And so, we finish off out second loose Italian trilogy in as many weeks; this time Fuluci's "Gates of Hell", which also included the DPP movies 'The Beyond' and 'House by the Cemetery'. Like Argento's "Three Mothers", These three films are only loosely connected, and can be watched in any order; the only connections are references to a book of magic / prophesy (The Book of Enoch) and a couple if cast members (playing different characters in each film).
In this, the first of the trilogy, the suicide of a priest opens a gate to hell in Dunwich.
Two things before we go any further.:
1. We are told (repeatedly) that Dunwich is cursed because it was by it on the ruins of Salem, and that the residents are the defendants of the original witch burners; I appreciate that the movie predates google and Wikipedia by a couple of decades, but in reasonably certain that even a cheap printed encyclopaedia would have told the writers that Salem is still standing, and still called Salem.
2. The priest no only looks uncannily like a young Christopher Lee, but is made up to be pale, with a slight redness around the eyes and brushes back dark hair. I honestly expected to see fangs every time he opened his mouth!
Back to the movie:
This suicide is 'witnessed' by a group in another part of the country, who are holding a seance - this proves to be too much for one poor young lady, who dies of fright on the spot.
Inexplicably, her death doesn't stick, and so after she is freed from her coffin by a reporter who was originally investigating her death, they head off to Dunwich together to try and close the gate to hell before All Souls' Day.
The best character (and only person in the movie who seems to be actually acting, rather than collecting a payslip) is Local simpleton Bob (John Morghen - Cannibal Apocalypse / Cannibal Ferox); not the most popular man in town, after he was once caught in the woods with a young lady (who remains his friend, so I can only guess he was with her in all innocence) Bob seems to have been branded the town pervert and scapegoat; when the people of Dunwich start dying, it isn't long before the local barflies start blaming poor old Bob.
Of course, we know that the killer isn't Bob; it's a group of super-strong, teleporting Zombies, lead by the suicide priest.
The All Souls' Day deadline, by the way, seems to be entirely arbitrary; At one point in the movie, our heroine points out that it is now All Souls' Day... But they continue anyway, and still have their final battle.
The zombies are great in this (although I'm not sure about the teleporting) with a nicely decayed look and the strength to rip the backs of people's skulls off, but it's the priest who steals the show, with his ability to fix his victims to the spot with a stare, causing their eyes to bleed and their organs to climb up out if their mouths!
The gore is top notch (duh; it's Fuluci), the plot is enjoyable, but mad (Fuluci), and the ending makes dick-all sense (again... Fuluci), but thankfully the story proper does have some resolution before the nonsensical final scene.
All in all, I feel quite happy recommending this one, but (despite the title, and the fact that it has zombies in it) don't go in expecting a 'Zombie movie' in any traditional sense.
Showing posts with label Priest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Priest. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 March 2013
Saturday, 4 February 2012
Fight for Your Life - Will's review
Minor spoilers visible some major ones in invisi-text (highlight to read)
“3 Convicts; an American, A Mexican and a Chinaman, take a black family hostage in their home in the middle of nowhere” it sounds like the setup to an outdated joke, but it is in-fact the plot of this week’s Video Nasty.
The poster claims “There is no greater violence than a Father’s revenge for the rape of his daughter”, but this rape does not occur until the last 10 minutes of the movie, so this if far from your typical “rape revenge” movie, it is, in fact, a fairly typical “Home Invasion” flick, moreover, the fathers “revenge” isn’t particularly nasty [after taunting Kane for a bit, he shoots him dead with a single shot]
Saturday, 23 July 2011
The Boogeyman - Will's Review
RELATIVELY MINOR SPOILERS
John Carradine!!! An actual actor!
That's what when trough my head as the opening credits rolled.... unfortunately, it was a case of "lets book a 'name' for one day and film 3 scenes with him in an inconsequential roll, that way we can get his name on the poster without going over budget" a trick that rarely, if ever, indicates a great film...
The film opens with a couple of kids, Lacy and Willy, perving on their mum getting it on on the sofa with her latest boyfriend (who has one of her stockings placed over his head as part of their foreplay - whether this is because he is a foot fetishist, or she's a bank-robber fetishist is never explained), mum spots them and is complicit in (indeed, encouraging of) her partners selected punishment - the little girl is sent to bed scot free, while her brother is gagged and tied to his bed, while mum and her (still stocking faced) fella go of to finish what they started in the master bedroom.
The little girl decided to free her brother using the biggest fucking knife in the house, before her brother traets us to an 'Halloween' "homage" then stabs the abusive bastard who tied him up (sadly, he lets his mother get away with her part in events).
Years later, Lacy and Willy are all growed up, and live on their aunt and uncle's farm, along with Lacy's husband, Jack, and son, Kevin. Willy is mute, and both siblings seem to have issues with knives (which I get) and mirrors (because Lacy watched the murder in a mirror, and Willy.... was watched in a mirror... okay, so I don't know why Willy has mirror issues - but he does!).
Speaking of the farm, having used the above 'Halloween' POV shot, The film-makers obviously decided to cover their asses using the old adage "Steal from one and it's plagerism, steal from many and it's research", because this is the farmhouse:
Lacy and Willie get a letter from their mother requesting they visit, which never happens and is never mentioned again, and to make a long story short (and to break the pattern of my reviews being little more than a cynical synopsis) Lacy's therapist (Carradine, badly underused as I mentioned) suggests that she goes to the house where she grew up - in order to form new memories of the house, which do not involve "that night".
Speaking of the shrink, the hypnosis session leads to another "better movie 'homage'" scene:
By the way - does anyone else think it odd that the slightly-perturbed sibling has a shrink, but the one who actually killed someone and hasn't spoken a word in the 20 years since is left to his own devices to collect knives?
Anyhoo, as luck would have it, the old house is up for sale, so Lacy and Jack go to see the place, where they encounter the (ahead of his time) brilliantly named "Timmy", who lives in the house with his 2 older siosters (and their parents, who are away). Why brilliantly named? well, this:
Thankfully, Timmy and his siblings are cannon fodder, and don't last long after our leads leave (although one of them is incredibly soft skulled, being killed my a tap on the noggin with a medicine cabinet door).
While they are there, Lacy visits her Mum's old bedroom (where Willy did in the asshat) and she is convinced she sees old stocking face in the mirror; this being a movie, she has no qualms whatsoever about picking up a chair in someone else's house and battering the mirror into pieces! Her husband pays for the damage, and takes the pieces of mirror home to glue back together (!) in an attempt to demonstrate to his wife that the mirror is safe (except for all of the sharp broken-glass edges, obviously) and jebus, is this guy good at puzzles?!
All of which amounts to set-up as, finally, 45 minuets into the movie's 80 minuet run time, the haunted mirror and the traumatised duo are all where they need to be! Huzzah!
From here on in people get possessed, other people die, priests are called, a mirror fragment flies across the room and embed itself as a ghoulish monocle, and being stabbed in the back causes a certain character to bleed profusely... from the top of his head (!).
From a technical point of view, the film is reminiscent of John Carpenter; before you get too excited, I want to to remember that Carpenter is a very overrated film maker! There; I said it! yes, I know it's horror heresy, but lets remember that he didn't just bring us "Halloween", "Halloween II", "The Thing" and "In the mouth of Madness"; he also gave the world a dreadful segment "hair" from the movie "Body Bags", the gadawfull (and utterly unnecessary) "Village of the Damned" remake, the risible "Vampires" and the decidedly average "Prince of Darkness" (worth seeing mainly for the bit where Alice Cooper runs someone through with a bicycle), so when I say "reminiscent of John Carpenter", I mean "...but not on a good day".
All in all, it's not so bad, but it's not great either - I want to tell you that it's terrible and don't bother, but I think I'm just losing patience with these films, as I gave both Absurd and Anthropophagus a pass as forgiveable time-killers, and it's better than either of those!
Body Count: 8
Animal Body Count: 0
Boob Count: 1 pair
Most Memorable Death: French kiss kebab.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.
John Carradine!!! An actual actor!
That's what when trough my head as the opening credits rolled.... unfortunately, it was a case of "lets book a 'name' for one day and film 3 scenes with him in an inconsequential roll, that way we can get his name on the poster without going over budget" a trick that rarely, if ever, indicates a great film...
The film opens with a couple of kids, Lacy and Willy, perving on their mum getting it on on the sofa with her latest boyfriend (who has one of her stockings placed over his head as part of their foreplay - whether this is because he is a foot fetishist, or she's a bank-robber fetishist is never explained), mum spots them and is complicit in (indeed, encouraging of) her partners selected punishment - the little girl is sent to bed scot free, while her brother is gagged and tied to his bed, while mum and her (still stocking faced) fella go of to finish what they started in the master bedroom.
The little girl decided to free her brother using the biggest fucking knife in the house, before her brother traets us to an 'Halloween' "homage" then stabs the abusive bastard who tied him up (sadly, he lets his mother get away with her part in events).
Instant 'Halloween': Just add eye-holes...
Years later, Lacy and Willy are all growed up, and live on their aunt and uncle's farm, along with Lacy's husband, Jack, and son, Kevin. Willy is mute, and both siblings seem to have issues with knives (which I get) and mirrors (because Lacy watched the murder in a mirror, and Willy.... was watched in a mirror... okay, so I don't know why Willy has mirror issues - but he does!).
Speaking of the farm, having used the above 'Halloween' POV shot, The film-makers obviously decided to cover their asses using the old adage "Steal from one and it's plagerism, steal from many and it's research", because this is the farmhouse:
The Boogymanville Horror.
Lacy and Willie get a letter from their mother requesting they visit, which never happens and is never mentioned again, and to make a long story short (and to break the pattern of my reviews being little more than a cynical synopsis) Lacy's therapist (Carradine, badly underused as I mentioned) suggests that she goes to the house where she grew up - in order to form new memories of the house, which do not involve "that night".
Speaking of the shrink, the hypnosis session leads to another "better movie 'homage'" scene:
"Your mother sucks boogymen in hell!"
By the way - does anyone else think it odd that the slightly-perturbed sibling has a shrink, but the one who actually killed someone and hasn't spoken a word in the 20 years since is left to his own devices to collect knives?
Anyhoo, as luck would have it, the old house is up for sale, so Lacy and Jack go to see the place, where they encounter the (ahead of his time) brilliantly named "Timmy", who lives in the house with his 2 older siosters (and their parents, who are away). Why brilliantly named? well, this:
BOOGYTIMMEH!!!!
Thankfully, Timmy and his siblings are cannon fodder, and don't last long after our leads leave (although one of them is incredibly soft skulled, being killed my a tap on the noggin with a medicine cabinet door).
While they are there, Lacy visits her Mum's old bedroom (where Willy did in the asshat) and she is convinced she sees old stocking face in the mirror; this being a movie, she has no qualms whatsoever about picking up a chair in someone else's house and battering the mirror into pieces! Her husband pays for the damage, and takes the pieces of mirror home to glue back together (!) in an attempt to demonstrate to his wife that the mirror is safe (except for all of the sharp broken-glass edges, obviously) and jebus, is this guy good at puzzles?!
Willy admires his brother-in-law's mad jigsaw skillz.
All of which amounts to set-up as, finally, 45 minuets into the movie's 80 minuet run time, the haunted mirror and the traumatised duo are all where they need to be! Huzzah!
From here on in people get possessed, other people die, priests are called, a mirror fragment flies across the room and embed itself as a ghoulish monocle, and being stabbed in the back causes a certain character to bleed profusely... from the top of his head (!).
From a technical point of view, the film is reminiscent of John Carpenter; before you get too excited, I want to to remember that Carpenter is a very overrated film maker! There; I said it! yes, I know it's horror heresy, but lets remember that he didn't just bring us "Halloween", "Halloween II", "The Thing" and "In the mouth of Madness"; he also gave the world a dreadful segment "hair" from the movie "Body Bags", the gadawfull (and utterly unnecessary) "Village of the Damned" remake, the risible "Vampires" and the decidedly average "Prince of Darkness" (worth seeing mainly for the bit where Alice Cooper runs someone through with a bicycle), so when I say "reminiscent of John Carpenter", I mean "...but not on a good day".
All in all, it's not so bad, but it's not great either - I want to tell you that it's terrible and don't bother, but I think I'm just losing patience with these films, as I gave both Absurd and Anthropophagus a pass as forgiveable time-killers, and it's better than either of those!
Body Count: 8
Animal Body Count: 0
Boob Count: 1 pair
Most Memorable Death: French kiss kebab.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Absurd - Will's Review
I cannot for the life of me see how this movie found itself on the DPP list; much less how it was Successfully Prosecuted; It boggles the mind a a jury could watch this and find it sufficiently offensive to jail people over!
With the Tile "Absurd", and the US title "Horrible" I was so hoping to hate this film - the review would have written itself!
Okay, opens with the most casual "Chase" sequence I've ever seen (it looks like 2 guys just out for a jog) the "Acting" (both from the origional Italian actors, and the US voice actors hired to do the dubbing) is mostly terrible, and some of the effects are less than special, but it has a certain charm to it, and with another pass of the script and a better cast, I think it could actually have been quite good!.
When 2 men arrive form Greece to a small town (I believe, despite its Italian roots, the film is set in the USA), things take a turn for the strange - One of the men has seriously accelerated regeneration / healing powers (he needs to be operated on after impaling himself on a fence during the aforementioned jog, and almost heals while still in theatre) the other is a mysterious priest, reluctant to divulge any information about himself, or healing-man.
We're also introduced to a family who's members include a girl on traction for a deviated spine, and the most irritating boy in the world, who's reaction to not enjoying a TV show seems to be to pull "I'm pooing myself" faces and then have the fakeist tantrum in the history of film:
The priest also gets what is now officially my 2nd favourite priest-line (after the 'Braindead' / 'Dead Alive' classic "I kick arse for The Lord"); The line "I serve god with Biochemistry" is delivered without a trace of irony or humour.
By about the 20 minute mark, the movie has all the trappings of a decent mystery, and the last half hour of the film is very reminiscent of a low-rent "Halloween", right down to the films moody electronic score, which recalls Carpenters classic theme. And some genuine tension is somehow squeezed out of "Indestructible killer v's Near-crippled Girl" which is impressive.
The movie also has a great (but Cheesy) final shot, that may have been meant as a sequel setup, but was more likely just intended to be a 'sting' (although it does feature the most awkward lingering close up of ever survivor in turn).
There are better ways to kill a couple of hours, and it's not a "get the beers in" movie, but if you can borrow a copy for free, it's worth a look when you're board one Sunday afternoon.
Human Body Count: 6
Animal Body Count: 1 (implied)
Boobs: 0
Most memorable death: Worlds fastest pre-heating oven.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.
With the Tile "Absurd", and the US title "Horrible" I was so hoping to hate this film - the review would have written itself!
Okay, opens with the most casual "Chase" sequence I've ever seen (it looks like 2 guys just out for a jog) the "Acting" (both from the origional Italian actors, and the US voice actors hired to do the dubbing) is mostly terrible, and some of the effects are less than special, but it has a certain charm to it, and with another pass of the script and a better cast, I think it could actually have been quite good!.
When 2 men arrive form Greece to a small town (I believe, despite its Italian roots, the film is set in the USA), things take a turn for the strange - One of the men has seriously accelerated regeneration / healing powers (he needs to be operated on after impaling himself on a fence during the aforementioned jog, and almost heals while still in theatre) the other is a mysterious priest, reluctant to divulge any information about himself, or healing-man.
We're also introduced to a family who's members include a girl on traction for a deviated spine, and the most irritating boy in the world, who's reaction to not enjoying a TV show seems to be to pull "I'm pooing myself" faces and then have the fakeist tantrum in the history of film:
see?
The priest also gets what is now officially my 2nd favourite priest-line (after the 'Braindead' / 'Dead Alive' classic "I kick arse for The Lord"); The line "I serve god with Biochemistry" is delivered without a trace of irony or humour.
By about the 20 minute mark, the movie has all the trappings of a decent mystery, and the last half hour of the film is very reminiscent of a low-rent "Halloween", right down to the films moody electronic score, which recalls Carpenters classic theme. And some genuine tension is somehow squeezed out of "Indestructible killer v's Near-crippled Girl" which is impressive.
The movie also has a great (but Cheesy) final shot, that may have been meant as a sequel setup, but was more likely just intended to be a 'sting' (although it does feature the most awkward lingering close up of ever survivor in turn).
There are better ways to kill a couple of hours, and it's not a "get the beers in" movie, but if you can borrow a copy for free, it's worth a look when you're board one Sunday afternoon.
Human Body Count: 6
Animal Body Count: 1 (implied)
Boobs: 0
Most memorable death: Worlds fastest pre-heating oven.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the "Reader Reviews" post for this movie.
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