WEEK 17: Dead and Buried

Alternate Titles : Dead & Buried

Year: 1981

Reviews / Author Comments due: 17/9/10

DPP Status: Removed from list January 1985

BBFC Status: Passed uncut 2007

IMDB: Dead and Buried
Wikipedia: Dead & Buried

DVD: Uncut UK DVD

---

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

Contamination - Will's Review

*****Spoilers - again******

So, one of the alternate titles for this one was "Alien 2" (It's not uncommon for Italian movies to try and sell themselves as sequels to big hits), and featuring as it does, green goo, pulsing eggs and exploding torsos, It does have as much in common as some legitimate 'in name only' type sequels ('Open Water 2' I'm looking at you...), but that's where the similarities end.

Set firmly on earth, the movie opens with an abandoned cargo ship sailing into New York (Why is it always New York???) , It's quickly boarded and put into quarantine, where the crew are found to be huddled together in a couple of rooms, burst open, and the cargo of "Coffee" turns out  to be alien eggs, which periodicly burst open, causing anyone in the vicinity to explode.

Which happens pretty much instantly, begging the question "Why were the crew crammed into a couple of rooms", What? Did they stop dinner half way through and go play 'sardines' while the 'hider' carried one of the eggs? whatever, it's never explained!

Speaking of the cargo, this movie contains a brilliant example of the odd dialogue you only encounter in Italian films:

Of course!

All in all though, not a bad film for a throwaway 80's Sci-Horror, the makeup effects were great, and the exploding torsos would have been, if only they hadn't been shot from an angle that made it obvious that the actor who was about to explode had just gained about 50 pounds. When we finally meet a full grown alien creature, on the other hand, it is realisably bad, and has a helerious method of killing / eating that's almost worth seeing the movie for!


Body Count: 18
Boob Count: 0
Animal Body Count: 1
Most Memorable Death: Eaten by an arm

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Contamination - Lisa's Review

***** Full of big fat spoilers as always. *****

This movie is said to be a rip off of Alien.

Apart from the existence of pulsating eggs, I didn’t see it myself.

So our movie kicks off with a large ship, The Carribean Lady that has sailed into New York completely abandoned. It had been to the tropics. The relevant people in big white contamination suits go on board and the ship is like a ghost ship, the captains log (titter) is found to have the most recent entry only 24 hours earlier by the captain Pedro Mendez where everything appeared to be fine.

It seems the crew were disturbed in the middle of their dinner as the table is full of incomplete meals.

So the guys take to a door…with all the deliberation and talk about going through it, its obvious we’ll fine our answer to the disappearance of the crew on the other side. Sure enough our Captain Mendez’s corpse falls out in not too great a state it has to be said (pretty good make up here though). A further room reveals the rest of the crew in a similar state. Lots of blood, goo, split skin, burst open bodies and entrails. What I find amusing so far is the actors stating the obvious at every turn, just in case you weren’t sure what was happening by looking at it on the screen.

They seem to think we need some kind of narration.

The discovery of green pods which spew ‘green gunk’ to give it the description used in the movie is also announced via our actors. They are found in the midst of a massive shipment of coffee. The guesses at what exactly they are range from a big avocado to a melon and the wonderful “They look like big green eggs to me”. You know the saying ‘Curiosity killed the cat’? Well it killed all but 1 of the men in big white suits in this instance when they just had to lift up one of these pulsating green eggs. It explodes its ‘green gunk’ all over their faces which proceed to melt. I was finding this scene really amusing down to the sounds made and the general feel of the scene, but then their abdomens all exploded rather impressively spewing organs everywhere leaving me open mouthed in delight feeling what only fans of horror gore know. Nice!!

The guys are obviously all dead and the one guy who survives is put into ‘decontamination’ with no clothes which is he rather non plussed at as he is a tad cold and misses his Gucci watch etc… you would think he would be feeling rather lucky to be alive after what he just witnessed, but a little water washing him down and a lack of clothes obviously was much more of a trial.

We follow with examination of one of the eggs under laboratory conditions by Colonel Stella Holmes who is now in charge it seems. A big needle is stuck in it and green gunk is taken out, or as we are informed 100% acid. Ooooooooh no…cute white rat… massive syringe of 100% acid…..result? Exploding rat. How on earth they did this I have no idea, but the effect was dramatic and very good for the movies time (1981 I think). From the year I would doubt (thankfully) that’s its a real rat though.

Kudos for effects good enough to bring that into question though.

After much deliberation they finally crack onto the fact that the eggs must not be from this world and could possibly have come back via an astronaut on a mission. All of a sudden they remember a mission to Mars where 2 astronauts supposedly encountered eggs.. Hmmmm. One of the astronauts (Hubbard) who reported what he saw was written off as mad and lost his job. The other (Hamilton) who was hypnotised by the eggs on Mars completely denied he had even seen anything of the sort. He was supposedly killed in his private plane years later.

So they have no choice but to use ‘mad’ Hubbard as their hired help to look into the eggs.

Sooooo after a very odd scene where Colonel Holmes goes to visit Hubbard to tell him she now believes him (she was originally on the board that struck him off). She also shows him photos of the eggs and ask him to go to South America in search of the coffee plantation the eggs came from with them to help. After a bit of refusal, a slur of not being a real man from Ms Holmes and a slap across the face to prove he is from Hubbard, he finally agrees. What I found most odd about English Hubbard is the fact when he talks it sounds like he’s reading straight out of a novel…. Since when did you describe something as ‘radiating light’ when you’re talking about it. Nice dialogue I suppose. The Americans must think all English people are remarkably intelligent and well educated.

So we’re in South America now with Hubbard, Holmes and a cop – Aris, who is a bit of a cad and describes Holmes as ‘a waste of a good looking women’… I think he means one with brains…. Oh dear, how sad.

While having a shower, Stella gets locked in her bathroom with a pesky egg!!! One quite amusing scene shows her banging on the bathroom door shouting “Help! Let me out of here!! Theres an egg!”, Mwhahahahahaha. Is it wrong that I found it funny. Meanwhile Aris and Hubbard have met up and are wondering where she has got to. That doesn’t send them in any mad rush to find her though. We get treated to another line of “Get me out of here, theres an egg!”. I have another giggle.

However now Hubbard rushes to the rescue and gets her out just in time before the egg explodes.

Now we get treated to a twist in the tale. It seems Hamilton (Hubbards original astronaut partner) is alive and well and living in South America. They had planned for the egg to kill Stella and when it explodes and doesn’t kill her, he can sense that the egg is no more and she is still alive. Hmmmmmmm, the plot thickens.

Stella and Aris cunningly work out that they are breeding the eggs when they are trying to buy a massive shipment of coffee (by mentioning the ship it came in on – stupid move). Stella obviously recognises Hamilton and they are duly tied up for their stupidity. Moving scenes follow where they get all intimate and kissy like…. Come on!! Wheres the action?? Meanwhile Hubbard is in a small plane flying over the plantation trying to see whats going on. He has something of a bumpy landing right in the middle of a field. Uh Oh!! He finds a partially dead (alive for about 30 seconds) man who says that ‘white zombies’ did it to him when asked what fate befell him. He finds lots more green eggs in the field and hides out of the way when he hears voices. Lots of men in white contamination suits and masks (ahhh white zombies) appear and start collecting eggs in steel boxes.

As only 1 suited guy is left behind, he whacks him over the head and nicks his suit joining the other guys.

So we’re nearing the end it seems. As in a game you’ve painstakingly reached the end of, we’re about to meet our bad guy. The monster which has been spewing forth these eggs is not as naff as I thought he’d be (reminded me a bit of Kang or Kodos from the Simpsons). It was all slimy like and not too disappointing. One by one Aris and Stella (don’t know why I prefer his surname and her first name, but I do) are lured towards the beast by way of its hypnotic flashing eye (kind of like a car headlight) Aris is consumed somewhat like an anaconda consumes its prey. Pretty tame scenes, nothing disturbing here. Cue Hubbard to the rescue. He has made his way through the building by way of taking Hamiltons female accomplice hostage. A few people are shot, he comes to the rescue and just as you think he is about to be hypnotised by the beastie, he shoots it in its big eyeball.

Long death scene short, beasties bursts into flames and dies and at the same time Hamilton bursts open with innards that look remarkably like blamange (disappointed with the lack of blood here which made the other guys demises much more dramatic).

Seems they were linked…

We are left with the statement that Hamilton didn’t come back to earth, he is still on Mars. What came back in his body, was not him. The final scene is a New York street

and a big pulsating green egg sitting in a bin bag in a back street which explodes just as the credits roll.

Soooo, what did I think? Well it wasn’t awful, there were some good effects. The monster wasn’t too bad. There were some stereotypes, sure and some laughable bits, but all in all, it was an ok movie. Pretty typical of this sort of thing for the 80’s. Probably worth it for the exploding torsos throughout the movie.

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Cannibal Man - Lisa's Review

So Cannibal Man kicks right into a messy scene in a abattoir where cows are being prepared for meat sale. Its all very bloody and messy but they are already dead so there are no death scenes to be had. If you eat meat, you kinda of have to be ok with this, if not, then there’s no point in eating meat and being hypocritical about it. I completely abhor animal cruelty and unnecessary suffering for any reason, but accept we kill animals for food. As a river of blood runs through the abattoir we see a worker, who we later learn is our main character – Marco, getting tucked into his lunch. Pretty strong stomach there then.

The main action starts as Marco and his girlfriend Paula are taking a taxi ride and get rather amorous in the back of the car. The taxi driver takes exception to this and asks them to get out. Marco is having none of it and comes out with the corker of a line “Haven’t you ever been with a girl before? What are you? Some kind of homosexual?” Oooooh dear.

A scuffle commences outside of the car and while the driver is giving Paula a slapping (that her father never had time to give her apparently) Marco hits him over the head with a rock and kills him.

As we progress, we sense Paula is regretting what happened and after what looked to be a very weird love scene (how either of them got anything from all the open-mouthed groaning and not much else, who knows…) we tells Marco that she wants to go to the police. He is obviously not too keen, so after a bit of a row he kills her too.

For some odd reason, he decides to confess to his brother Steve, who also wants to go to the police, oooh dear, a kind of pattern is forming. Steve however doesn’t want his life being ruined by Marcos faux pas, so his head meets with what looks like a rather large spanner (on a plus point, as his corpse is being dragged away, I note he has a rather lovely belly).

Here my copy of the film buggers up and the picture freezes so I can’t watch any more. I tried everything possible from forwarding chapters to just plain fwd and it not having it. When I eventually get a picture back, I can hear what’s happening about 20 minutes in advance of what I’m watching. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Sorry got to come back to this one.

I was actually quite enjoying this one. It looked like it was shaping up to be a nice little movie. I will get my hands on another copy and finish my review sometime in the future.

So I'm back and ready to finish my review.  Something that is interesting is how my reviewing changed.  I used to do what it seems is more of a plot synopsis, which you really don't need, so I'm glad at least I've cut it down a bit... so where were we...

So as the movie progresses, we have more of the same and we realise why Marco works in a abbatoir.. an excellent means of disposing of bodies.  This brings me to the rather odd naming of this movie.  No-one is murdered for food.  While disposing of the bodies in the abbatoir, the human flesh is ground down and mixed with animal meat and packaged for human consumption.. that's as cannabalistic as we get.

As I watch the movie it becomes clear the main focus is the friendship Marco forms with a posh young man called Nestor.  It is quite apparent that Nestor is gay although this is never discussed or openly admitted throughout the movie (although there are some very obvious scenes which mean it never really has to be discussed).  To me it appeared that Marco is struggling with his own sexuality, hence his connection with Nestor and his frustration being focused in altogether the wrong directions.  He doesn't have much in the way of money, promise or a life.

Nestor is a bit of an odd character.  He lives in an expensive new development that overlooks Marcos's appartment and he spends his time spying on him with binoculars.

The movie is more concerned about this blossoming friendship than the gory murders which have taken place.  Its a character piece if you will.  It moved in a completely different direction than I first expected.

I can't say I loved this movie, or even liked it to a great degree as it was a very odd mix of storylines to me, but it was far from bad and was not one of the more trying titles on the list.  

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

WEEK 16: Contamination

Alternate Titles : Contaminazione, Alien Contamination, Alien 2, Astaron Strut des Scheckens, Toxic Spawn

Year: 1980

Reviews / Author Comments due: 10/9/2011

DPP Status: Removed from list January 1985

BBFC Status: Passed uncut in 2004

IMDB: Contamination

Wikipedia: Contamination

DVD: R0 US Import, Region 2 (UK) - Both uncut.

---

Feel free to use the comments section of this post to add your own reviews and thoughts about this movie.

Cannibal Terror - Will's Review

Awful, awful movie - probably a short review this week, as I object to spending too much more time on this hunk-o-crap!

Some no-goods are planning their next scam, the woman of the group (consisting 2 guys and herself) has a chance encounter with the daughter of a car magnate;  a little girl who is horribly dubbed by an adult doing a hideous 'little girl' voice; just seconds later, have managed to kidnap her (although she doesn't seem to mind in the slightest) and decided that "the jungle" (a field with some trees) is the nest place to hide out.

The local Don hooks them up with a safe house, where one of them pervs on, and later rapes, their host's wife - Their host finds out and has a releaxed party where he and hius wife dance with the no-goods like nothing has happened, before inviting the rapist to go out hunting with him. Because the rapist is a moron (well, all rapists are morons - but this guy is dumb by their standards) he agrees to go.

The husband ties the rapist to the tree, and (rather than shooting his nuts off) whistles for the local cannibal tribe - who it seems are very well trained and come when called.

Meanwhile Manuella (our rape victim) tells... some guys (I have no idea who) that the kidnapped girl is with them, and her parents arive on a rescue mission - causing the remaining nogoodniks to flee into "canibal country" - little gril and all.

The bad guys get eaten, and the tribe give the girl back, saying that the kidnappers "got what they deserved"

The end.

I honestly believe that I just spent more time on the plot that the film-makers did!

The acting (both original and dubbing) in almost non-existent, The score is horrible, consisting mostly of a "La Bamba" rip-off played on a Casio keyboard, the effects are dreadful - at one point the "raw guts" being eaten by the tribe are clearly cooked chicken breast in tomato sauce, and the skulls that adorn the village are less convincing that the ones that adorn my dining room at Halloween (they are, literally, Halloween decoration skulls from a shop - they arn't even hollow, having just recesses for eye sockets).

And the tribe! What can I say about the tribe? they are a hodge-podge of different races and builds, sporting an array of (often 70's) haircuts, and their made-up ranges from those stripes that skiers in the 90's painted on thier face, to kids at a village fate, to colour-blind Kiss fans:

BONUS: Clip also contains one of those Halloween skulls I was talking about!

The best thing about this film was the animal body count which, after the previous 2 'propper' Cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), came as a blessed relief.

Body Count: 6
Boob Count: 2 pairs
Animal Body Count: 0
Most Memorable Death: ... I honestly can't remember any specific death! - I think a guy got hit with an arrow?

---

Please use the comments bellow only to comment on this post - to write your own review, please comment on the main post for this movie.

Cannibal Terror - Lisa's Review

My first thought on switching this on was, what extremely strange music for the start of a movie about cannibals. A kind of upbeat and chirpy ‘La Bamba’.

What I quickly learned is that this movie is so bad in every possible way that it is laughable.

Gone is the sinister undertones and creepy feel of the last 2 cannibal movies (Holocaust, Ferox), to be replaced with a movie that I struggle to find a good word to say about.

The acting it awful, the dubbing is so out of sync its too distracting to forget about, the authenticity of the tribes people in the jungle is clearly questionable, the plot is beyond weak, the acting is non existent, the soundtrack is amongst one of the most annoying I’ve ever heard!

The basic premis here is 2 fuckwits kidnap a girl for ransom and as they are so incredibly stupid, end up out in the ‘jungle’ (if that’s what you can call a few trees in a field) which is inhabited with cannibals. The cannibals actually looked like they wanted to burst out in laughter in some scenes where they were chowing down on organs. The first eating scene we are treated to went on too long and was just daft.

They obviously wanted to show you the animal carcass they were tearing apart so you could marvel at how clever the special effects were. Although in 1 part, it looked very similar to cooked chicken...

I can’t be bothered wasting my infrequent free time when the baby is sleeping to dissect this movie and write about its storyline in any detail as it just isn’t worth the time.

There is organ eating, there is more rape for titillation, but this movie sets out to be an exploitive cannibal movie and just ends up being dross. The men are irritating and so sexist and banal, its infuriating, its not even funny. In one scene, a braless female actor is advised she could do with having her ‘flippity floppity tits’ fixing, but ‘that costs money’…*le sigh*.

For the record her tits looked perfectly ok to me.

Later we have a naked woman and the wife of the host to these 2 ‘tards (Manuela – I thought that was a mans name) bathe in a big bucket later as a peeping tom spys on her supposedly seductively washing… she is then tied to a tree by aforementioned man as her protests look more like moans of ecstasy. Again titilation scenes and I really can’t be arsed. I generally question the actresses who agree to partake in scenes like this which are obviously played out for kicks. The only thing is, this movie is so damn bad, you can’t get sufficiently pissed off at it. I think the ‘idea’ of what they’re ‘trying’ to do is the only thing you could get irked at. As this scene is progressing, we cut back to Ms flippity floppity tits who is making moves on a guitar playing man who thinks repeated rubbing of her backside and leg is arousing, all while a parrot looks on.

Manuelas husband finds her and a bit pissed off as you can imagine ties the perpetrator to a tree to be left to the cannibals…

Blah blah blah, crap crap crap. Don’t watch this movie, its crap. If you’re a teenage boy and want to look at tits, I’m sure the internet has a lot less dull ways to do that. Avoid!!