Peeping Tom - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

We remain in the world of early movies this week for 1960 offering 'Peeping Tom'.  A story about a rather, awkward, shy but disturbing young man called Mark who loves nothing more than to film beautiful women.

He works on a movie set by day and takes soft porn photographs at night in a room above the local corner shop, which sells the images under the counter on the hush hush (and even packages them in a brown bag labelled 'Educational Books').  We become aware very quickly though, that Mark isn't just your normal pervert as the title would suggest, but someone with a penchant for something a little more.... painful.

Deep Red - Lisa's Review

So, as I started the movie for this weeks review, I did so with much sighing and a feeling of resignation.  Deep Red is an Italian Giallo movie, originally Profundo Rosso.  It was released in the year of my birth - 1975, the reason for my lack of excitement?  It's a Dario Argento movie.  I think Argento is one of those directors that you either love or hate and I'm afraid I would be in the latter camp with what I've seen so far.  So let me end this little introductory paragraph with a stunning revelation... I actually ENJOYED this movie!  There is an Argento movie I can honestly say I like!  I am somewhat stunned, but pleased by that.  So to the movie...

Deep Red follows Marcus Daly (David Hemmings) after he witnesses the murder of a psychic.  This music teacher takes it upon himself to start his own investigation.  He feels that deep in the recesses of his brain he may hold an important clue in that a picture he saw on the wall of the psychics apartment had disappeared when the police arrived.  However by becoming involved in the case, Marcus puts his own life in danger.

Kill Baby Kill - Lisa's Review

This weeks movie sends us scuttling back to 1966 (who knew something asides from football happened that year!!) and to this offering from Italian Mario Bava.   To start with, for me, I saw a lot of similarities to Dario Argento in the movie.  Although this may sound like a great thing, for me, it most certainly isn't.  I am not a fan at all.

Black Christmas - Lisa's Review

So to a slightly older movie this week, 1974 and Black Christmas.  I'm not generally a fan of dated movies, so entered into this one without much hope of having an entertaining evening.  Thankfully I can say, I was wrong on this occasion.

The title of the movie may give you the impression that it's full of festivities and fakery that Christmas brings with it.  Thankfully the stereotypical Christmas movie feel is missing here.  There are a few reminders here and there in the script and little glimpses of festive things, but it's very easy to forget this movie is set at Christmas, which as far as I'm concerned is a good thing.

Although many aspects of the movie are dated, overall the movie had a nostalgic feel of times when horrors were good.  It took me right back to my childhood of growing up watching horror movies.  Although this one was released before I was born, it is very reminiscent of 80's movies.

Anyways, the plot!  The movie is set mainly in a girls sorority house.  There are a few main characters within the house:

Sweet and innocent Claire who is travelling home for the holidays.
Obnoxious, brash and crude Barb who isn't one for mincing her words.
Sensible Jess who is pregnant and wants to have an abortion against her boyfriends wishes.
Mrs Mac, the house mother who is much loved by all the girls.


The plot is something that has been repeated many times in different guises in other movies and is very effective when done correctly, which I feel it was here.

The girls have been receiving obscene calls from a man who they refer to as 'The Moaner'.  Unfortunately his moans and heavy breathing soon follow on to threats, insane noises and what sounds like other peoples suffering.  He soon moves on to relaying information that only certain individuals would know, creating suspicion as to who 'The Moaner' is.

We follow the girls individual stories and how the caller affects them all.  The calls soon become a secondary concern as one of the girls goes missing and we find out all is not well.

I won't say any more as this is a movie that I really feel you should watch.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and it is definately not the sort of movie I would go out of my way to see.  It is well shot, the acting is solid, performances are believable, the pacing is good, the score is used in just the right way and the overall sound in the movie is a big strong point.  It is not often that sounds alone can chill you to the bone, but as they are presented in this movie, they do.

I recommend this movie with no hesitation.  Go watch it. :)

The Orphanage - Lisa's Review

Tonight was my second viewing of The Orphanage.  After viewing the awesome Pans Labyrinth by Guillermo del Toro, I was keen to catch up on anything else he was responsible for.  As it happens, The Orphanage is one of those movies.

Unusually for me, I don't want to give too much away about this movie, as it's one that I imagine not a lot of people have watched, so I don't want to ruin the movie for you.  I will say that the main thing I need to get across in this review is that if you haven't seen this movie, get your hands on a copy and watch it!

To give you an idea of the storyline here, we follow a young couple, Laura and Carlos and their adoptive son Simón.  Laura herself was an orphan and she feels she wants to go on to adopt herself.  The family move back to the orphanage Laura lived in as a child.  They want to convert it into a building that can be utilised by disabled children.  However when they move in, strange things start to happen.  Simón develops what his mum thinks are imaginary friends, but are they?

One piece of information I will divulge, is that Simón does not know he is adopted, but he finds out during the course of the movie.   He is extremely upset about it and argues with his adoptive mum Laura.  The relationship is not as it was and it is during this period of upset that Simón goes missing.  The movie follows Laura and Carlos as they try to figure out what has happened to Simón.

They call in help from the police, psychologists, even mediums in a search to find Simón.  During the hunt, they uncover something that has remained hidden for many years.   A whole other history of Lauras childhood orphanage is revealed.  Events that took place after she was adopted come to light.  Information that threatens to drive a wedge between her and her husband.  How far will Laura go in the search for Simón?

My review probably sounds a lot scanter than normal, but it is for the best if you have yet to watch the movie.  Any more information would spoil the experience.  I have to mention one scene where the special effects are absolutely jaw dropping!  This isn't the kind of movie that has blood and guts, which is maybe why this one scene was so shocking, but look out for it.  Better effects I doubt you'll ever see!

This movie gets a big thumbs up and Recommended from me.  In fact pretty much anything by Gullermo Del Toro is worth a watch.   The movie is spanish and has subtitles, but please don't let this put you off.  Some of the best movies out there are foreign films.  Take the plunge with 'The Orphanage' if you're a subtitle virgin and open yourself up to a whole other plethora of movies!

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - Lisa's Review

A familiar title this week.  I vaguely remember watching a bit of this one years ago.  I didn't quite remember what happened though, but that's nothing unusual with my memory.  I had convinced myself that it was a really good movie because there had to be some reason that the title stuck in my head.  Having watched it again, I suddenly remember both why the title stuck in my head and why I didn't remember much about it.  Quite simply I didn't get to the end of it first time and struggled in a big way this time.

So, the premise?  We follow Henry (Michael Rooker) and a prison buddy friend of his Otis (Tom Towles) and their wierd, somewhat uncomfortable friendship.  Another major player is Otis's sister Becky (Tracy Arnold) who seems to have a strange fascination with Henry, even after being let into the secret that Henry killed his mother.

We follow Henry & Otis as they travel down the slippery slope of depravity and murder.  They kill purely for the kicks, just because they feel like it.  There is nothing to gain from it.  They will kill anyone, man or woman.  As Henry advises, they don't want to go for the same type of person every time and provide the police with a MO.   As the movie progresses Becky grows closer to Henry, maybe because she came from such a depraved home.  She may be transfixed by Henry, but she has a naivety about her and sadly she just seems to be one of those girls who gets shit upon over and over in life.  Her story was very moving and sad to watch.


Now to why I'm not a fan.  Maybe this is unfair... it probably is, but I found watching this movie SO uncomfortable, I didn't want to inflict my eyeballs with it any more.  I literally had to FORCE myself to sit through the last half of the movie.  Maybe that's a testament as to how good the movie is or how well it did its job, but the sheer nastiness of some of the scenes is just hard to stomach for me.  It is filmed with such a dreariness and grittiness it adds to the whole utter hopelessness I felt watching it.  The movie is just so..... grey and depressing.  Henry & Otis give absolutely no thought as to what they are doing, what they are putting people through, that it made my stomach turn.

There is one particular scene which involved a family which made me deeply angry and disgusted.  I won't go into detail.  If I were actually to try to explain it to you, no words could convey the scene for me, as it sounds quite lame when written down, but for me it was too much.   They say everyone has their limits and this scene is quite close to it for me.  I don't tend to feel revulsion and disgust when watching gore for some odd reason... maybe I can distance myself from it as it's usually so removed from reality.  This movie though is very close to the truth.

After having watched the movie, the simple thought that people exist who are like Henry or Otis, fills me with revulsion and anger.  They simply don't deserve to draw breath.  There are few movies with a similar premise that manage to convey the depths to which some people will stoop in the pursuit of 'feeling something' or 'scratching an itch'.  Maybe I should be singing this movies praises for making me feel this way, but I feel like a need a wash after having watched it, so I simply can't.

If you want to watch a truely nasty, horrible movie, then this is for you.  Sadly it most definately wasn't for me.

Lets scare Jessica to death - Lisa's Review

I have watched 2 movies from our Time Out list very closely together and I have to say, I haven't been overly enamoured with either.  I really hope it's just not my mood, but this one was monumentally awful as well!  Who the hell is choosing these movies ffs?

This movie follows Jessica (Zohra Lambert) who has just got out of a mental institution having spend 6 months in there.  She leaves New York with her husband Duncan (Barton Heyman) and they head for a house in the much quieter, peaceful Connecticut.  They also take along a hippy friend Woody (Kevin O'Connor).

When they arrive at the house, they discover a drifter called Emily (Mariclare Costello) has been squatting there.  A usual reaction would be to call the police, or at the very least, tell her the get the **** out of there.  What do this couple do?  Invite her to stay with them of course!!  The hippy-dippy, arty-farty mood continues through the entire movie, which is most probably a front runner in why I wasn't impressed.  I hate movies like this.

Jessica hears voices and sees a woman in white regularly.  I get that it is suppose to be forboding and eerie, but the over emphasised whispering  "Jeeeeeeeeeeeesicaaaaaaaaaaaa" was nothing short of laughable.  I felt like I was watching a horror pantomime.



We are left to wonder if this woman is indeed real or is a figment of Jessicas already established fractured mind.  We do find out in due course, but I won't ruin it for any masochist  who actually wants to sit through this.

Emily turns out to be something of a harlot and has her way with any man in the general vicinity. We also become aware of all the men in the village bearing odd marks or scars.  Have these scars anything to do with Emily?  Hmmmmmmmm.

I won't give away the ending,but I felt like it petered out rather than went out with a bang, which is probably the worst way you can go.   The end scene is very similar to the opening scene of the movie.  I guess we're left to wonder if we've just watched the contents of Jessicas fractured mind or did it all really happen.

You know what?  I don't really care.  Avoid.

The Fog (1980) - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

So this week we're back to 1980 and to John Carpenters 'The Fog'.  I remember having watched this movie many years ago, but as always is the case with me, a few months after watching a movie, I've forgotten the entire content.  Needless to say, I had to revisit the movie in order to do a review.

This movie has obviously made an impression, as in the years which followed, we had a 2005 version of 'The Fog' and a remarkably similar concept in 'The Mist'.  Anyways, I deviate.

The movie is based around a seaside town of Antonio Bay which is celebrating its centennial.  The movie starts with an old man sat around a campfire with a group of children, telling a scary story, which is unfortunately not a work of fiction.

100 years ago, a group of men, including an ancestor of the towns priest, Father Malone, deliberately caused a ship called 'Elizabeth Dane' to crash into rocks.  They set a fire, which acted as a false beacon and ultimately led the ship and its crew to their deaths.  The ship was full of gold, which the men proceeded to steal and the town of Antonio Bay was built with these ill gotten gains.

The movie tells the story of the towns centennial celebrations which prompt the return of the perished crew to seek revenge from the townsfolk and reclaim what is rightfully theirs.

The cast consists of Father Malone, the towns priest and descendant of one of the original group of criminals, A female DJ Stevie Wayne with the sultriest of voices, Stevies son,  Nick Castle - all round good guy and Elizabeth Solley - an out of town pretty girl, who is picked up by Nick while hitch hiking.

Something I like about John Carpenters movies is the existence of strong female characters.  In horror, females are generally there to provide eye candy (although arguably this is probably the case here too), but also to be a shrieking, screaming mess in need of rescue from the male lead.  Thankfully, this isn't the case here, which is a plus right away.  He obviously also rates Jamie Lee Curtis as she makes a reappearance as a female lead in this movie after the success of her performance in Carpenters Halloween.

I seem to have digressed again... apologies.  Inexplicable things happen, electrical faults, public phones all ringing, devices switching themselves on, objects moving by themselves...  This is the first sign of all not being well.  As Nick gives Elizabeth a ride into town, the cars electrics start to fail and the windows shatter.

As we progress, the ghosts of the fallen crew return on the towns centennial and wreak havoc in the town as they appear in an eerie fog and slay anyone who gets in their way.  This starts with 3 fishermen when their boat is engulfed in an eerie glowing fog.   They see an old boat pull alongside them, which contains the ghosts of the fallen crew and they all meet their end within the fog.

The remainder of the movie follows the remaining characters struggling to survive through the existence of the fog and the attempts to send the ghosts back whence they came.  I won't go any more detail about the storyline in case our imaginary readers have yet to see the movie, but it is all pretty much what you'd expect.

Originally this movie was meant to be a more supernatural ghost story and not so much a horror containing gore, but the insistence was made to add more length to the movie and make it nastier and gorier for the audiences.  I for one, would have loved to see the original as I thought the kills didn't add to the story at all.  The movie would have been just as powerful had we seen nothing of how anyone met their end.  In actual fact, it may have been more powerful.

I love the ominous feel of the movie, the setting, the casting and the storyline.  I enjoyed it when I first watched this movie and again on a repeat viewing.  I would recommend anyone watch this as I struggle to think of much negative to say about this movie.

Lisa Recommends.

Coffin Baby - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

Before I watched this movie, I noticed from a little online research that it wasn't especially popular.  Actually that's me being kind.  People seem to HATE this movie, thinking it a poor sequel to the remake of Toolbox Murders, so I wasn't expecting very much.

Did I hate the movie on the same level as most other people who submitted their opinions online?  It seems not.  It's an odd one.  There were aspects of this movie which were great!  I loved how it looked, the scene settings, the bad guy looked awesome, the gore was incredible.  Some of the scenes were amongst the most gruesome I have ever seen in a movie.  When I say most gruesome, what I mean is, they look very real.  There is no faffing about and suspense here.  It's in for the kill - pun intended!

Our basic premis here involves a young woman who is kidnapped by a murderer who is responsible for killing her sister.  He holds her captive and makes her watch while he tortures and murders others in front of her in many different adventurous ways.

The plot itself was sadly full of holes and raised many questions which were never answered or addressed.  Some details which seemed imporant throughout the story seemed to have been forgotten and were just left hanging.   In places the acting was a bit 'hammy' and overdone.  I have seen much, much worse though.



Moving on to the positives, the first murder scene in the movie is almost impossible to watch without registering some form of disgust or cowering away from the scene you're witnessing.  It involves a very graphic facial mutilation before the actual murder itself, which had me cringing and thinking I may find it too difficult to watch this movie if there were more of the same.  The special effects, sounds and general way this is depicted all seemed very realistic to me.  So realistic it made me actually feel pretty damn uncomfortable watching it.

Did the gore continue?  Well yes, but I think that particular scene was the one which freaked me out the most.  Another scene starts off quite amusingly where a young black man has got out of his car (egged on by his mates) to move a random trolley that's blocking his way.  Cue our bad guy who is not best amused that his belongings have been tampered with.  An argument of sorts ensues where the young guy is wildly gesticulating at our bad guy.  I was chuckling away when the mood changed very quickly and some more gore is thrown our way.

This theme does continue and there are many more good examples of these effects to keep all gore hounds happy.     There are a couple of rather nasty beheadings (one of which was particularly realistic and not something I enjoyed watching at all) and a woman who is tied to a table and has slices of her flesh cut out and cooked to be eaten while she is still alive.  The killer makes our hostage eat the flesh also and as she is starving, she is unable to help herself.  A man is cut in half from the groin to the head with a table saw... the list continues.

Now, where the movie falls down.  As I said earlier, the plot-line is very weak, there are inconsistencies everywhere, the acting, while it is not the worst I've ever seen is a bit over dramatic in places.  It all seemed to end very quickly for my liking and without any proper kind of justice.  Also a supernatural element that there really was no need for is introduced.  This actually detracted for the movie for me.

All in all, it wasn't as awful a movie as reviews online would have you believe.  I certainly didn't feel like I'd wasted my time in watching it, like is sometimes the case, but I doubt it's going to make many peoples top 10 movie list.

I would only recommend to anyone I know likes a bit of gore and isn't bothered about depth of story.

Murder Set Pieces - Wills Review

I'm not one for multiple drafts*, but I do like to spend a while thinking about what kind of thing I want to say in a review long before I put fingers to keyboard**; I'll walk around the house, constructing paragraphs in my head, thinking about if I should mention this bit, and how I can segue from one point to another. This week; I have struggled to find things to say.

The reason for my struggle is the plot, which is unbelievably thin: A photographer / neo-nazi, captures, then rapes and kills a whole bunch of women with fake breasts.

And that's it.



There is what threatens to be a plot; the photographer has a girlfriend, and the girlfriends little sister is suspicious of him, but it goes nowhere.

There are a couple of other go-nowhere scenes that act as though they are about to introduce a plot, but which really exist to put in some horror-icon cameos; Gunner 'Leatherface' Hanson plays a redneck who pimps out his daughter to the photographer, an Tony 'Candyman' Todd plays a video store clerk who the photographer first saves from a hold-up, an then kills.

The gore is well done, and the murders and rapes look real enough, but the acting is atrocious.

Oh, and one more thing; if you are ever planning on killing a couple of women, and you convince them to have a threesome with you, once you're all naked and on the bed, it seems to me that you may as well have your ménage à trois... You can still kill them later. Not this idiot though! He kills them just as things are getting interesting.

Realistic gore is not enough to rescue a movie; for acting, (lack of) plot, and the idiocy of the main character: Avoid!


*Which shoes.
** Which Doesn't

Nekromantik - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS - if indeed you care***

Sometimes when I watch a movie, it takes me a while, sometimes a few days to decide whether I actually enjoyed the movie or not.  Strange maybe, but true.  A movie I thought was maybe just 'ok' in retrospect after a little bit of thought, I realise was actually quite good.

What has this got to do with this weeks movie I hear you ask?... well, this week that was not a problem at all.  I am in no doubt as to what I felt about Nekromantik.  If I didn't feel like a big, fat cheat for copying and pasting a dictionary definition for the word excrement as my review, that is exactly what you would be reading.

So why so bad?  Where do I start.  I'm not a person who is easily shocked.  Granted, I do have my limits.  I don't like watching any acts of cruelty which I know to be real.  There have been scenes of real animal deaths in some movies we have watched which I have found very difficult, but aside from that anything else is fair game really.  Don't get me wrong, there are staged scenes in movies, I find uncomfortable to watch, usually due to how they are portrayed, but gore generally doesn't offend me.

So to Nekromantik... I seem to be avoiding reviewing it thus far, for good reason really, I am struggling with the words to put together to give you any kind of idea as to how bad this movie actually is.

So, our premise here follows a young man (Rob) who works for a cleaning agency (by cleaning agency I mean a company who remove dead bodies).  He has a bit of a penchant for corpses and various body parts of corpses.  His job obviously provides the perfect opportunity for him to indulge in his pastime.  Luckily for him, his very attractive (how did he manage that?) girlfriend Betty seems to share in his hobby.

This movie follows Rob as he brings home a decomposing corpse to Betty and proceeds to indulge in a threesome.  For some reason the sex scenes in the movie are always shown with a 'shaky camera' style where everything seems out of focus. Small blessing I suppose.  Do I really want to watch a woman straddle a section of piping covered in a condom which she has attached to a corpse?  Or perhaps the face of a corpse shoved between a womans legs?  Maybe a bit of corpse eyeball sucking would be more to my taste?  I think not!  I'm still trying to figure out why on earth you would put a piece of metal THERE!! Ouch!

Aside from the theft of the corpse, which seems to be the focus, the movie seems to be attempting a serious message by showing us the other side to Robs life, where he is bullied and walked over; a perpetual doormat, perhaps corpses are the only people he feels on a level with?  He feels a bit more in control.  This is also illustrated by his need to kill a prostitute in order to get aroused to have sex with her.  For the record this scene is perhaps one of the lamest, worst acted scenes I have ever been witness to.  This is only topped by the scene which directly follows where a man who comes upon the scene is decapitated from the jaw upwards by a shovel.  So bad, its hilarious!

There isn't really much else to add about the movie.  There is little script to speak of.  The fact it is german probably doesn't matter, as you won't miss anything if you have no idea of anything that is being said.  Rob gets turned on by corpses, body parts, innards - particularly intestines, rabbit killing, skinning and gutting and death in general.  Betty dumps him as he loses his job and she is tried of being with a weak man who won't stand up for himself.  She does however take the corpse with her as a parting gift.  Rob ends up killing a prostitute, having sex with her, decapitating an old man before going home and stabbing himself to death whilst his enormous (but very fake looking) penis ejaculates all over the place.  Sounds pretty fucked up?  Well there you have it!

The movie ends with a shot of Robs grave and a female foot coming into shot with a spade ready to dig him up.

In case you were in any doubt as to what I thought of this movie.  It was crap.  A monumental waste of time.  Asides from the laugh that the decapitation gave me, it was complete and utter dross.  Big, fat AVOID slapped on its backside.

Stalker - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS***

I put 'spoilers' as my first word here, but I doubt it will spoil anything for anyone, for as unlikely as it is that anyone besides me and Will are actually reading these review, its even more unlikely anyone who didn't 'have' to watch this movie would have any desire to... even less so after reading my review I would imagine.

So, here we have Martin Kemps first directorial debut with Stalker, a movie described as a 'remake of Expose' (a movie we watched for the Nasties challenge).  Here instead of the delectable Udo Kier as the author Paul Martin, we have a rather dull, non inspiring female author called Paula Martin.

The basic premis is that she has a best selling book behind her and has had a difficult time and a nervous breakdown.  She retreats to a beautiful mansion in the middle of the country to seek inspiration and peace to write her second novel.  What follows could be compared to a mish-mash of movies... 'Single white female, 'Misery', 'Identity'... unfortunately it falls far short on every level when compared with any of these movies.

An assistant (Linda) is sent to help Paula with the typing of her novel.  Things all seem to be going swimmingly well (asides from what appears to be a rather uncomfortable over familiarity with Linda and Paula), then Paula continues to get increasingly more and more irate at her writers block.  This mild mannered, quiet, gentle woman is prone to hissy fits it seems.  Linda, seemingly wanting to help starts to write for Paula.   Initially absolutely furious at this intrusion and insult, Paula gives it to Linda both barrels.  That seems to be the last we see of Paula as the woman we have been introduced to.

From this point onwards, it becomes clear that Linda has a nasty plan and seems to want to take over Paulas life.  She advises her to have a day of rest as she is mentally troubled and feeling unwell.  Meanwhile she deals with everything for Paula.  'Dealing with things' includes murdering a rather nosey journalist who has been trying to get an interview with Paula (mostly about her breakdown) for a long time.  He can't believe his luck when Linda lets him in and she is openly agreeable to the interview (he thinks she is Paula).  The murder is probably the only thing is the movie that doesn't make me want to take to my bed for a loooong sleep.  It is rather convincing and a nice use of cheese wire I thought.

Linda also dispenses with the housekeeper by way of a hammer into the eye socket.   At this point Paula realises all is not well (she doesn't know about the murders) and Lindas intentions are not as they appear to be.  She realises she has been locked in her room and cannot get out.

So if you've zzzz'd along with me for this long, heres where the twist comes in.  If you don't want to know, don't read on....

Throughout the film we have had brief scenes with a past physician and friend of Paulas called Leo.  We find out a little more each time he is shown.  Apparently he dealt with her when she went through her breakdown.  We also cut to scenes of Paulas publicist Sara, who gets together for a meal with Leo where they discuss Paula.  Here it is revealed that Paula and Linda are one in the same person and Linda has been 'stalking' Paula since she was a child.  Paula has always been very troubled due to the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father.  She tells us (as Linda) she pulled his spleen out of him when he was on top of her.  We also see flashback scenes showing this, which had been flashed to us throughout the movie, but made no sense until this time.

We move on to Leo travelling to the house with Sara to see Paula.  He is panicked because he finds out the journalist has gone to see her and is worried for his safety.  This visit leads to Leos murder by way of a knife in the back.  Sara escapes into a wooded area and when Linda/Paula eventually catches up to her, she pushes her backwards into a tree which impales and kills her.  All very quick...completely unlike the first 3/4 of the movie.

So... everyone at the house is dead, yet there is a spectacular book on a laptop which Saras beady eyes have seen... so how does the movie end?  Yup,. as predictably as the old 'split personality' slant... Sara publishes it as her own... *YAWN*

This movie was MONUMENTALLY dull.  The last 15 minutes were much better than the previous hour, but I don't think it was worth it for something that I had guessed long before it was revealed.   I would suggest if you have no need to see this movie, AVOID it.  Big fat waste of time.

The Last Horror Movie - Lisa's Review

So to a goody this week!  YAY!!  I have watched this movie before, but as its a relatively short one (an hour  and 15 mins) it was easy to watch again.

So firstly I have to say, I don't know how swayed I was with my opinion on this movie, by how jaw droppingly delicious the actor is.  I'm hoping not so, but I just thought I would state that upfront in case I've missed something and loved a movie that is monumentally terrible purely through the delight of a rare perv.

Anyways... back to the movie.  This is the story of Max, a handsome, personable wedding videographer who has an interesting little sideline.  The thing is... he's a serial killer.  This serial killer sets out to make an 'intelligent horror movie' which challenges the viewer to think about their preconceptions and actual real-time reactions to what they are watching.  It raises quite a few interesting questions about people who enjoy this kind of movie (people like me you could say).  Of course, its all make believe and we all know that (I would have no desire to watch something I KNEW was real), but it does beggar the question, why on earth do we enjoy watching more and more realistic footage of people meeting brutal ends?

Although finding Max so visually appealing, I still feel there would be a common thread with the male viewer.  I would be surprised if men did not find him personable, interesting and intelligent.  That's the wierd juxtaposition (if thats the right word to use in this instance)... One minute you're watching him, nodding along to something he's saying, actually starting to like this guy... next minute you're feeling all judgemental (as he himself points out) and you're recoiling from the acts he is committing on screen... distancing yourself from it and him.  Yet again, he reels you in.... again, he shocks you by his barbarity and lack of any kind of empathy.  Its like a game of cat and mouse all the way through.

The movie is shot with a camcorder/documentary style by Max's young assistant (who I don't think is ever named), a homeless young man with no friends who hasn't seen any member of his family in several years.  Someone who won't be missed.  He moves in with Max and is offered somewhere to live in exchange for filming Max's murders.  The assistant thinks that taking someones life is something he wants to do, but we find out in a horrid scene where he is about to make his first kill, that he just doesn't have the stomach for it.  Just like in 'Texas Chainsaw' where Grandpa is trying to bash the young womans head in and failing miserably... we have much a similar situation where just not enough power is being administered.  Max has to take over and finish the job for him.... rather swiftly.

Now he knows his young assistant no longer wants to take a life and also no longer wants to be a part of his project, he realises he is dangerous to him, so has to do away with him.  Here we see the polar opposites in his character where he easilly cuts up his body and serves it up in a meal to his gran, sister and her husband, passing it off as a kind of veal.  They all eat a hearty meal and there are many compliments about how tasty the meat is.

Asides from being a cold and ruthless serial killer, Max is also a much loved brother, uncle and friend.  We see his relationships with his 2 young nephews, his sister and some of his friends (mainly Petra who he had 'a thing' with in the past).  He comes across as a normal, likable young man, with nothing whatsoever pointing to his dark side.

The movie ends by showing us what Max did with his movie when he had finished.  He put it over a normal horror movie, entitled 'The Last Horror Movie' and loitered around a video store waiting for someone to rent it.  He would follow them home and wait while they watched the movie in its entirety... he would then somehow gain entry into these peoples homes in an attempt to get some form of 'interesting' reaction from them... that reaction was never forthcoming.  All the viewers met their end while sat in front of their 'Last Horror Movie'.  He leaves us with the thought that we are next.... makes me VERY glad I didn't rent this one from a store, lol.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie from start to finish.  The acting is superb, the lead is one of the most engaging actors I have ever watched, the script is intelligent and questions posed thought provoking.  Big fat 'Recommended' from me.

The Virgin Spring - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS ***

A movie this week I don't think I would have ever chosen to watch having read the premis.  That's the good thing about doing these movie challenges, you get to see movies, you would never otherwise have watched.

I'm not going to do a blow by blow account of the movie.  This is the Swedish movie made in 1960, that 'Last House on the Left' was based on.  Although there are very good things to be said about both LHOTL movies (1972 and 2009), this movie is an altogether different experience.  Whereas I would describe its successors are exploitation movies, this is not on any level.  Its a deep movie that makes you think, that does disturb you, but in a different way.

To start with the cinematography in this movie is just beautiful!  It is a joy to watch aesthetically.  From a story point of view its heartbreaking.  We see the young, beautiful, but very naive and innocent daughter (Karin) of a religious couple raped and murdered by 2 herdsmen when she is delivering candles to a church.  This is all witnessed by her pregnant adoptive sister and maid (who is stunningly beautiful it has to be said) and a young boy who is with the herdsmen.

Unwittingly the men seek shelter at the girls parents home and try to sell the clothes they stripped off her body after they had killed her, alerting them to what had happened.

The parents being deeply religious people opens up all sorts of questions when they seek revenge for their daughters murder and kill the herdsmen.  The father seems to question his faith when wondering how something like this could possibly happen, but at the same time he wants to make up to god for what he has done, so he promises to build a church on the site of where his daughters body was found.  A virgin spring has sprung forth from where she was found and her parents heartbreakingly wash their daughter in it.

I found this movie very thought provoking and beautiful to watch.  My skin crawled  towards the herdsmen characters.  They were repugnant.  The actual rape scene was horrid and although not graphic, it was very matter of fact and to the point.  There is no soundtrack to this movie.  No music to set a mood, or to tell us how we should feel or cover an uncomfortable scene with peril.  This made the rape scene all the more nasty for me.

The murder of Karin and the herdsmen is again very to the point and not blood thirsty but is oddly effective.   I liked how fire was used in a scene with one of the herdsmen and the reality of how the father throws the young boy against a wall in his grief.

This movie is certainly not for everyone, but I for one enjoyed it.  It was very different from anything I have watched before and I found it refreshingly different.  I would recommend it to all movie fans who like to unearth little hidden treasures.

Thumbs up from me.

Women Behind Bars - Lisa's Review

Not a lot to say this week.  We've been here before, both with the subject matter  (you only need to look at the title really) and the director.  If you have any desire to watch a prison sexploitation movie, this has been done much better elsewhere.

Here we start the movie with a robbery of some diamonds by 3 masked men.  One of the robbers, dispatches with the other 2, keeping the haul for himself.  Sadly his girlfriend Shirley meanwhile learns he has been unfaithful and kills him in a fit of jealousy.  She contacts the police and confesses.

Visiting Hours - Lisa's Review

*** SOME SPOILERS ***

I struggled this week with why on earth this movie found its way onto the Nasties List.  It would be much better suited as a Sunday afternoon movie.  There is little in the way of gore or graphic scenes in the movie to complain about, so I'm at a loss.  There is a scene which sexualises a knife torture and rape, which I suppose is a bit in bad taste, but I've seen worse before the watershed I'm sure.

Killer Nun - Will's Review

Nunspoitation; A genre that conjures up images of massive lesbian orgies in kinky short habits, or at the very least something like this:

... Unless that's just me?

In any case, there's nun of that here. Just some lame murders (and one cool one) and a plot "twist" that's telegraphed right from the start...

***Spoilers follow***


Movie rule number 1: If a character you assume is the lead keeps talking to someone, but you never actually see their face; It IS NOT the lead character.

Movie rule number 2: If you never see the supposed killer kill anyone, the ARE NOT the real killer.

Everyone knows this, Right?

So when we keep cutting between the, admittedly less-than-nunly, shenanigans of morphine-addicted Sister Gertrude, murders committed by nunly hands of indeterminate origin, and a never-seen nun in confessional saying that she "won't stop" "Punishing men" because of "What he did to me" it should be patently obvious that  Gertrude isn't the killer, or the Nun in the confessional.

Anyway, our nuns here work in a hospital (I would call it a retirement home, but just one or two of the patents / inmates aren't old enough) and as Gurtrude starts to loose it (through her morphine addiction) she starts to get less popular with the residents, especially the old lady who's dentures she stamps on in a fit of rage! Sadly, the Hospital envrionment is really only used in one of the kills - in which a woman is tortured by being stabbed in the face (and through an eyeball) with hypodermic needles, while her mouth is taped shut with medical tape, which is not only the best kill, but also the highlight of the entire movie.

Not entirely unwatchable if you have time to kill, but there are a hell of a lot of movies out there I'd see first.

Body Count: 6
Boob COunt: 2 Pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: Accupuncture - ur doing it wrong!

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I Miss You, Hugs and Kisses - Will's Review

Before considering watching this film, I want you to read the first part of this review. There are spoilers later in this review, as always but there's some highlight to read text coming up that, although it may be considered a spoiler, I really think you should know before agreeing to committing and hour and a half of your life.

Ready? okay, highlight this [ This is a whodunit where YOU NEVER FIND OUT WHO DID IT!!!].

Yeah, Really!

*****More spoilers to follow*****
 I commented way back in Week 5 that blood is, as we are so often told, thicker than water, and as such one cannot get away with using red water as blood; no such problems here - the opening kill seems to work on the idea that blood is thicker than custard - a pipe to the head seems to result in red emulation paint pouring from under the victim's hairline!

Seven whole minutes into the movie, a text crawls informs us that the movie we are "about to see"(!) is based on a true story - then has the lamest disclaimer you've ever seen (To paraphrase "except in so far as it isn't") - see the end of the review for this text's reprise.

The biggest problem here, besides it's utter dullnes and lack of resolution, is the way the film jumps all over the place - It starts with a murder, then jumps to the trial of the (supposed) killer - the victims husband, then it's flashbacks based on testimony (including the cardinal sin of flashbacks - flashbacks to things that the person speaking wasn't present for) so next we're in wartime Hungary, then a party where the guy's wife is still alive, then they meet, then the marriage is on the rocks - all without warning.

Come to think of it, even the trail itself is jumbled - the first trail scene has the judge asking if the prisoner has anything to say before sentence is passed, but later in the film we here from witnesses - an the jury presenting their decision near the end of the film is played as a point of drama, despite the fact that we already know he will be sentenced. What. A. Mess.

The only point in the movie during which I was remotely entertained is presented here, to save you the effort of watching the rest of the "movie" (bear in mind that these guys are best friends):

Well... This is awkward...

There's a go-nowhere subplot about a murderer who escapes a home for the criminally insane - we see him kill (THEN rape - eew) a girl we have never seen before, and then he's actually called to our guy's trail based on the fact that the location of the murder - in the victims own home - was a bit close to the site of his murders.

The police investigation is carried out so badly that ANY lawyer ,including Lionel Hutz or Ted Buckland, could have got it thrown out of court! The police promise key suspects immunity to wear a wire, strip the body naked at the scene before (glovelessly) cramming them into an evidence bag, and pull out the victims fingernails (!) and bag them without a pathologist present. Oh, and the entire justice system fails to notice that the husband is out shopping with his daughter and the victims cousin at the time of the murder!

I suspect that this movie was originally a lot more chronological, but they realized it was dull and (mistakenly) thought that shuffling it would make it more interesting.

Fun Fact: The movie Men In Black originally had an extra sub plot, which didn't test well and was removed in post production, obviously one cannot simply cut a subplot and have everything else just work out, so re-shoots are usually needed - in the case of MiB this was avoided by re-dubbing a talking dog, and changing some subtitles and the display of a large viewscreen. Why do I mention this here? I suspect that a similar clever bit of editing may have happened in this movie.

See if you can spot the oh-so-smooth dialogue removal in the following scene:

Seamless, ain't it?

All in all the whole thing is a shambles which, despite having far too many sub-plots and suspects, manages to be confusig, dull and frustrating in roughly equal measures.

Oh, and in-case we missed the bizarre information / disclaimer crawl at the (kind of) begging of the film, the text is repeated again after the credits:

It's fiction... apart from the bits which are true... which may also be fiction...

Body Count: 5 (2 'real' plus 3 in dream sequences)
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: Countless chickens in slaughterhouse footage.
Most memorable death: Paint-headed pinata woman.

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I Miss You, Hugs & Kisses - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

This weeks movie seemed to be keeping with the trend of sedative viewing.

I found this one hard viewing.  It was so dull and I was so uninterested in it, getting to the end was a struggle.  I still feel I probably missed half of it through mind drifting.  It is a supposed true story, but how much of this has been kept close to the actual story is anyones guess.


The movie starts with a murder of a supposedly beautiful (I say supposed as I didn't think she was) model Magdalene.  All fingers are pointing at her husband, Charles.  The movie plays out as a court room drama with flashbacks to events leading up to the murder.  As it does, it introduces possible killer after killer and uncovers new motives.

As with last weeks movie, this one had an appearance of being made for TV.  There were a few scenes which would have raised a few eyebrows from the usual viewers of this kind of dross (and they were the reasons it made the DPP list) but asides from that, I can see this alongside Columbo or Murder she Wrote on a Sunday afternoon.

What else can I say about this movie without boring you even more than I was with regards to the plot... scenes in the movie that probably led to it being placed on the nasties list??

A Chicken Slaughterhouse (all been seen before so not surprising)
Head Bludgeoning (we see the victim being bludgeoned by every suspect leaving lots of unanswered questions for the viewer... if indeed they care)
A Stabbing followed by a suggestion of necrophilia (performed off screen - This was a bit disturbing as it seemed so out of place in the movie, something genuinely nasty)
A disgruntled husbands fantasies about killing his wife (this was more humorous than anything else)


This movie is all over the place in the court room.  We keep getting more and more information and just when you think you know 'who did it', we are presented with another would-be killer.  Thing is... I didn't care who did it.  Was it the husband Charles?  After all Magdalene won't sleep with him and he is in love with another woman.  He also talks at length with his best friend Gershen (I kept seeing Bobby Ewing when I looked at him!) about ways to kill his wife.  Was it Gershen, his confidant who was actually having an affair with the victim? (naughty boy!) Was it the escaped serial killer with the penchant for sex with corpses?  (On a side note, this character seemed to have no place in the movie.  I could see a movie about him working though.) Even cops are fingered as possible murderers.

After everything has played out in the court, the jury find Charles guilty.  They are then asked to stand up as their numbers are called 1 at a time, if they agreed with the verdict... was this ever the case in reality? (Will?)

We end the movie with Charles writing a letter to Paulie (not sure if that was his daughter or the woman he was having the affair with... I think it was the daughter).  He has been in prison for a couple of years and is appealing his conviction.  The things he seems most perturbed about are the fact he's had to have his head shaved and the food is crap (so much so its brought him out in boils, lol).

Rather dull ending to a very dull movie.  Not quite as bad as last week, it has to be said, but still... not something I'll ever watch again.

I wouldn't bother with this one folks.  Nothing particularly nasty or rivetting here.

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Human Experiments - Will's Review

With a title like that I expected this to either be, or attempt to be, incredibly nasty, Perhaps detailing atrocities similar to those committed at Unit 731, or at very least something akin to the Nasty Nazi movies we have seen so far.

And yet, once again, I am made to fondly look back on trash like The Beast In Heat as "the good old days"...

Our Heroin is accused of a mass-murder she didn't commit (and which a simple print-dusting and ballistics analysis would have cleared her of - she never touched the gun that was used in the killings) and sent to the world most lax prison.

We never see her trail, but she arrives at prison in a red dress, heeled shoes and a necklace - clothes clearly unsuitable for court or prisoner transport.

Once she arrives, her and the other new arrivals are showered and given their prison uniforms (fetching blue numbers). What follows is mostly like a very, very, dull version of Prisoner: Cell Block H, except with a secret lab in the basement.

And that's where things should get interesting...but don't.

The only "Human Experiment" on display, is one where women are reduced to a child-like state (we don't see how) in order that they can be 'raised' properly, thus re-rehabilitation. as best i can tell, the extent of this 'raising' is asking them to locate a cut-out of Mickey Mouse's head, among an assortment of geometric shapes, and occasionally being presented with a 'grown up' meal, to see how well they eat their mashed potatoes.

There are only 14 minuets left of the film before our heroin gets involved in (or even learns of) the experiments, and before that point we only see them twice; the rest of the film is literally nothing more than women doing prison stuff - Tending the garden, playing arcade games in the rec room for boxes of sweets (no cigarettes, although some of them do smoke), taking roll call... dull!

And either I blinked and missed him, or we didn't even get the strange dwarf dude promised on one of the video covers I found online:

Sadly, This appears to be a different movie.

Body Count: 4

Boob Count: 4

Animal Body Count: countless insect specimens are on display, and a few bugs probably get squished, but not close-up enough to confirm.

Most Memorable Death: Just Hangin' in her cell...

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