Anthropophagous 2000 - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS *** (for what it's worth)

There are sometimes weeks when the movie isn't that hot, sometimes it's awful and sometimes we are very tempted to write "This was absolute shite" and leave it at that.  Sadly, for me, this was the latter.

This movie is a remake of 1980 movie of the same name (removing the 2000).  While the original movie wasn't all that hot, this one is just absolute bollocks!  I suppose I should elaborate as to why I felt this was the case?

I'm not going to go into detail as to the premise, as I very much doubt anyone will want to see this movie on the strength of my review.  Man kills his wife when she refuses to let him eat their dead child to survive after an accident at sea.  He eats them both and then goes mad and kills and eats other people.  That should about sum it up for you.  Why didn't I enjoy it?

The acting was probably amongst the worst I have seen.  The gore looked like something a GSCE art student produced (that's probably an insult to GCSE art students).  Victims are replaced with what looks like a rubber model of themselves (that bears absolutely no resemblance to them) and then over the top, unrealistic, ridiculous gore is spattered upon us.


 In one specific scene I struggled to understand what actual body part is being tugged out of one victims mouth... it looked like intestines (much too long for the tongue), but since the killer put his hand to the back of the victims throat and pulled, it's anyones guess.

Arms and heads are forcibly pulled off simply by the sheer strength of our bad guy.  Various bits which should be anatomically there are not and vice versa.  Victims flail about and make no attempt whatsoever to run.  A pregnant woman flounders on her back and allows her stomach to be cut open and her unborn baby to be lifted out and bitten into, with nothing more than a few squeals.

The bad guy himself tugs out his own innards and chews on them after being shot multiple times and STILL has the strength to give chase to the last survivor and try to kill him!

If the gore scenes are laughable, then you have to see the sex scenes.  I have never seen such passionless love making in all my life.  The actors looked positively bored shitless!  On one positive point, nice to see tattoos, piercings and long haired dudes in movies.

I don't think there is much else I can say about this movie.  I HATED it.  I didn't even laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.  I didn't have to think twice about slapping a big fat AVOID on its ass!

Coffin Baby - Lisa's Review

*** SPOILERS ***

Before I watched this movie, I noticed from a little online research that it wasn't especially popular.  Actually that's me being kind.  People seem to HATE this movie, thinking it a poor sequel to the remake of Toolbox Murders, so I wasn't expecting very much.

Did I hate the movie on the same level as most other people who submitted their opinions online?  It seems not.  It's an odd one.  There were aspects of this movie which were great!  I loved how it looked, the scene settings, the bad guy looked awesome, the gore was incredible.  Some of the scenes were amongst the most gruesome I have ever seen in a movie.  When I say most gruesome, what I mean is, they look very real.  There is no faffing about and suspense here.  It's in for the kill - pun intended!

Our basic premis here involves a young woman who is kidnapped by a murderer who is responsible for killing her sister.  He holds her captive and makes her watch while he tortures and murders others in front of her in many different adventurous ways.

The plot itself was sadly full of holes and raised many questions which were never answered or addressed.  Some details which seemed imporant throughout the story seemed to have been forgotten and were just left hanging.   In places the acting was a bit 'hammy' and overdone.  I have seen much, much worse though.



Moving on to the positives, the first murder scene in the movie is almost impossible to watch without registering some form of disgust or cowering away from the scene you're witnessing.  It involves a very graphic facial mutilation before the actual murder itself, which had me cringing and thinking I may find it too difficult to watch this movie if there were more of the same.  The special effects, sounds and general way this is depicted all seemed very realistic to me.  So realistic it made me actually feel pretty damn uncomfortable watching it.

Did the gore continue?  Well yes, but I think that particular scene was the one which freaked me out the most.  Another scene starts off quite amusingly where a young black man has got out of his car (egged on by his mates) to move a random trolley that's blocking his way.  Cue our bad guy who is not best amused that his belongings have been tampered with.  An argument of sorts ensues where the young guy is wildly gesticulating at our bad guy.  I was chuckling away when the mood changed very quickly and some more gore is thrown our way.

This theme does continue and there are many more good examples of these effects to keep all gore hounds happy.     There are a couple of rather nasty beheadings (one of which was particularly realistic and not something I enjoyed watching at all) and a woman who is tied to a table and has slices of her flesh cut out and cooked to be eaten while she is still alive.  The killer makes our hostage eat the flesh also and as she is starving, she is unable to help herself.  A man is cut in half from the groin to the head with a table saw... the list continues.

Now, where the movie falls down.  As I said earlier, the plot-line is very weak, there are inconsistencies everywhere, the acting, while it is not the worst I've ever seen is a bit over dramatic in places.  It all seemed to end very quickly for my liking and without any proper kind of justice.  Also a supernatural element that there really was no need for is introduced.  This actually detracted for the movie for me.

All in all, it wasn't as awful a movie as reviews online would have you believe.  I certainly didn't feel like I'd wasted my time in watching it, like is sometimes the case, but I doubt it's going to make many peoples top 10 movie list.

I would only recommend to anyone I know likes a bit of gore and isn't bothered about depth of story.

Come Out And Play - Lisa's Review

This is a remake of the original Who Can Kill A Child? which we have already reviewed as part of 'Beyond Nasty'.  While we both enjoyed the original movie (read the review above for the premise), I have to say for me at least, this movie falls very far short.

Quite often you see a remake and think.... why?  What was the point in that?  Sometimes you hear a movie is going to be remade and you think... it may be ok, I'll give it a chance.  I was in the latter camp, having enjoyed the original but not having put it on some kind of pedestal, that the idea of a remake would have been abhorrant.

Sooo, why was I unimpressed?  Well the remake added nothing at all, so I struggle with the need for a remake.  As far as I could see, the only difference was a few more graphic images, which ironically were not as strong as the lack of a clear view in the original.  Images include the repeated stabbing and pelting with rocks of an elderly man who is being dragged through the street by his feet.  This ends with a rock being dropped on his head from a great height.  In the original movie, the old guy was actually used as a piñata by the kids and although the images were nowhere near as graphic, to me it seemed more sadistic and twisted to be using someone as an actual plaything.

We also see the body of a young woman which has had its faced pretty well caved in and its abdomen cut open and most of its contents removed.  The children are playing with the body and seem to have no squeamishness at all.  One girl actually wears severed fingers and ears as a necklace.


Maybe I shouldn't compare the 2 movies and review 'Come Out And Play' as a movie in its own right.  If I do that, I'm afraid, I would only find at best a pretty average movie.  Although the premise is a good one, a lot of the poignancy is lost for me with the lack of any kind of empathy inspired by the two movie leads and a pretty dire performance.   I also find it pretty near impossible to forget I have seen a much better version of the movie.  You know what they say.... what has been seen, cannot be unseen.

The original movie had its faults of course, which are replicated in this remake, like the stupidity of the characters throughout.  Decisions made and reactions seemed then, and seems in this, ridiculous.  Somehow it seemed forgivable in the first movie due to its plus points in other areas, but in this movie it's just damn irritating.

Another big negative for me about this movie is the lack of explanation or back story for the actions of the children.  In the first movie, we had the harrowing documentary footage by way of explanation as to how these children could have evolved to be how they are, but in this movie, we have no idea why they set about killing all the adults they encounter.  What before was a basis of a movie and added food for thought, here was completely missing.

In short, I definately wouldn't recommend this movie.  If you like the sound of the story, go and watch the original 'Who Can Kill A Child?'.  Don't waste your time on this sub-standard rehash.