Human Experiments - Will's Review

With a title like that I expected this to either be, or attempt to be, incredibly nasty, Perhaps detailing atrocities similar to those committed at Unit 731, or at very least something akin to the Nasty Nazi movies we have seen so far.

And yet, once again, I am made to fondly look back on trash like The Beast In Heat as "the good old days"...

Our Heroin is accused of a mass-murder she didn't commit (and which a simple print-dusting and ballistics analysis would have cleared her of - she never touched the gun that was used in the killings) and sent to the world most lax prison.

We never see her trail, but she arrives at prison in a red dress, heeled shoes and a necklace - clothes clearly unsuitable for court or prisoner transport.

Once she arrives, her and the other new arrivals are showered and given their prison uniforms (fetching blue numbers). What follows is mostly like a very, very, dull version of Prisoner: Cell Block H, except with a secret lab in the basement.

And that's where things should get interesting...but don't.

The only "Human Experiment" on display, is one where women are reduced to a child-like state (we don't see how) in order that they can be 'raised' properly, thus re-rehabilitation. as best i can tell, the extent of this 'raising' is asking them to locate a cut-out of Mickey Mouse's head, among an assortment of geometric shapes, and occasionally being presented with a 'grown up' meal, to see how well they eat their mashed potatoes.

There are only 14 minuets left of the film before our heroin gets involved in (or even learns of) the experiments, and before that point we only see them twice; the rest of the film is literally nothing more than women doing prison stuff - Tending the garden, playing arcade games in the rec room for boxes of sweets (no cigarettes, although some of them do smoke), taking roll call... dull!

And either I blinked and missed him, or we didn't even get the strange dwarf dude promised on one of the video covers I found online:

Sadly, This appears to be a different movie.

Body Count: 4

Boob Count: 4

Animal Body Count: countless insect specimens are on display, and a few bugs probably get squished, but not close-up enough to confirm.

Most Memorable Death: Just Hangin' in her cell...

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