of amazing footage - a massive expanse of the M1 completely deserted but for the car of our team making their way north.

I don't want to give away much more in case anyone reading (who am I  kidding?) wants to watch it. Needless to say the army camp isn't all it's cracked up to be and we see nastiness, torture and abuse of women, something not entirely out of place in a war situation in the real world and perfectly illustrated here.  Even with all the gore, death and mutilation, it is still the manner in which the women are treated that makes me feel most sick.  It's as if man has lost its last vestiges of humanity.

I'm not going to give any more away or hint towards it being a good or bad ending.  It's an ending.  To be fair, for me, I felt the movie started out much better than it continued and ended.  It lost it's oopmh a bit for me.  Even though I think the movie could have been better, it was still an entertaining watch, so a Recommended from me.

Braindead - Will's review.

I. Love. This. Movie.

Love it!

I love almost everything about it.



I love that it was made by Peter "Lord of The Rings" Jackson, but is so different to anything he would make once he moved to Hollywood.

I love that it starts on Skull Island (technically setting it part of Jacksons King Kong universe).

I love the design and animation of the Rat Monkey that bets brought back from said island, and I love that (despite being such a rare beast) it ends up in a public zoo.

I love that (after his mum gets bitten by said monkey) our hero Lionel, gradually, and accidentally, builds a collection of zombies - first because he promised to take care of his mum, and later because he has to keep covering up her victims, and her victims victims.

I Love that a fight gets narrated by an episode of  "The Arches" that happens to be on the radio at the time.

I love that one of those flying ducks that old ladies (supposedly) have on their walls in threes gets used as a throwing star!

I love the fight between the Vicar and the Zombie punks (well, Greasers really), I love the line "I kick arse for The Lord".

I love the the way the damage taken by each zombie stays with it, and they get more and more messed-up as the film progresses.

I Love the zombie sex scene, and the resulting baby.

I Love that a petrol mower gets used as a weapon, and I love that the zombies literally never die (Liquidising them seems to be the only way to stop their dismembered parts coming after you).

I love that this is the bloodiest movie you will ever see, and is chock full of zombies, but still can't really be called "Horror" - Its far too OTT to ever scare anyone, and is very firmly a splat-stick comedy.

The only things I don't love about it, to be honest, are the mcguffin wherein some type of poison is also somehow a stimulant when taken by animals, and the unexplained way that one of the zombies grows to giant size.

but overall its safe to say; I love this movie!

Coffin Baby - Will's Review

Those of you who have been paying attention will know that Coffin Baby was the killer in the "Toolbox Murders" remake, and this film was originally "TBK: The Toolbox Murders 2" (TBK standing for 'Tool Box Killer').

At some point the decision to make this a sequel was dropped (originally it was to pick up where part one left off) and it was re-tooled into a stand alone movie.

This kind of awkward production process is rarely a good sign, and indeed it's taken it's toll here.

For one thing, Coffin Baby is never given a proper origin story (if it were still a sequel, that would make a little more sense), but worse; some elements of the original plot still surface... But then go nowhere.

The rune-like symbols that Coffin Baby utilised in the first film still make an appearance in a couple of very in-your face places, but are never mentioned again, and the spate of murders that shook golden era Hollywood is referenced, but never linked to the main narrative.

The story gives us nothing in the way of motive. Coffin Baby kills a woman at the opening if the film, then captures and tortures her sister... But we never know why.

To top it all, some of the acting was really ropey too, and (especially in the first half hour) the script can be laughable; the policeman who goes to tell our protagonist that her sister is dead, basically ends up yelling at her for taking it badly, comparing having to notify next of kin with the horror of losing someone, like some bizarre "my life is shit" pissing contest!

But, for all that... I actually really enjoyed this movie!

The gore and makeup FX are great, and both benefit enormously form being glimpsed, rather than put of full show; the result is that some of the murders (particularly the first one) are wonderfully / horribly believable, and none are nearly as graphic as you will go away thinking they were.

I also really enjoyed (is that the word) the ordeal that the captive sister is put through; those scenes are everything that the god awful Captivity should have been.

Towards the end there are some quasi supernatural elements I could have lived without, but I can forgive them as its pretty clear they were all in the head of our protagonist who was just pushed too far.

Against all my better judgement, and almost in spite of myself, I'm going to go ahead and recommend this one... It's a disposable popcorn movie, but I had fun watching it; and isn't that it's only real job?

Blood Feast 2 - Will's Review

After being board stupid by the original Blood Feast I was, understandably, not looking forward to it's long-time-coming sequel; where the original at least had its age and relative importance working in its favor (it was arguable the first ever 'gore' movie) this sequel would have to have more going for it than a few pounds of butcher's shop offal going for it to justify its existence.



The plot is pretty much the same this time around; Fuad Ramses' grandson (Fuad Ramses III) inherits his grandfathers catering business, and is almost immediately hypnotized by the statue of Ishtar in the back room, at which point he sets too killing off young girls in order to prepare a 'blood feast' to resurrect the goddess.

This time the party Ramses has been contracted to cater is a wedding; the groom being a local police detective, the bridesmaids being the gore fodder.

From a technical standpoint, Herschell Gordon Lewis is never going to win an Oscar for direction, but it's comforting to see that he has at least improved on the 39 years between installments Although not directed brilliantly, this movie does at least appear to have been directed - the original installment looked very much like the cameras were just vaguely pointed at the actors, who were then given free reign.

Sound wise I'm guessing someone agreed to give some friends' music some coverage - virtually every scene in the movie features music, to the point where it's actually distracting.

The effects, bizarrely, have not improved at all in the almost 40 years between installments still consisting mostly of close ups of hands playing with pig-intestines stuffed into mannequins.

It would seem though, that the (very) old school gore (like the hammy acting) is a very deliberate choice this time around.

Unlike the original, Blood Feast 2 is every inch the parody. From Tip-of-the-hat in jokes, such as the names of the detectives (Myers and Loomis) to in-your-face Airplane! style sight gags.

And it genuinely is a good move; as parody, the film actually works! Like Lewis' direction, it's not going to win any awards, but it does the job.

Some of the gags are a little on the nose, others quite subtle; there was a very quick back and fourth where someone "mistakenly" identifies Ishtar as a Babylonian goddess (which she is) rather than Egyptian (as per movie cannon).

I particularly liked the recurring gag involving a character who was accidentally killed, then never mentioned again, but who's body keeps cropping up in unexpected places (and being ignored).

There are plenty of 'nudie cutie' moments too - an all woman lingerie modelling party, a gratuitous shower scene, etc. but (as with everything else in the movie) they are played as much for laughs as anything; the absurdity of them being part of the joke.

I really don't know how to classify this one; it was an entertaining movie, and I think any horror fan with a penchant for 'Naked Gun' style humor would enjoy it.

I think I'm going to mark this one as "so bad it's good" but that's not quite accurate... after the first 20 mins it becomes apparent that both the lack of quality and the humor are intentional, so I'm not sure if that does make it a "bad" movie‽


Either way, much kudos to all involved. Usually, in order to make a movie this poor, but at the same time this entertaining, one needs to be inept, but earnest. Troll 2, Plan 9 from Outer Space and their ilk are funny only because everyone involved though they were making a masterpiece. Intentionally making a "bad" movie that's still entertaining is no easy task.

In fact, screw it; I've talked myself around! I'm going to recommend this one.

Mother of Tears - Will's Review

And so, we bid farewell to the Three Mothers Trilogy - Meh.

Sorry for the delay by the way - I've been struck down with a nasty (and rather persistent) cold; In fact, I have been toying with the idea of giving this one a second watch-through before reviewing it, feeling I may have missed something. On reflection though, looking back at the other two films in the trilogy  a clear head is likely to have made little difference.



All that said, I'll keep this very brief, as I still feel like crap.

The "Mother of Tears" is revived when her remains are found and examined by archaeologists  and she sets too taking over Rome - and with no small success; seeming hours (at most a few days) after her resurrection  the city is crawling with witches (who look like nothing more than a very large, "The Craft" themed hen night).

The Main character (who's name I forget) is assisted by the ghost of her mother (a white witch) and the whole thing is really kind of hokey.

Worst of all; it doesn't feature any of the touches that make Argento so watchable - the cinematography is below par, the trademark primary colours and odd lighting are no where to be seen, I didn't notice any insects foreshadowing death scenes, and the whole thing (gore effects aside) looked incredibly cheap - due in part to the fact that it clearly wasn't shot on film (given its age I'd say it was DV, but if you told me it was shot on video, I'd believe you).

Some great deaths, including a woman being strangled by her own intestines; other wise a below-average effort.

Mother of Tears - Lisa's review

*** SPOILERS ***

So a little late due to power outages with our weather, but I'm finally getting around to my review.

So the last in the trilogy of our Argento movies and I can't say I'm sad to see the back of them.  I'm just not a fan at all I'm afraid, so you can imagine where this review is going....

Something I will give this movie is that its not afraid of the old gore.  I have to admit to liking the copious amount of nasty and imaginative ways to meet the end in this movie, but it did have the same disjointed, confusing feel to it.  I suppose I just watched it for the next 'good bit'.

The basic premis surrounds a coffin being unearthed with the remains of the old mother in it.  There is also a smaller casket secured to the top with various artifacts inside.  What happens isn't hard to imagine... casket is opened and power of evil is released... even with the stereotypical 'blood from accidentally cut hand' awakening things.... yawn.

The only things for me worth mentioning are the deaths and the lovely piece of music at the end courteousy of 'Cradle of filth'.  

Amongst 'delights' we have a woman being strangled with her own intestines, a horrid double eyeball puncturing device, A severe head bashing on a puclic transport door (that one was a bit funny), poor Udo having his throat cut and his face caved in, a horrendous death by way of a metal pole inserted between a womans legs and emerging from her mouth, a rather disturbing man on fire chase scene, arms being torn off, lots of stabbings (including with spears and a BIG rock) and shootings, cannibalism.  A baby is also chucked off a bridge and hits its head on the way down.  That's absolutely horrid, even moreso than any of the rest for me.  Its all there!

So I suppose its maybe worth a watch for the sheer amount of deaths in there.  Also the end theme is quite cool and worth a listen.

Would I put an avoid or recommend on it.  Afraid not!

Zombie Flesh Eaters - Will's Review

What to say about our last movie?

Well, its a Fulci, with all that entails; multiple plot threads, hyper-realism, gore and an eyeball getting graphically damaged.

It also contains what is probably Fulci's most famous scene - the underwater fight between a shark (2 sharks actually, but probably both 'played' by the same shark) and a Zombie!

Flesh For Frankenstein - Wills Review

Udo Kier (last seen, by us at least, in Esposé), along with the rest of the cast, completely hams his way through this one, chewing so much scenery that it HAD to be a deliberate choice; we know he can do better!

I struggled long and hard trying to work out how seriously we were supposed to take this; it’s not belly laugh funny, but lines like “Finally, we have the right head, with the perfect nazum for my male zombie” really only belong in a comedy. Sure enough a quick look online tells us that this is, indeed, supposed to be a comedic take on the Frankenstein story. 

But this is no Young Frankenstein; this dark and unorthodox take on the tale bares little resemblance to the book or, as far as I know, any other filmed version.

Here, the baron is not only a mad scientist, but a perverse megalomaniac. Married to his sister, he has a quiet contempt for his children (who, technically, are also his nephew and niece) a strong dislike for humanity, and a sexual fetish for girl’s internal organs.

“To understand Life, Otto, You must fuck life in the Gall Bladder”

Frankenstein’s plan is to build a Male and Female ‘zombies’ and have them mate, thus creating a new race. When we join the tale, the male creature is still missing a head; one which the baron insists must have a strong Serbian nazum (nose) and come from an incredibly horny man.

The usual “abnormal brain” device is here substituted with a case of mistaken identity. In a mix-up worthy of a carry-on film, Frankenstein and his hapless assistant, Otto, manage to select an asexual man who wished to become a monk. Meanwhile the Baroness hires the real horny man as her ‘personal’ manservant…

You may have gathered by now that there is a lot of sex in this movie, any you’d be right, the sex is frequent, but inexplicit. In-fact, it would take few (if any) script changes to re-film this as “Frankenstein: A XXXParody”.

Originally in 3D, the movie does suffer from a few “Comin’at Ya!” moments, where things are held out towards the camera for prolonged periods and/or unnatural ways (including a preserved heart, held in forceps at arms length) thankfully most of the depth was added to the movie by placing certain objects and pieces of scenery in the foreground, while keeping the action midground, and so you don’t get too many moments where you feel cheated to be watching the 2D version. (no 3D version is currently legally available, although a Field Sequential version was released on Lazerdisc, and DVD bootlegs of this can be found, also Channel 4 showed it in Blue and Amber Anaglyph in 2009).

All in all a fun movie, that almost makes up in sheer bonkersness what it lacks in intrinsic quality. Oh, and the ending is great!

Body Count: 10
Boob Count: 5 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: 3D Curved Shears of Death!

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HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Lisa's Pick: Saw

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This week, reviewers were given a free choice of any horror movie.

Year: 2004

Alternate Titles: N/A

DPP Status: Passed Uncut, 2005

BBFC Status: Rated 18, with 4m11s of cuts

IMDB: Saw

Wikipedia: Saw

DVD: R2 Uncut

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I chose this movie for a review due to it being one of my favourite horrors. I'll admit I rushed my choice and forgot about 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'House of 1000 corpses' but hey ho, SAW it is.

I remember watching this movie in the cinema and feeling something I barely do watching anything - a lovely big shiver run down my spine when the end twist was revealed. It was so utterly wonderful because I never even begun to imagine the twist, it was so completely out of the blue, it floored me. I love that. Off the top of my head, the only other movie I remember getting that same rush about was at the end of 'The Usual Suspects' when Keyser Soze is revealed. I won't spoil the twist in either movies, in the vain hope that someone other than Will actually reads these reviews and hasn't seen either of these movies. Its rare I don't get the twist or see things coming a mile off, so to have that happen in such a big way was wonderful!

So why do I love SAW? Well admittedly I am a bit of a gore hound and enjoy things being taken to new lengths which I feel SAW pretty well for a mainstream horror movie (so many are 15 certs these days.. it kind of begs the question, why bother?). Apart from the obvious gore, this movie is clever, well thought out and is about so much more than the bloodshed. Without giving away too much about the movie, it reminded me a lot of Se7en (which I also love) but with a slightly more horrific edge. I suppose where Se7en concentrated more on the psychological effects of murders, SAW leans more towards the ick factor.

The basic premis of SAW is our murderer who is out to teach our victims life lessons, to make them appreciate the lives they have rather than take it for granted. He does this by setting up various 'traps' which our victims have to engineer their way out of. Escape usually means maiming, serious injury or doing something very nasty. Failure to escape means a horrid death. The hope is that if they manage to live, they will then not take their lives for granted. It makes them think about how much they appreciate their lives.

One trap includes a self harming drug addict who has a reverse-springed bear trapped anchored to her head and wired into her jaws with a timer attached to the back. She comes to in a chair with this contraption fixed and while she is trying to comprehend whats going on (and failing miserably) the TV to her side flicks into life and there's a scary puppet (Billy) used by our killer to explain. This is a part I love in every 'game', the killer in a disguised freakish voice telling our victim what the trap is, what is expected of them and what will happen if they don't 'win' the game. In this case it tells her that she is throwing her life away and taking for granted what she has, he wants to see just how much she want to live. She has a set time period to escape from the trap by digging the key to her trap out of the body lying in the corner of the room. If she doesn't manage it, the trap will spring open breaking her jaws and ripping her lower jaw completely off. F*** that she thinks and springs out of her seat, which starts the timer ticking. She runs over to the body (which she soon realizes is actually alive but is paralyzed by a drug overdose) and she must decide whether to dig into this poor guys intestines to find the key and save herself. I won't tell you whether she did or didn't but needless to say, its messy.

There are other wonderful traps including a razor wire pit , a drill chair, flammable fluid and a darkened room with only a candle to use as light. On top of these, we also have the bathroom setting with our main 2 kidnapped victims story unfolding, which also involves the infamous leg sawing scene.

I don't want to go into any more detail about the traps or the twist or even who the killer is or why, but needless to say its all wonderful, brilliantly thought out and doesn't disappoint anywhere. I LOVE this movie and have watched it over and over again, many many times. Even the theme music makes me tingle! I have sat through several poor sequels so much did I enjoy the first one, but to be honest, even though I know they weren't great, I still enjoy them to a degree as I love the idea so much.

If you haven't seen it, you simply MUST!!!

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As this is a non-cannon review, it will not carry a "Reader Review" Page, you may add your own reviews in the comments section.

The Beyond - Lisa's Review

*** CONTAINS SPOILERS ***

So here commences with review No 5! Given that I'm the video nasty 'virgin' I'm quite impressed at myself. It's become quite the little distraction when giving Isaac his bottle... good job he's not old enough to know what I'm watching though. So on to the movie..

My first comment has to be... That's more like it! I actually thoroughly enjoyed this movie and will be keen to see more from Lucio Fulci. The die-hard horror fans amongst you will be aghast at that, but no, I haven't actually seen anything by this guy before. I have been a big horror fan since my dad introduced me to the many Stephen King movies (when he was still good) when I was about 7 or 8, but everything I have seen has been post these sort of movies... Sorry I deviated again...

So whats to like about 'The Beyond'? More like what's not to like. This movie has a bit of it all...haunting, spookiness, gore, not too bad acting (we won't get carried away and call it good), great effects, a storyline, creepiness, intrigue... ahh no sex or boobs though - sorry guys!

To start with I really like the opening sequence to the movie which is set in 1927 where a group of villagers murder an artist (quite horribly) that they believe to be a warlock. The cinematography is lovely to watch (even if the subject matter isn't)and is shot in sepia which do the effects the world of good. They look all the more gorey, realistic and creepy. The scene which contains flagellation of the artist by way of something sharp and nasty is genuinely horrid and made me wince. You haven't even been introduced to this first victim, yet you feel genuine empathy and distress for him. This is achieved not just by some quite good acting, but also by fantastic make-up, a great attention to detail with the sound of the movie and great cinematography. Not only does the tearing flesh, pouring blood, nails hammering through flesh and acid melting skin look real and horrific, it also sounds it. Fantastic opening sequence. However 'Ms soundtrack fixation' must point out that a really eerie soundtrack is replaced by the usual bontempi organ later on.... what the hell is going on? You had it spot on guys!!!

As the movie progressed, although I enjoyed it, I did wish I could watch an entire movie with the effects, sepia overtone and mood of the first scene. We did however pop forward to what was the present day when the movie was filmed. Our lead actress Liza (which is almost Lisa if you put your mind to it!) has inherited the building where this atrocity has happened and wants to go into business with it as a hotel. Renovation work on the building seems to resurrect something horrid and all sorts starts to kick off.

Something I'm learning is that a lot of these movies have very ugly children in them and this one is no different.. cue wierd looking ginger child with horrific eyebrows. Her mother and her are called to the hospital where her dads body is laid out in the morgue beside the mummified remains of the poor guy who met his demise in the first scene. The make-up here is fantastic, I don't think modern effects have done anything to improve what's achievable these days. Soooo, the mother goes in, but doesn't look too traumatised by the state her dead husband is in wierdly enough... I think she deserves to meet a nasty end... I wasn't disappointed. You are treated to a scream from outside the room, cue ginger child running in (who thankfully has the nounce to look horrified). Her mother is unconscious on the floor conveniently beneath an overturned jar of acid (I'll let you work out what happens). You're left to wonder why the scream and why she ended up on the floor. The effects and makeup which follow are very impressive. I particularly liked the 'foamy' blood creeping across the floor towards the feet of the child... messy!

There is an odd 'freeze frame' where the child screams here which is very oddly placed and just looked stupid, but hey ho.

Not long after this, we are introduced to Emily, a strange blind girl with an awesome alsation dog called Dicky (snigger) who is the owner of the most awesome contact lenses I have seen in a movie. I want a pair! They looked ace! She has a wierd, echoey voice (like the kind thats usually used in flashbacks) that is the first clue all is not normal with her. I won't give away who she is and why all is not as it seems there, but I did love the revelation as to who she is.

As the movie progresses, the ginger kid gets herself a pair of the cool contact lenses, indicating she is now part of whatever the blind girl is... the only hint at whats going on is the ominous line "The blind see things more clearly".

I won't give away any more of the storyline as its fun to watch but be warned it doesn't all tie together in places and some things don't altogether make sense. There are some scenes where the more astute viewer with a memory would think "huh?" but try not to get too tied up in that. It doesn't really matter that you can't explain everything and that some things don't entirely make sense. It doesn't take away anything from the movie or spoil the enjoyment.

Scenes which do warrant a mention are the body nailed to the wall in the haunted room, a tarantula face eating scene (which is both hilarious for some of the fake spiders whose legs all lift at the same time when they walk, but also very creepy but the sounds as they nibble their way through someones face), Body in the bath scene (this is awesome!!! Watch for the housekeepers death!), Dicky the dog doing what needs to be done (how dare Emily send him in to fight zombies to save her.. zombies which incidentally were fantastic!!!).

A special mention has to go with how the ginger kid is dispatched... fantastic! How the hell did they DO that back then? Awesome in every way. I rewound it several times and it still looked as good after several watches. I can't give it away, you HAVE to watch it.

The scene which is played out as the movie ends again is great. The 2 lead characters find themselves, I suppose in 'The Beyond'. The backdrop.. or however they did it, is awe inspiring. Its a true horror genius that's come up with some of the scenes in this movie and the wasteland they find themselves in is well and truely desolate and immensely depressing... and littered with mummified bodies for good measure.

In conclusion, I really enjoyed this movie. I would heartilly recommend it to anyone. Yes, it did have gore, but not enough to kick up a fuss, just bloody good gore and great effects. The acting is very good for this kind of movie and the movie score is impressive as are the general sound effects used. My favourite part however was the cinematography and general mood Fulci has created with the film. Top Notch!

Makeup - 9/10

Soundtrack - 8/10

Gore - 10/10 (although not wall to wall gore, it was a perfect amount for the movie)

Overall - 8/10

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The Beast in Heat - Lisa's Review

*** CONTAINS SPOILERS ***

I am torn with this movie. Part of me found it extremely distasteful and sick (the first so far where I could understand what all the fuss was about) but the other part of me found it too much like soft porn or movies like 'Flesh Gordon' to take in any way seriously. Had this movie been filmed with a darker mood and in all seriousness, I probably would have had problems watching it all the way through. That's not due to it being particularly horrific or having scenes which were bad enough for it to warrant prosecution, but just due to the fact I am a female viewer and much as I don't like typical sexist stereotypes, I think there are specific acts which men find easier to view than women.

There was 1 scene in this entire movie where a crying baby is snatched from its mother by a german officer and thrown into the air and shot (off camera) which is probably the only 'nasty' part in this movie played out seriously.

The general storyline involves a female nazi officers' experiment, where she creates a neanderthal-looking, sex-crazed creature, which spends the movies duration in a cage naked. Female prisoners are subjected to being thrown into the cage so this 'monster' can have his way with them while prison guards and the officers look on in amusement. These scenes are not particularly shocking, but more amusing to be honest as this incompetant, brainless creature does what only an animal could do, including ripping out the hair on one particularly thick muff. Thats something thats plentiful in this movie... very hairy female genitals! Makes you want to rush onto the set with some wax strips....

Also plentiful are boobs of all sizes and shapes. This movie is most definately one for the men as it just exploits women from start to finish. They just seem to be there for the eye candy to me. In saying that, the main movie villan is a woman, but her character is also something meant to appeal to the men and even she doesn't keep her clothes on! She is a dominatrix style character with the personality of a very lewd man. She makes advances on female officers, challenges male officers to 'get off' on the beast having sex with unconsenting women, then chastises them for it. She 'tortures' male prisoners by stripping off for them and asking them to look at her, before travelling southward..... kind of odd torture if you ask me. They'll be lining up for cross examination next.

So like I said, a kind of very poor soft porn movie in places, but done extremely badly. There are also several rape scenes with german officers and scenes where women are tortured, usually by way of genital electrocution or supposed rats eating their parts (although most amusingly, guinea pigs are used in the movie). Scenes which should have been horrific are played for kicks and to give you as much of an eyefull as possible.

One of the final scene inevitably involves Mistress bitch being hauled into the beasts cage so he can have his way with her. This is, as with the rest of the movie, played for kicks, with the absence of a bra when the uniform is ripped off, the suspenders and stockings which she just happened to have on underneath and their staying on all the way through. She is reduced to a quivering, bloody mess, just like all the other women (you could say she got her cum upence .. Ba'dum tish!) and they are both finally shot at the end by the villagers (who are in another story which runs alongside the main sex fuelled one and is too mind numbingly dull to talk about.... one of them does talk a lot like Pop-eye though, which I found amusing) its dull and monotonous and most viewers will just be wondering how long it takes until you get back to the boobs. It was a very weird mix of 2 stories to me....

So to conclude, nothing particularly shocking in this movie but it contains an awful lot of nudity and sex. It is so bad though and 'the beast' is so laughable, you can't really get all bent out of shape about it. I felt sorry for the actresses having the guys flacid bits all pressed up against them... YUCK!!! If you're a guy who likes to watch a lot of boobs and a bit of blood, then this is for you. If you're a horror loving female, then there's very little here for you (unless of course you like to look at boobs too). There are a few teeny tiny flacid willies in there as well though, if that does it for you!

You'll need your pen and paper for the boob count in this one Will. I can't wait to see what it is!

Gore: 1/10 (There is very little)

Story: 2/10 (there was little in the way of a story as it was all an excuse to get bits out)

Nudity: 8/10 (Seemed to be the main reason for the movie to me)

Overall Score: 4/10 (If I was a guy, this would probably rise to 6/10)

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Anthropophagous - Lisa's Review

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

So on to week 2 of the 'Video Nasty a week', which is Anthropophagus. Maybe I should have watched this one first as this is supposedly the prequel to the one I watched first (Absurd). Thankfully there is no link to the stories. The only thing which ties them together is the lead character and given that he dies in this movie, his appearance in the next movie is obviously a clear enough indication it is not a follow-on.

I was disappointed with the first film in my list, but this one was actually not too bad. Given that it was the earlier movie, I was quite surprised by how much better the blood, gore and general feel of this movie is.

The acting, although poor in places is satisfactory (it is a video nasty after-all so don't expect any Oscar winning performances) I didn't feel myself cringe at the awfulness of the music, acting or anything to be honest. It did have an ominous, creepy feel in places which I liked. To me, whether or not I enjoy a movie has a lot to do with how it physically makes me feel while i'm watching it and whether or not I dwell on it afterwards. I liked how this one made me feel, but it certainly didn't have any scenes that I can say would stay with me.

The storyline is strong and keeps you interested as it progresses. It makes sense and all ties together quite nicely. Normal movie fans could watch this one quite easilly as there is honestly nothing shocking or nasty in this movie. The bad guy is excellent and perfectly cast. He was one of the few positive things about Absurd.

The gore is nothing more horrific than you would expect in any horror movie. The scene which got this movie banned (a scene where the lead character removes and eats a human foetus) is very brief and not at all shocking to be honest. Turns out the realism of the skinned rabbit used for this scene caused some viewers to feel the movie makers had actually got their hands on a real life dead foetus.... nice!

The movie is dated as you would expect, but it is watchable and somewhat enjoyable. If you are looking for gore, to be disgusted or to see something horrific, then probably best not to waste your time. If you're interested in watching an easy enough little movie with some slightly messy scenes, then fire away with this one.

Not at all bad or to be laughed at. Much superior to his sequel. Overall I would give this one a 5/10.

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