I can see why this one underwent a name change... ostensibly a remake of Exposé, all that remains from the original is a writer who goes to a country home to get some work done, and runs into some trouble with their new PA. It's even less of a Remake than Toolbox Murders.
Oh, I tell a lie; they did keep one thing from the original; Linda Hayden. Hayden played the PA in Exposé, and is a housekeeper here.
This time around the author (now Paula instead of Paul) goes to her family's old holiday spot in order to write her 2nd novel. The PA (Linda) shows up and, after a perfectly normal start, begins to act violently, take over the writing of Paula's book, and even murder anyone who could interfere with the writing and publication of the novel.
Thankfully, this is another short one, coming in at 77mins including credits; I say 'thankfully' because the first half hour is as dull as hell, followed by another half hour lumbering towards a very predictable twist.
Martin Kemp (yes, the Spanda Ballet / Eastenders, guy) pulls writer and director duties and, while not entirely badly put together, it is very obviously a directorial debut; every shot is something we've seen before (often done better) and, as is too often the case with first time thriller directors, Kemp obviously spent quite some time (although not enough time) watching Hitchcock movies.
******spoilers from here******
There is, as I have said, a 'twist' , and it could have been a (relatively) interesting, if clichéd one, but for one thing...
Paula keeps having dreams in which a younger man is having sex with her, and starts bleeding and dies mid-act; During Linda's first murder (a journalist after a scoop) she screams that she (Linda) used to be regularly raped by her brother... Until she stabbed him mid-act.
If you can't work out the 'twist' from that, you've probably never seen a movie before.
Showing posts with label Writer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writer. Show all posts
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Stalker - Lisa's Review
***SPOILERS***
I put 'spoilers' as my first word here, but I doubt it will spoil anything for anyone, for as unlikely as it is that anyone besides me and Will are actually reading these review, its even more unlikely anyone who didn't 'have' to watch this movie would have any desire to... even less so after reading my review I would imagine.
So, here we have Martin Kemps first directorial debut with Stalker, a movie described as a 'remake of Expose' (a movie we watched for the Nasties challenge). Here instead of the delectable Udo Kier as the author Paul Martin, we have a rather dull, non inspiring female author called Paula Martin.
The basic premis is that she has a best selling book behind her and has had a difficult time and a nervous breakdown. She retreats to a beautiful mansion in the middle of the country to seek inspiration and peace to write her second novel. What follows could be compared to a mish-mash of movies... 'Single white female, 'Misery', 'Identity'... unfortunately it falls far short on every level when compared with any of these movies.
An assistant (Linda) is sent to help Paula with the typing of her novel. Things all seem to be going swimmingly well (asides from what appears to be a rather uncomfortable over familiarity with Linda and Paula), then Paula continues to get increasingly more and more irate at her writers block. This mild mannered, quiet, gentle woman is prone to hissy fits it seems. Linda, seemingly wanting to help starts to write for Paula. Initially absolutely furious at this intrusion and insult, Paula gives it to Linda both barrels. That seems to be the last we see of Paula as the woman we have been introduced to.
From this point onwards, it becomes clear that Linda has a nasty plan and seems to want to take over Paulas life. She advises her to have a day of rest as she is mentally troubled and feeling unwell. Meanwhile she deals with everything for Paula. 'Dealing with things' includes murdering a rather nosey journalist who has been trying to get an interview with Paula (mostly about her breakdown) for a long time. He can't believe his luck when Linda lets him in and she is openly agreeable to the interview (he thinks she is Paula). The murder is probably the only thing is the movie that doesn't make me want to take to my bed for a loooong sleep. It is rather convincing and a nice use of cheese wire I thought.
Linda also dispenses with the housekeeper by way of a hammer into the eye socket. At this point Paula realises all is not well (she doesn't know about the murders) and Lindas intentions are not as they appear to be. She realises she has been locked in her room and cannot get out.
So if you've zzzz'd along with me for this long, heres where the twist comes in. If you don't want to know, don't read on....
Throughout the film we have had brief scenes with a past physician and friend of Paulas called Leo. We find out a little more each time he is shown. Apparently he dealt with her when she went through her breakdown. We also cut to scenes of Paulas publicist Sara, who gets together for a meal with Leo where they discuss Paula. Here it is revealed that Paula and Linda are one in the same person and Linda has been 'stalking' Paula since she was a child. Paula has always been very troubled due to the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. She tells us (as Linda) she pulled his spleen out of him when he was on top of her. We also see flashback scenes showing this, which had been flashed to us throughout the movie, but made no sense until this time.
We move on to Leo travelling to the house with Sara to see Paula. He is panicked because he finds out the journalist has gone to see her and is worried for his safety. This visit leads to Leos murder by way of a knife in the back. Sara escapes into a wooded area and when Linda/Paula eventually catches up to her, she pushes her backwards into a tree which impales and kills her. All very quick...completely unlike the first 3/4 of the movie.
So... everyone at the house is dead, yet there is a spectacular book on a laptop which Saras beady eyes have seen... so how does the movie end? Yup,. as predictably as the old 'split personality' slant... Sara publishes it as her own... *YAWN*
This movie was MONUMENTALLY dull. The last 15 minutes were much better than the previous hour, but I don't think it was worth it for something that I had guessed long before it was revealed. I would suggest if you have no need to see this movie, AVOID it. Big fat waste of time.
I put 'spoilers' as my first word here, but I doubt it will spoil anything for anyone, for as unlikely as it is that anyone besides me and Will are actually reading these review, its even more unlikely anyone who didn't 'have' to watch this movie would have any desire to... even less so after reading my review I would imagine.
So, here we have Martin Kemps first directorial debut with Stalker, a movie described as a 'remake of Expose' (a movie we watched for the Nasties challenge). Here instead of the delectable Udo Kier as the author Paul Martin, we have a rather dull, non inspiring female author called Paula Martin.
The basic premis is that she has a best selling book behind her and has had a difficult time and a nervous breakdown. She retreats to a beautiful mansion in the middle of the country to seek inspiration and peace to write her second novel. What follows could be compared to a mish-mash of movies... 'Single white female, 'Misery', 'Identity'... unfortunately it falls far short on every level when compared with any of these movies.
An assistant (Linda) is sent to help Paula with the typing of her novel. Things all seem to be going swimmingly well (asides from what appears to be a rather uncomfortable over familiarity with Linda and Paula), then Paula continues to get increasingly more and more irate at her writers block. This mild mannered, quiet, gentle woman is prone to hissy fits it seems. Linda, seemingly wanting to help starts to write for Paula. Initially absolutely furious at this intrusion and insult, Paula gives it to Linda both barrels. That seems to be the last we see of Paula as the woman we have been introduced to.
From this point onwards, it becomes clear that Linda has a nasty plan and seems to want to take over Paulas life. She advises her to have a day of rest as she is mentally troubled and feeling unwell. Meanwhile she deals with everything for Paula. 'Dealing with things' includes murdering a rather nosey journalist who has been trying to get an interview with Paula (mostly about her breakdown) for a long time. He can't believe his luck when Linda lets him in and she is openly agreeable to the interview (he thinks she is Paula). The murder is probably the only thing is the movie that doesn't make me want to take to my bed for a loooong sleep. It is rather convincing and a nice use of cheese wire I thought.
Linda also dispenses with the housekeeper by way of a hammer into the eye socket. At this point Paula realises all is not well (she doesn't know about the murders) and Lindas intentions are not as they appear to be. She realises she has been locked in her room and cannot get out.
So if you've zzzz'd along with me for this long, heres where the twist comes in. If you don't want to know, don't read on....
Throughout the film we have had brief scenes with a past physician and friend of Paulas called Leo. We find out a little more each time he is shown. Apparently he dealt with her when she went through her breakdown. We also cut to scenes of Paulas publicist Sara, who gets together for a meal with Leo where they discuss Paula. Here it is revealed that Paula and Linda are one in the same person and Linda has been 'stalking' Paula since she was a child. Paula has always been very troubled due to the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. She tells us (as Linda) she pulled his spleen out of him when he was on top of her. We also see flashback scenes showing this, which had been flashed to us throughout the movie, but made no sense until this time.
We move on to Leo travelling to the house with Sara to see Paula. He is panicked because he finds out the journalist has gone to see her and is worried for his safety. This visit leads to Leos murder by way of a knife in the back. Sara escapes into a wooded area and when Linda/Paula eventually catches up to her, she pushes her backwards into a tree which impales and kills her. All very quick...completely unlike the first 3/4 of the movie.
So... everyone at the house is dead, yet there is a spectacular book on a laptop which Saras beady eyes have seen... so how does the movie end? Yup,. as predictably as the old 'split personality' slant... Sara publishes it as her own... *YAWN*
This movie was MONUMENTALLY dull. The last 15 minutes were much better than the previous hour, but I don't think it was worth it for something that I had guessed long before it was revealed. I would suggest if you have no need to see this movie, AVOID it. Big fat waste of time.
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Exposé - Will's Review
Sorry for the late review, when I'm not doing this, I'm self employed, and I've been battling my accounts ready for the end of the month deadline...
Anyway, This weeks movie; Exposé is the only British movie on the DPP list, it's also the first one (at least alphabetically) to star horror mainstay Udo Kier (we'll be seeing him again in 'Flesh for Frankenstein') - indecently, Udo was offered the Japanese profits in exchange for his appearance, he instead insisted on an actual fee; almost inevitably, the film was a massive hit in Japan...
So, is it any good?
Meh!
There's nothing wrong with it as such (apart from the hideous tit's of 'sex symbol' Fiona Richmond) but it's not terribly exciting either, and the structure is slightly odd - It is made obvious early on that Udo's new secretary is stalking him (we see her masturbating to his picture, which she had before she met him) - something which feels like it aught to be a twist, and although the killer is (for the first kill at least) unseen, there is never any reason to suspect anyone other than the secretary / stalker.
Anyway, This weeks movie; Exposé is the only British movie on the DPP list, it's also the first one (at least alphabetically) to star horror mainstay Udo Kier (we'll be seeing him again in 'Flesh for Frankenstein') - indecently, Udo was offered the Japanese profits in exchange for his appearance, he instead insisted on an actual fee; almost inevitably, the film was a massive hit in Japan...
So, is it any good?
Meh!
There's nothing wrong with it as such (apart from the hideous tit's of 'sex symbol' Fiona Richmond) but it's not terribly exciting either, and the structure is slightly odd - It is made obvious early on that Udo's new secretary is stalking him (we see her masturbating to his picture, which she had before she met him) - something which feels like it aught to be a twist, and although the killer is (for the first kill at least) unseen, there is never any reason to suspect anyone other than the secretary / stalker.
The Movie's 'twist' revolves instead around WHY she is stalking him... but it doesn't really shock the way I think it was supposed to, and doesn't gel at all with the (frequent) masturbation.
The highlight for me had to be the fact that a rapist (Jacko, from 80's sitcom Brush Strokes) seemingly survives days in a cornfield with shotgun wounds to the face, without actually crawling away, and then continently dies immediately after doing the thing the scriptwriters kept him alive to do.
Not bad, but a bit dull, and with terrible stabbing effects (which are still more convincing than those tits - shudder)
Body Count: 5
Boob count: 2 pairs (if you count those god-awful falsies as 'boobs')
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable death: Shower scene revisited (badly)
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
Exposé - Lisa's Review
***SPOILERS***
I start this review a little guiltily knowing I should probably think this movie was pants, but I actually quite enjoyed it. It had me cackling most of the way through.
The premis here, is an up himself author (Paul Martin) who has 1 successful book behind him (he keeps telling anyone who will listen how well it did and how much he made from it) attempting to write book number 2. He takes off to a quiet house in the country and goes about hiring a typist to assist him in his endeavours. He decides not to bring his lady friend with him after tiring of her and I'm not surprised it has to be said. NEVER have I seen a more hideous, overly tanned (she looks roasted!) and wierd chested woman in a movie. During the woman on top sex scenes, her boobs don't move AT ALL, no swaying, nothing!!! Also her acting when it comes to displays of esctasy is downright scary. I would be terrified if I was shagging that! Wierdly Paul always wears rubber gloves when he is having sex and he has flashes in his mind of some man outside a window and him covered in lots of blood every time. I don't think they ever explained that.
Sooooo our author Pauil clears off to the country and is soon met at the station by his typist (Linda)- a very pretty and we soon learn nympho type. She is harranged by a couple of thugs, who do the usual leering crap we come to expect for a pretty woman in a movie. They are dealt with very swiftly and impressively by this 'stiff-looking' suited author when he embarrassingly knocks 7 shades of excrement out of them.
The movie is quite slow and mostly centers around him dictating the text to Linda and the sexual tension that builds very quickly between them. He discovers she has a vibrator in her suitcase (oh quelle suprise! naughty girl!) and this seems to make him think its ok to try her room when he hears suggestion moans coming from behind a closed door. Yes, she is having a little fun alone time and knows he is there trying the door and peering in at her nakedness (she's finished by this stage) but she doesn't seem to care.
The scene which leads to her need for relief is most amusing. Paul dictates a new paragraph to her all surrounding going down on a woman... its all 'tongue darting here and there' etc etc. Before any climax is reached or any real filth is alluding to, he says 'Ok, thats enough for now'.. You could literally FEEL the frustration!
Another amusing scene after she emerges from her room post play is when he says 'You've been a long time' and she finishes his sentence 'in coming?'.. its so bad, its hilarious!
On another very wierd scene, she goes for a walk in a cornfield and has another go, but shock horror, the 2 guys from earlier at the station are there and ready to rape her. She doesn't seem bothered at all and if anything looked like she enjoyed it to me. She even strokes the shotgun one of them is holding her with. Afterwards, she shoots them both with the gun.. It sort of left me wondering what the hell the point of the scene was.. I suppose something else sexual was needed.... who knows.
So you're wondering where the hell this movie is going.. Pauls girlfriend shows up on his invite after Linda spurns his advances. He needs a bit, so here she is for some more scary sex and even some lesbian sex with Linda. She gets everywhere. I think Linda sleeps with her just to wind Paul up.
So everyone is having sex, frustrating each other and masturbating.. where are we going???
Basically we discover that Linda was married to the real author of Pauls first book that made him so much money. He stole the book and took the credit and she intended to get her revenge.
She attempts to kill him by cutting the brakes on her car, but he survives by crashing into a river and heads back to the house.
I won't spoil the ending completely but after a very slow movie, it all ends rather abruptly and obviously.
I know this movie was terrible but I enjoyed it because it was so bad. Why its a video nasty is anyones guess.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
I start this review a little guiltily knowing I should probably think this movie was pants, but I actually quite enjoyed it. It had me cackling most of the way through.
The premis here, is an up himself author (Paul Martin) who has 1 successful book behind him (he keeps telling anyone who will listen how well it did and how much he made from it) attempting to write book number 2. He takes off to a quiet house in the country and goes about hiring a typist to assist him in his endeavours. He decides not to bring his lady friend with him after tiring of her and I'm not surprised it has to be said. NEVER have I seen a more hideous, overly tanned (she looks roasted!) and wierd chested woman in a movie. During the woman on top sex scenes, her boobs don't move AT ALL, no swaying, nothing!!! Also her acting when it comes to displays of esctasy is downright scary. I would be terrified if I was shagging that! Wierdly Paul always wears rubber gloves when he is having sex and he has flashes in his mind of some man outside a window and him covered in lots of blood every time. I don't think they ever explained that.
Sooooo our author Pauil clears off to the country and is soon met at the station by his typist (Linda)- a very pretty and we soon learn nympho type. She is harranged by a couple of thugs, who do the usual leering crap we come to expect for a pretty woman in a movie. They are dealt with very swiftly and impressively by this 'stiff-looking' suited author when he embarrassingly knocks 7 shades of excrement out of them.
The movie is quite slow and mostly centers around him dictating the text to Linda and the sexual tension that builds very quickly between them. He discovers she has a vibrator in her suitcase (oh quelle suprise! naughty girl!) and this seems to make him think its ok to try her room when he hears suggestion moans coming from behind a closed door. Yes, she is having a little fun alone time and knows he is there trying the door and peering in at her nakedness (she's finished by this stage) but she doesn't seem to care.
The scene which leads to her need for relief is most amusing. Paul dictates a new paragraph to her all surrounding going down on a woman... its all 'tongue darting here and there' etc etc. Before any climax is reached or any real filth is alluding to, he says 'Ok, thats enough for now'.. You could literally FEEL the frustration!
Another amusing scene after she emerges from her room post play is when he says 'You've been a long time' and she finishes his sentence 'in coming?'.. its so bad, its hilarious!
On another very wierd scene, she goes for a walk in a cornfield and has another go, but shock horror, the 2 guys from earlier at the station are there and ready to rape her. She doesn't seem bothered at all and if anything looked like she enjoyed it to me. She even strokes the shotgun one of them is holding her with. Afterwards, she shoots them both with the gun.. It sort of left me wondering what the hell the point of the scene was.. I suppose something else sexual was needed.... who knows.
So you're wondering where the hell this movie is going.. Pauls girlfriend shows up on his invite after Linda spurns his advances. He needs a bit, so here she is for some more scary sex and even some lesbian sex with Linda. She gets everywhere. I think Linda sleeps with her just to wind Paul up.
So everyone is having sex, frustrating each other and masturbating.. where are we going???
Basically we discover that Linda was married to the real author of Pauls first book that made him so much money. He stole the book and took the credit and she intended to get her revenge.
She attempts to kill him by cutting the brakes on her car, but he survives by crashing into a river and heads back to the house.
I won't spoil the ending completely but after a very slow movie, it all ends rather abruptly and obviously.
I know this movie was terrible but I enjoyed it because it was so bad. Why its a video nasty is anyones guess.
Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.
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