Martyrs - Will's Review

One of the great things about watching movies from a list you didn't write, is that occasionally you get to go into a film completely cold. For my money the best way to see any film is with absolutely no knowledge of it at all, but when choosing films for yourself it's all but impossible.

I'm pleased to say that I went into Martyrs knowing exactly nothing. If you like your horror movies brutal, and don't mind subtitles (it's a French film) I STRONGLY recommend that you stop reading. Come back when you've seen it.

Martyrs - Lisa's Review

I'll start the review by saying right away that this is one of my favourite horror movies.  It's the only movie I own on Blu-ray even though I don't even have a Blu-ray player.  I will one day and had to buy this one when I saw it as a bargain.  It's not too often a movie comes along that stays with you for a long time afterwards and prompts some deep thought.  This is definately true of Martyrs.  I know a lot of people who refuse to watch a foreign language film, which is such a shame as so many people will miss out on so many fantastic films, this being french is one of them.  So, to the movie itself.

One thing I will say to start with is the less you know about this movie, the better.  Director, Pascal Laugier even states this in a DVD introduction.  He prefers viewers to see it as "Virgins".  Having watched this movie quite a few times, I can understand why.  Having a absolutely terrible memory means I can enjoy different aspects of this movie each time I watch it as I never remember absolutely everything.  Martyrs isn't a simple, easy watch.  It's a very thought provoking, moving and clever movie, that prompts questions that don't necessarily even have answers.  Writing a review of a movie when you're trying to give absolutely nothing away is somewhat difficult, so I would say if you haven't seen this movie, stop here!  Go rectify the situation!

Les Diaboliques - Will's Review

Movie legend has it that when director Henri-George Clouzot bought the film rights to the novel Celle qui n’était plus (She Who Was No More) by Pierre Boileau and Thomas Narcejac, he beat Alfred Hitchcock to the punch by mere hours. While Clouzot undoubtedly made a fine movie, I'd love to see a version from an alternates inverse where Hitchcock got there first...

CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS

Les Diaboliques - Lisa's Review

I start this weeks movie with a surprise announcement!  I enjoyed a movie from 1955!!  There are of course a few old movies I love, but in general this is not the rule.  It's a great thing to have another movie to challenge my norm.

So, the movie.  Les Diaboliques as I'm sure you have already gathered is a french movie.  It is directed by Henri-Georges Clouzot.  Rather than put this movie in the 'horror' section, I would err more to the side of thriller.  There is a suggestion of the paranormal within the movie, but not so much as to pull it away from the realms of thriller.

The movie follows the story of a love triangle.  Maybe I should say hate triangle.  The setting is a boarding school for boys, run by the horrid misogynistic Michel Delassalle, but owned by his impossibly beautiful, but very ill wife Christina.  Making up the triangle is Michels mistress Nicole Horner who teaches at the school.

Michel is a violent, abusive, angry man who not only mentally and physically abuses his wife, but also his mistress Nicole.  He stays with his frail and sickly wife, who has a heart condition only to wait for her death so he inherits the school she owns,  Together, his wife and mistress, tired of the abuse, decide that they will get rid of him, by any means necessary.

The Fog (1980) - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

So this week we're back to 1980 and to John Carpenters 'The Fog'.  I remember having watched this movie many years ago, but as always is the case with me, a few months after watching a movie, I've forgotten the entire content.  Needless to say, I had to revisit the movie in order to do a review.

This movie has obviously made an impression, as in the years which followed, we had a 2005 version of 'The Fog' and a remarkably similar concept in 'The Mist'.  Anyways, I deviate.

The movie is based around a seaside town of Antonio Bay which is celebrating its centennial.  The movie starts with an old man sat around a campfire with a group of children, telling a scary story, which is unfortunately not a work of fiction.

100 years ago, a group of men, including an ancestor of the towns priest, Father Malone, deliberately caused a ship called 'Elizabeth Dane' to crash into rocks.  They set a fire, which acted as a false beacon and ultimately led the ship and its crew to their deaths.  The ship was full of gold, which the men proceeded to steal and the town of Antonio Bay was built with these ill gotten gains.

The movie tells the story of the towns centennial celebrations which prompt the return of the perished crew to seek revenge from the townsfolk and reclaim what is rightfully theirs.

The cast consists of Father Malone, the towns priest and descendant of one of the original group of criminals, A female DJ Stevie Wayne with the sultriest of voices, Stevies son,  Nick Castle - all round good guy and Elizabeth Solley - an out of town pretty girl, who is picked up by Nick while hitch hiking.

Something I like about John Carpenters movies is the existence of strong female characters.  In horror, females are generally there to provide eye candy (although arguably this is probably the case here too), but also to be a shrieking, screaming mess in need of rescue from the male lead.  Thankfully, this isn't the case here, which is a plus right away.  He obviously also rates Jamie Lee Curtis as she makes a reappearance as a female lead in this movie after the success of her performance in Carpenters Halloween.

I seem to have digressed again... apologies.  Inexplicable things happen, electrical faults, public phones all ringing, devices switching themselves on, objects moving by themselves...  This is the first sign of all not being well.  As Nick gives Elizabeth a ride into town, the cars electrics start to fail and the windows shatter.

As we progress, the ghosts of the fallen crew return on the towns centennial and wreak havoc in the town as they appear in an eerie fog and slay anyone who gets in their way.  This starts with 3 fishermen when their boat is engulfed in an eerie glowing fog.   They see an old boat pull alongside them, which contains the ghosts of the fallen crew and they all meet their end within the fog.

The remainder of the movie follows the remaining characters struggling to survive through the existence of the fog and the attempts to send the ghosts back whence they came.  I won't go any more detail about the storyline in case our imaginary readers have yet to see the movie, but it is all pretty much what you'd expect.

Originally this movie was meant to be a more supernatural ghost story and not so much a horror containing gore, but the insistence was made to add more length to the movie and make it nastier and gorier for the audiences.  I for one, would have loved to see the original as I thought the kills didn't add to the story at all.  The movie would have been just as powerful had we seen nothing of how anyone met their end.  In actual fact, it may have been more powerful.

I love the ominous feel of the movie, the setting, the casting and the storyline.  I enjoyed it when I first watched this movie and again on a repeat viewing.  I would recommend anyone watch this as I struggle to think of much negative to say about this movie.

Lisa Recommends.

The Virgin Spring - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS ***

A movie this week I don't think I would have ever chosen to watch having read the premis.  That's the good thing about doing these movie challenges, you get to see movies, you would never otherwise have watched.

I'm not going to do a blow by blow account of the movie.  This is the Swedish movie made in 1960, that 'Last House on the Left' was based on.  Although there are very good things to be said about both LHOTL movies (1972 and 2009), this movie is an altogether different experience.  Whereas I would describe its successors are exploitation movies, this is not on any level.  Its a deep movie that makes you think, that does disturb you, but in a different way.

To start with the cinematography in this movie is just beautiful!  It is a joy to watch aesthetically.  From a story point of view its heartbreaking.  We see the young, beautiful, but very naive and innocent daughter (Karin) of a religious couple raped and murdered by 2 herdsmen when she is delivering candles to a church.  This is all witnessed by her pregnant adoptive sister and maid (who is stunningly beautiful it has to be said) and a young boy who is with the herdsmen.

Unwittingly the men seek shelter at the girls parents home and try to sell the clothes they stripped off her body after they had killed her, alerting them to what had happened.

The parents being deeply religious people opens up all sorts of questions when they seek revenge for their daughters murder and kill the herdsmen.  The father seems to question his faith when wondering how something like this could possibly happen, but at the same time he wants to make up to god for what he has done, so he promises to build a church on the site of where his daughters body was found.  A virgin spring has sprung forth from where she was found and her parents heartbreakingly wash their daughter in it.

I found this movie very thought provoking and beautiful to watch.  My skin crawled  towards the herdsmen characters.  They were repugnant.  The actual rape scene was horrid and although not graphic, it was very matter of fact and to the point.  There is no soundtrack to this movie.  No music to set a mood, or to tell us how we should feel or cover an uncomfortable scene with peril.  This made the rape scene all the more nasty for me.

The murder of Karin and the herdsmen is again very to the point and not blood thirsty but is oddly effective.   I liked how fire was used in a scene with one of the herdsmen and the reality of how the father throws the young boy against a wall in his grief.

This movie is certainly not for everyone, but I for one enjoyed it.  It was very different from anything I have watched before and I found it refreshingly different.  I would recommend it to all movie fans who like to unearth little hidden treasures.

Thumbs up from me.

Freaks - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

Here we are on the first week of our 'Beyond Nasty' launch.  Fresh from the accomplishment of completing the 72 'Nasties' List, we're pushing on to other movies in a similar vein.

This weeks offering is 'Freaks'.  I knew nothing of this movie when I started to watch it, so was surprised that it was made in 1932!!  That probably makes it the oldest movie I've ever seen.  From a bit of background reading I find out it was made with actual real-life circus performers who had deformations or where seen as 'freaks' at the time.  It was commonplace to use makeup and costumes to achieve this look, so the use of real people caused a bit of a furore at the time, consequently leading to its banning for 30 years.  I don't see the problem.  Surely if you want to see these people as equal to us (which they are), then they should be able to make a bit of money from the situation, rather than a role go to a much less suited actor?  Anyways...

I loved the style of this movie.  It was indeed very odd, but captivating at the same time.  I found the story pulled me right in and kept me transfixed all the way through.  It didn't feel like I was watching out of any sort of morbid curiosity, but because the characters were real, the story interesting and I simply wanted to see how it all panned out.  Another aspect I loved was the musical score in the movie.  It reminded me of really old cartoons.

Our storyline here focuses around Hans, a midget from the circus the movie is set around.  He is engaged to an absolutely adorable woman (also a midget) called Frieda.  We learn that Hans seems to have a bit of a crush on a normal sized trapeze artist Cleopatra (a nasty cow).  For some unknown reason he wants to be with Cleopatra and leaves Frieda for her.   Baaaaaaad move for every reason possible.  Why you would want to leave a woman like Frieda is anyones guess.   Frieda, even after losing her Hans, begs Cleopatra to leave him alone and accidentally lets slip about an inheritance he is coming into.  This plants an idea in Cleopatras head and she marries him planning to poison him, pocket his money and live happilly ever after with her boyfriend Hercules, the circus strongman.

The Wedding reception is definately the oddest you would have ever seen.  Cleopatra gets rather inebriated and is rude and obnoxious to all the other performers.  She openly snogs her boyfriend Hercules at her wedding reception and mocks Hans for getting jealous.  The guests however seem to accept her and chant 'One of us, One of us' in a rather menacing way.. along with some gobble  gobbling???

What follows is the discovery that Cleopatra is slowly poisoning her husband.  She does it for the first time at the reception and proceeds to continue administering poison as she supposedly cares for him and gives him medicine.  However another circus performer overhears Cleopatra and Hercules discussing the plot and tells Hans and all the other freaks.  They plan revenge!  The film culminates in the freaks attacking them, this isn't shown in any real graphic nature, but still manages to be frightening and ominous.  I loved the scene of all the 'freaks' closing in one Hercules.  Fantastic stuff!

We end the movie going back to a scene that was briefly shown at the start where a circus master is showing a group of punters into a pen where a previously beautiful trapeze artist has been horribly disfigured.  We finally get a peek into the pen and see Cleopatra squalking like a bird.  She seems to be without legs and has feathers all over her torso.  Her face is also disfigured.

The movie ends sadly with Hans in his newly aquired mansion.  Frieda comes to see him with 2 of her friends from the circus.  He is angry at them for coming to see him and he is still grieving for his situation with Cleopatra.  After everything that's happened, the movie ends with Frieda holding Hans as he cries.  He doesn't deserve that woman!

I enjoyed this movie.  It was poignant, odd, quirky, interesting, moving and different to anything I have ever watched before.  I would definately recommend it.

Thumbs up from me.

Fight for your life - Lisa's Review

*** Spoilers ***

So, to this weeks movie....before I get stuck in to what this one is about, I'll say I really enjoyed it. Although it was released in 1977, I found it relevant and poignant. Sure a lot of it is dated, but in a nostalgic, warm way. That's not to say that this movie could be described as nostalgic or warm in any way, quite the contrary in fact.

Fight for Your Life - Will's review

Minor spoilers visible some major ones in invisi-text (highlight to read)

“3 Convicts; an American, A Mexican and a Chinaman, take a black family hostage in their home in the middle of nowhere” it sounds like the setup to an outdated joke, but it is in-fact the plot of this week’s Video Nasty.

The poster claims “There is no greater violence than a Father’s revenge for the rape of his daughter”, but this rape does not occur until the last 10 minutes of the movie, so this if far from your typical “rape revenge” movie, it is, in fact, a fairly typical “Home Invasion” flick, moreover, the fathers “revenge” isn’t particularly nasty [after taunting Kane for a bit, he shoots him dead with a single shot]

Exposé - Will's Review

Sorry for the late review, when I'm not doing this, I'm self employed, and I've been battling my accounts ready for the end of the month deadline...

Anyway, This weeks movie; Exposé is the only British movie on the DPP list, it's also the first one (at least alphabetically) to star horror mainstay Udo Kier (we'll be seeing him again in 'Flesh for Frankenstein') - indecently, Udo was offered the Japanese profits in exchange for his appearance, he instead insisted on an actual fee; almost inevitably, the film was a massive hit in Japan...

So, is it any good?

Meh!

There's nothing wrong with it as such (apart from the hideous tit's of 'sex symbol' Fiona Richmond) but it's not terribly exciting either, and the structure is slightly odd - It is made obvious early on that Udo's new secretary is stalking him (we see her masturbating to his picture, which she had before she met him) - something which feels like it aught to be a twist, and although the killer is (for the first kill at least) unseen, there is never any reason to suspect anyone other than the secretary / stalker.

The Movie's 'twist' revolves instead around WHY she is stalking him... but it doesn't really shock the way I think it was supposed to, and doesn't gel at all with the (frequent) masturbation.

The highlight for me had to be the fact that a rapist (Jacko, from 80's sitcom Brush Strokes) seemingly survives days in a cornfield with shotgun wounds to the face, without actually crawling away, and then continently dies immediately after doing the thing the scriptwriters kept him alive to do.

Not bad, but a bit dull, and with terrible stabbing effects (which are still more convincing than those tits - shudder)

Body Count: 5

Boob count: 2 pairs (if you count those god-awful falsies as 'boobs')

Animal Body Count: 0

Most Memorable death: Shower scene revisited (badly)

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Exposé - Lisa's Review

***SPOILERS***

I start this review a little guiltily knowing I should probably think this movie was pants, but I actually quite enjoyed it. It had me cackling most of the way through.

The premis here, is an up himself author (Paul Martin) who has 1 successful book behind him (he keeps telling anyone who will listen how well it did and how much he made from it) attempting to write book number 2. He takes off to a quiet house in the country and goes about hiring a typist to assist him in his endeavours. He decides not to bring his lady friend with him after tiring of her and I'm not surprised it has to be said. NEVER have I seen a more hideous, overly tanned (she looks roasted!) and wierd chested woman in a movie. During the woman on top sex scenes, her boobs don't move AT ALL, no swaying, nothing!!! Also her acting when it comes to displays of esctasy is downright scary. I would be terrified if I was shagging that! Wierdly Paul always wears rubber gloves when he is having sex and he has flashes in his mind of some man outside a window and him covered in lots of blood every time. I don't think they ever explained that.


Sooooo our author Pauil clears off to the country and is soon met at the station by his typist (Linda)- a very pretty and we soon learn nympho type. She is harranged by a couple of thugs, who do the usual leering crap we come to expect for a pretty woman in a movie. They are dealt with very swiftly and impressively by this 'stiff-looking' suited author when he embarrassingly knocks 7 shades of excrement out of them.

The movie is quite slow and mostly centers around him dictating the text to Linda and the sexual tension that builds very quickly between them. He discovers she has a vibrator in her suitcase (oh quelle suprise! naughty girl!) and this seems to make him think its ok to try her room when he hears suggestion moans coming from behind a closed door. Yes, she is having a little fun alone time and knows he is there trying the door and peering in at her nakedness (she's finished by this stage) but she doesn't seem to care.

The scene which leads to her need for relief is most amusing. Paul dictates a new paragraph to her all surrounding going down on a woman... its all 'tongue darting here and there' etc etc. Before any climax is reached or any real filth is alluding to, he says 'Ok, thats enough for now'.. You could literally FEEL the frustration!

Another amusing scene after she emerges from her room post play is when he says 'You've been a long time' and she finishes his sentence 'in coming?'.. its so bad, its hilarious!

On another very wierd scene, she goes for a walk in a cornfield and has another go, but shock horror, the 2 guys from earlier at the station are there and ready to rape her. She doesn't seem bothered at all and if anything looked like she enjoyed it to me. She even strokes the shotgun one of them is holding her with. Afterwards, she shoots them both with the gun.. It sort of left me wondering what the hell the point of the scene was.. I suppose something else sexual was needed.... who knows.

So you're wondering where the hell this movie is going.. Pauls girlfriend shows up on his invite after Linda spurns his advances. He needs a bit, so here she is for some more scary sex and even some lesbian sex with Linda. She gets everywhere. I think Linda sleeps with her just to wind Paul up.

So everyone is having sex, frustrating each other and masturbating.. where are we going???

Basically we discover that Linda was married to the real author of Pauls first book that made him so much money. He stole the book and took the credit and she intended to get her revenge.

She attempts to kill him by cutting the brakes on her car, but he survives by crashing into a river and heads back to the house.

I won't spoil the ending completely but after a very slow movie, it all ends rather abruptly and obviously.

I know this movie was terrible but I enjoyed it because it was so bad. Why its a video nasty is anyones guess.

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

HALLOWEEN SPECIAL - Lisa's Pick: Saw

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This week, reviewers were given a free choice of any horror movie.

Year: 2004

Alternate Titles: N/A

DPP Status: Passed Uncut, 2005

BBFC Status: Rated 18, with 4m11s of cuts

IMDB: Saw

Wikipedia: Saw

DVD: R2 Uncut

---

I chose this movie for a review due to it being one of my favourite horrors. I'll admit I rushed my choice and forgot about 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' and 'House of 1000 corpses' but hey ho, SAW it is.

I remember watching this movie in the cinema and feeling something I barely do watching anything - a lovely big shiver run down my spine when the end twist was revealed. It was so utterly wonderful because I never even begun to imagine the twist, it was so completely out of the blue, it floored me. I love that. Off the top of my head, the only other movie I remember getting that same rush about was at the end of 'The Usual Suspects' when Keyser Soze is revealed. I won't spoil the twist in either movies, in the vain hope that someone other than Will actually reads these reviews and hasn't seen either of these movies. Its rare I don't get the twist or see things coming a mile off, so to have that happen in such a big way was wonderful!

So why do I love SAW? Well admittedly I am a bit of a gore hound and enjoy things being taken to new lengths which I feel SAW pretty well for a mainstream horror movie (so many are 15 certs these days.. it kind of begs the question, why bother?). Apart from the obvious gore, this movie is clever, well thought out and is about so much more than the bloodshed. Without giving away too much about the movie, it reminded me a lot of Se7en (which I also love) but with a slightly more horrific edge. I suppose where Se7en concentrated more on the psychological effects of murders, SAW leans more towards the ick factor.

The basic premis of SAW is our murderer who is out to teach our victims life lessons, to make them appreciate the lives they have rather than take it for granted. He does this by setting up various 'traps' which our victims have to engineer their way out of. Escape usually means maiming, serious injury or doing something very nasty. Failure to escape means a horrid death. The hope is that if they manage to live, they will then not take their lives for granted. It makes them think about how much they appreciate their lives.

One trap includes a self harming drug addict who has a reverse-springed bear trapped anchored to her head and wired into her jaws with a timer attached to the back. She comes to in a chair with this contraption fixed and while she is trying to comprehend whats going on (and failing miserably) the TV to her side flicks into life and there's a scary puppet (Billy) used by our killer to explain. This is a part I love in every 'game', the killer in a disguised freakish voice telling our victim what the trap is, what is expected of them and what will happen if they don't 'win' the game. In this case it tells her that she is throwing her life away and taking for granted what she has, he wants to see just how much she want to live. She has a set time period to escape from the trap by digging the key to her trap out of the body lying in the corner of the room. If she doesn't manage it, the trap will spring open breaking her jaws and ripping her lower jaw completely off. F*** that she thinks and springs out of her seat, which starts the timer ticking. She runs over to the body (which she soon realizes is actually alive but is paralyzed by a drug overdose) and she must decide whether to dig into this poor guys intestines to find the key and save herself. I won't tell you whether she did or didn't but needless to say, its messy.

There are other wonderful traps including a razor wire pit , a drill chair, flammable fluid and a darkened room with only a candle to use as light. On top of these, we also have the bathroom setting with our main 2 kidnapped victims story unfolding, which also involves the infamous leg sawing scene.

I don't want to go into any more detail about the traps or the twist or even who the killer is or why, but needless to say its all wonderful, brilliantly thought out and doesn't disappoint anywhere. I LOVE this movie and have watched it over and over again, many many times. Even the theme music makes me tingle! I have sat through several poor sequels so much did I enjoy the first one, but to be honest, even though I know they weren't great, I still enjoy them to a degree as I love the idea so much.

If you haven't seen it, you simply MUST!!!

---

As this is a non-cannon review, it will not carry a "Reader Review" Page, you may add your own reviews in the comments section.

SHOCKTOBER SPECIAL: Shogun Assassin - Lisa's Review

NOTE: In honour of Halloween, We're taking a break from the DPP list.

This weeks movie was selected because (although it never made the list) it was often seized by the police during DPP raids, and is often mistakenly listed as a "Video Nasty".

*** SPOILERS ***

So a break from the infamous list for October and kicking off this month is 'Shogun Assasin'. Now I know absolutely nothing about this movie, so as I started to watch, my heart sank. I HATE martial arts movies or arty japanese 'flying through the air' movies, which is what this seemed lining up to be. However as I watched, the fantastic narration by the main character 'Lone Wolf's little son won me over and I found myself enjoying the story.

The basic premis here without breaking down the entire movie is an aging and podgy but kick ass samurai (Lone Wolf) who is set on revenge against his Shogun who killed his wife. The Shogun is a very powerful man (who reminded me of someone out of Monkey Magic) who is served by Samurais all over, so he has quite a few fighters to overcome. The movie follows his travels with his young son after the Shogun and his inevitable defeat of them all one by one.

If its at all possible, the fight and death scenes were artistically shot and wonderfully fast (I hate dragged out fighting scenes) with lots of different deaths by way of Samurai sword (a group who share Lone Wolfs loathing of the Shogun also seem to have quite the love for 4 pronged claw weapons which show up a lot) There seems to be a love by the director for spurting blood which appears in most death scenes.

Scenes which stand out for me are Lone Wolfs insistence for his son to chose life or death by crawling towards a ball or a sword (as he's only a baby). The baby chooses to crawl towards the sword in a very powerful scene, so goes with his dad across the country in the most awesome of prams, counting his dads kill total so he can pray for their souls.

Another scene I loved was Lone Wolf and his sons silhouettes standing against a beautiful backdrop looking out into the distance while blood spurts onto the screen from the side from his latest kill which hasn't even hit the ground yet.

A completely slice in half head was spectacuarly awesome and a sad irony from a guy who finally heard the noise a slit throat makes, but sadly its his own were other scenes I enjoyed.

His toddler son even joins in by engaging some swords from his pram by pressing buttons to release them at opportune moments. One such set of swords attached to the prams wheels, manage to completely amputate the feet off one enemy as it careers towards them. As a mother of a young son I was cringing at his use of his precious son in these scenes.

This movie, although some may find gorey in places, is definately not one for gore fetishists or seekers of the most realistic of gore. I found though that this is not what the movie is about, nor does it matter that the blood bears no resemblance to the real thing.

The style of this movie is unlike anything I have watched before and I'm not going to sit and dissect the story bit by bit, but I loved its brutal, yet artistic scenes and moving narration throughout. It was won over completely for me by the child actor who was simply wonderful as Lone Wolfs son. I also loved the soundtrack to this one which fitted the movie perfectly.

All in all I loved the general feel and style of this movie and would recommend it to anyone with a love of movies and half a braincell.

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

The Burning - Lisa's Review

Before I start reviewing the movie in a completely different font to norma,l, I have to point out how ‘The Burning’ looks exactly like ‘The Buming’ in arial….. we won’t be using that then. On my enforced break from the internet, I’m trying to keep up with the movie reviews, so readers (if there are any) should get a few all at once from me.

So…. The Burning. This is one of the more modern nasties, even though it’s an 80’s movie. For its time it was ok, not bad. If you’re a fan of ‘Friday the 13^th’ movies, then you’ll most probably enjoy this one as the similarities can’t be avoided. I for one have never been a big fan of the ‘slasher V teenagers’ movies so I found it a bit dull and monotonous, but I think that’s just a question of my taste rather than a slur on the movie itself. In all it was pretty well put together, the acting wasn’t too bad and the premis was pretty straightforward and left no stray storylines.

The setting is Camp Blackfoot where the scene is set with a group of teenagers who play a very nasty trick on the caretaker Cropsy (who we find out later is a nasty piece of work who loves to scare and bully the kids on camp), The trick is only meant to scare him (it involves lighting candles inside a shiny skull covered in wormy things – looked quite nice without the worms if you ask me…). The trick backfires though and Cropsy is set alight in his bunk. A la Freddie Kruger, he is burnt beyond all recognition into some kind of freak and vows to have his revenge before flinging himself in the camp lake.

We now jump forward 5 years. Cropsy has recovered enough to be released from St Catherines hospital as there is nothing else they can do for him. He’s had all the psychiatric and physical help they can give him. We are treated to an idea as to his mental state by his reaction to a over zealous porter, who insists a new trainee doctor take a look at his burns in a scene reminiscent of ‘The Elephant Man’… “Look at the poor freak”. You would feel sorry for him, was he not a sadistic sod, the porter guy deserved what he got though, irritating bastard, although we didn’t get to see what he got.

The first murder we are treated to comes at the expense of a rather unattractive skanky, smoking (YICK!) prostitute who is so disturbed by the sight of Cropsy when lightening flashes and she catches sight of him, that she screams and demands he leaves. You would think she would have seen worse than a few burns really……she is treated to impaling on a pair of shears (Cropsy signature kill tool) .

So the idea is there. Sick, scarred killer released seeking revenge. Where do we go?? A teenagers camp of course, where else? We are treated to some untethered bouncing bosoms beneath a very tight top (completely unsuitable for playing rounders / baseball) and teeny tiny knickers on a girl with a backside like a teenage boy. Typical horny young men and coy but willing young ladies. Nothing much has changed even today with these stereotypes.

During the game, a ball goes stray into the woods where Cropsy is hiding in wait. A boyish young lady with a crap Purdy haircut named Tiger narrowly escapes death by shears when she finds the elusive ball just in time and clears off. So we sit back and wait for the teens to be picked off one at a time. While we wait we’re introduced to the various ‘victims’ - Alfred; a nerdy peeping tom who likes to follow his friends to spy on them naked in the shower or getting it on in the woods. Of course we know this is setting us up for him seeing a little more than he bargained for later on.

We also meet Glazer, a brain-dead jock with more in the way of muscle than brain, who has the hots for Sally, who to be honest did my head in. She is I suppose what men would call a tease and needs a good slap for her coy, tongue in cheek behaviour and constant rebuffals of Glazer, who I ended up feeling sorry for.

A scene I found quite amusing was when the guys were trying to impress the ladies at a lake by diving in. Alfred can’t swim, so Glazer thinks it would be amusing to push him in as he’s not amused that he has been spying on girls in the shower… cue much guppy-fish behaviour and coughing and spluttering. When he’s lifted onto the jetty by a friend and he’s moving around and coughing… the immortal lines “Are you alright? Are you breathing?” are uttered…. Exactly who is going to answer the “Are you breathing” part if he isn’t is anyones guess.

Eddie, I suppose what we would call a wide boy in the UK. Boaster, ladies man, bit of a bad boy, who quite honestly doesn’t have a clue about women.

Karen, a shy, virginal, seemingly innocent young lady who seemed surprised that getting naked and going swimming with Eddie would make him want to do more than kiss. This culminates in her storming off into the woods naked, as her clothes have been strewn over various branches by that scamp Cropsy. She meets a nice demise by way of shears to the throat. Quite satisfying really, if she’d stayed and enjoyed herself, it wouldn’t have happened.

So, the older kids go on a 3 day canoe trip to Devils Creek (these names say it all really) we get the Cropsy story around a campfire and there is much merriment, attempted scares and usual behaviour you get in these movies. Its at this time we find out what a piece of work Cropsy was before the accident, so you understand why the boys did what they did back then.

After the disappearance of Karen in the woods, the kids are wondering whats happened to her and all fingers are pointing at Eddie. All the canoes are gone so it is assumed Karen left for the main camp as she was so pissed off at Eddie and accidentally released all of the canoes. A raft is duly fashioned and some of the kids head for main camp to retrieve the canoes. Enroute a solitary empty canoe is seen floating on the river. You can guess the next part… of course Cropsy is hiding in the canoe so when they row over to retrieve the canoe, every last one of them is dispensed with rather rapidly. I quite liked the no messing approach to the deaths here. No unnecessary suspense or faffing about. Hacked fingers, severed arm, sliced forehead, slit throat – muchos mess.

We leave the unfortunate youngsters on the raft and head back to Sally finally giving in to Glazer for what turns out to be a definite quickie. In a rare thoughtful moment, she decides to stay with him afterwards and he heads back to camp to get some matches to build her a fire. Cue Alfred being awoken and coming for a nosey. Well… girl naked in the wood, nosey parker… again I don’t think the next scene requires much forsight. Sally is already dead by the time Glazer returns, sadly we don’t get to find out how she met her end. Glazer ends up joining her in death and Alfred runs back to camp to raise the alarm. Camp Leader Todd to the rescue,!! although it’s a case of Cry Wolf as Alfred isn’t the most reliable witness. He soon finds out however that there is a madman on the loose as he gets whacked around the side of the noggin with the shears… why Cropsy didn’t kill him there and then I don’t know. Cropsy gives chase to Alfred…. So it looks like we have our 2 heroes as time tells me the movie is nearing its end.

Some incidentals happen in that the raft drifts back to camp with all the bodies on board. A girl swims out upon spotting the striken raft…. The age of chivalry is obviously dead … and discovers the gory scene by way of the severed arm falling out of the raft and a corpse bobbing up like a gruesome bobbing apple. Someone is sent for help… blah blah blah.

The final scene approaches. Alfred has been caught by Cropsy who has pinned him to a wooden door by his shears… again why the sympathy who knows? Todd finds Alfred and of course Cropsy appears and the final fight with the villain ensues. We have the revelation in this final scene that Camp Leader Todd was one of the original group who set fire to Cropsy (quelle surprise!) and he lights a flame thrower to seek his revenge. Enter Alfred in a final moment of brilliance where he stabs Cropsy through the back with his shears (so he got free himself??…). As Alfred and Todd leave, Cropsy does that thing only villains do where he rises again (where’s a bazooka or a grenade launcher when you need one?). Todd biffs him over the head in quite possibly the best possible kill in the movie (ironic its not from the movies murderer) and then he meets his end by way of the flame thrower… quite unfortunate really.

I empathised a bit with him as the kids were so damn annoying, so I just didn’t care who was dispensed with through out the movie. As a movie, its definitely watchable by the masses, ok, just not to my taste. Why it ended up on the list is anyones guess as it is the sort of thing my parents would have allowed me to watch when I was about 10 (well my mum would have fast forwarded any naughty bits, lol).

If I were recommending any movies from the list so far for anyone to watch, this is 1 of only 2 I would suggest (the other being The Beyond), lets hope we continue into some more watchable titles.

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Axe - Lisa's Review

*** MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS ***

I won't go through a synopsis of the movie or into any detail about anything that happens. I'll let you find that out for yourself, but I may refer to specific scenes, so if you REALLY don't like to know anything AT ALL about movies you watch, maybe best not to read on.

This movie is another one where I struggle to understand the placement on the infamous list. Maybe in the 70's when it was made, certain aspects of it were shocking, but now, with a few tiny cuts you could probably put this on the TV on a Sunday afternoon alongside Miss Marple.

For the most part I enjoyed this movie, but not because it contained any kind of tension, intrigue, horror or gore, but because it was SO bad. I know there are better of these 'so bad its good' movies out there, but some of the dialogue really had me giggling and even reaching for the remote to hear it again... I give you one such line when a poor unfortunate sod decides he would rather take his chances jumping out a window than with the 'bad guys' ..."Why did he do that? Its 12 floors?... "Nah its not. Its only 9!"... Lol. I kid you not. Excellent, and said in such a dead pan manner.

The scene this is taken from also should cause much merriment. The 'victim' is beaten mercilessly with a plastic, ginger, very ugly doll... inspiration for Chucky perchance? ;op

Another line which was just plain bad was when they approached a store clerk with a large melon and delivered the wonderful... "Ladies sure got some nice melons"... we were later 'delighted' to a view of these aforementioned melons (by way of a closeup with nothing else in the shot) being swilled in fizzy coke.... obviously for the males amongst the viewers, but sorry lads, the bra does not come off.

The movies main bad guys sometimes reminded me of the characters in Reservoir Dogs, or maybe thats what they would aspire to be if they weren't so bloody stupid and lacking in any kind of physical strength (proven by the ability of a young girl to dispense with them with so little effort!)

Back to how the movie was put together and we return to my irritating soundtrack fixation and this one does not disappoint on that front. Gone is the Bontempi organ, only to be replaced by the most irritating drum beats you're ever likely to inflict on your ears. Eventually you don't notice thankfully, but to start with it takes some getting used to.

What I did find though is that the attention to detail paid to the sound on this movie during murder scenes was quite impressive. Blades slicing through flesh and sawing noises were very distinct and realistic (well ...what I'd imagine to be realistic, having never sawed anyone with a razor).

The main heroine/intentional victim in this movie is the superbly named Lisa. In fact this film is also known as 'Lisa, Lisa' in some places. She is portrayed as the typical innocent, backward little girl, all complete with cute little virginal white dress and frilly cuffs. However this notion is quickly squashed by her deft ability to behead a chicken for her invalid grandfathers dinner. This girl doesn't mind a bit of blood... just as well really....

I'm unsure as to whether her acting was completely wooden and deadpan or her character was so emotionally 'dead' from her banal existence of caring for her paralyzed grandfather that she had simply lost any reactionary ability.

This movie is tagged as 'rape' and 'revenge'. Thats pretty much all you need to know to understand the premis and neither of the 2 subjects are portrayed in a particularly horrific manner, leaving me confused as to where the prosecution arose from...

The only other comment I would make about this movie would be to say there are several obvious attempts at arty shots. Shots which no doubt snotty little media students and people who think too much about these kind of things would read all sorts into... (a tie in the bath dripping with blood after a murder, paintings on the wall of very innocent and cheerful subjects being flashed in during the movies main murder scenes). I just don't have the inclination to try to dissect what they wanted us to interpret these as, but they seemed kind of out of place in this kind of movie to me.

In conclusion, nothing to write home about, but several 'funny' scenes. Won't disturb or horrify you. Its only just over an hour long so it won't take too much time out of your day.

Gore: 2/10 (there barely was any)

So bad its good score: 4/10

Overall score: 4/10

I'll leave you with one thought after watching this movie... 'Don't mess with Lisa!' ;op

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.