The Gestapo's last orgy - Will's Review

*****Spoilers from opening paragraph*******

Opening with a VoiceOver from a war crimes trail, the movies story is actually pretty strong.

Lisa (yes another one) is a young Jewish woman, who turned her own family over to the Nazis, believing that they would be incarcerated but not harmed, and that she would be able to be loyal to Germany and lead a 'normal' life, rather than hiding in the attic.

Predictably, her parents are killed and she is captured and sent to a concentration camp where she is physically and emotionally abused - at first she doesn't care, wanting only death, but upon learning that her parents location was already known to the nazis loses her guilt complex and submits to the general in charge of the camp in order to stay alive, eventually falling in love with him.

When she has his son however (still at the camp) the general has the baby taken away and killed, as 'a Jew will have no good life in the new world'.

Lisa, devastated by the betrayal, continues to fake her affection for the general, eventually testifying on his behalf at his war crime trial in order to get his charges dropped - so that she can return to the camp with him and kill him herself!

See? A pretty good story!

Unfortunately the film is utter crap - the camp in question is a sex-camp, where attractive Jewish women and taken to serve German solders on leave.

It's a nasty little rape-for-titillation movie, that manages to be offensive not only to women - but to the nazis.

I know it's odd to think that the Nazis could be badly portrayed in a movie (as in, portrayed in a negative light) but here, ordinary German solders are portrayed as sex crazed idiots, who would enthusiastically charge across a room to rape women en-mass, simply because they have permission.

It's also badly acted, and what few 'scare' scene there are are atrocious - women are dissolved in quicklime which stays white, and out heroin is at one point dressed in knickers made of human hair (!) and dangled over a pit of ravenous... Gerbils.

Both better and more offensive than 'Beast in Heat' but still one to avoid.

By the way the one 'good' German (a doctor who tries to help the girls) is by far the best endowed - he also just happens to be ginger - just sayin'

Body Count: 15
Boob Count: 37 pairs
Animal Body Count: O
Most Memorable Death: Clean and Quick(Lime)

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The Devil Hunter - Will's Review

As regular readers (humour me here) will know, I've stopped taking notes while watching the movies, which begs the question "how does one go about reviewing a film so dull that you had forgotten most of it before it finished?"

Well, I remember boobs, I remember that some of the boobs had a context (Natives, sacrifice, rape) and that some did not (walking around on a yatch).

I remember that some Hollywood type woman got kidnapped, and that her kidnappers decided the jungle was the best place to hide with her, and I remember not knowing why.

I remember that 2 raging idiots were sent to rescue her.

I remember a non-explicit, but still unnecessary and lingering rape scene, and a quazi-lesbian scene where 3 tribes women undress the unconscious (and now re-kidnapped by them) starlet, and anoint her body with oil (mostly I remember that the camera spent about 90 seconds on her muff).

I remember the worst voice acting (the movie is dubbed) I've ever encountered, and I remember that they managed to wedge 'nam in there somewhere.

Mostly I remember the Tribes "god" who rampages around the Jungle eating women's hearts. I remember that he has bloodshot pingpong balls for eyes and a face made of putty, I remember that his was buck naked, had big feet, was tall, black, and that he dispelled 3 penis-related stereotypes in one fell swoop.

What I don't remember seeing was any reason this piss-poor film was banned, nor any reason you should watch it.

Body Count: 8
Boob Count: 8 pairs (mostly tribeswomen)
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Erm..... I think someone got their guts ripped out?

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The Beast in Heat - Lisa's Review

*** CONTAINS SPOILERS ***

I am torn with this movie. Part of me found it extremely distasteful and sick (the first so far where I could understand what all the fuss was about) but the other part of me found it too much like soft porn or movies like 'Flesh Gordon' to take in any way seriously. Had this movie been filmed with a darker mood and in all seriousness, I probably would have had problems watching it all the way through. That's not due to it being particularly horrific or having scenes which were bad enough for it to warrant prosecution, but just due to the fact I am a female viewer and much as I don't like typical sexist stereotypes, I think there are specific acts which men find easier to view than women.

There was 1 scene in this entire movie where a crying baby is snatched from its mother by a german officer and thrown into the air and shot (off camera) which is probably the only 'nasty' part in this movie played out seriously.

The general storyline involves a female nazi officers' experiment, where she creates a neanderthal-looking, sex-crazed creature, which spends the movies duration in a cage naked. Female prisoners are subjected to being thrown into the cage so this 'monster' can have his way with them while prison guards and the officers look on in amusement. These scenes are not particularly shocking, but more amusing to be honest as this incompetant, brainless creature does what only an animal could do, including ripping out the hair on one particularly thick muff. Thats something thats plentiful in this movie... very hairy female genitals! Makes you want to rush onto the set with some wax strips....

Also plentiful are boobs of all sizes and shapes. This movie is most definately one for the men as it just exploits women from start to finish. They just seem to be there for the eye candy to me. In saying that, the main movie villan is a woman, but her character is also something meant to appeal to the men and even she doesn't keep her clothes on! She is a dominatrix style character with the personality of a very lewd man. She makes advances on female officers, challenges male officers to 'get off' on the beast having sex with unconsenting women, then chastises them for it. She 'tortures' male prisoners by stripping off for them and asking them to look at her, before travelling southward..... kind of odd torture if you ask me. They'll be lining up for cross examination next.

So like I said, a kind of very poor soft porn movie in places, but done extremely badly. There are also several rape scenes with german officers and scenes where women are tortured, usually by way of genital electrocution or supposed rats eating their parts (although most amusingly, guinea pigs are used in the movie). Scenes which should have been horrific are played for kicks and to give you as much of an eyefull as possible.

One of the final scene inevitably involves Mistress bitch being hauled into the beasts cage so he can have his way with her. This is, as with the rest of the movie, played for kicks, with the absence of a bra when the uniform is ripped off, the suspenders and stockings which she just happened to have on underneath and their staying on all the way through. She is reduced to a quivering, bloody mess, just like all the other women (you could say she got her cum upence .. Ba'dum tish!) and they are both finally shot at the end by the villagers (who are in another story which runs alongside the main sex fuelled one and is too mind numbingly dull to talk about.... one of them does talk a lot like Pop-eye though, which I found amusing) its dull and monotonous and most viewers will just be wondering how long it takes until you get back to the boobs. It was a very weird mix of 2 stories to me....

So to conclude, nothing particularly shocking in this movie but it contains an awful lot of nudity and sex. It is so bad though and 'the beast' is so laughable, you can't really get all bent out of shape about it. I felt sorry for the actresses having the guys flacid bits all pressed up against them... YUCK!!! If you're a guy who likes to watch a lot of boobs and a bit of blood, then this is for you. If you're a horror loving female, then there's very little here for you (unless of course you like to look at boobs too). There are a few teeny tiny flacid willies in there as well though, if that does it for you!

You'll need your pen and paper for the boob count in this one Will. I can't wait to see what it is!

Gore: 1/10 (There is very little)

Story: 2/10 (there was little in the way of a story as it was all an excuse to get bits out)

Nudity: 8/10 (Seemed to be the main reason for the movie to me)

Overall Score: 4/10 (If I was a guy, this would probably rise to 6/10)

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