Anthropophagous 2000 - Will's Review

Oh, what to say about this one? While the original was no masterpiece or summer blockbuster, one still has to question the wisdom of a bunch of amateurs re-making it on a budget of 27p; watching it though, that appears to be what has happened.

From the opening scene of the worlds most amateurish detectives, to a thunderstorm clearly filmed inside and achieved by going nuts with a dimmer switch. From an obviously pre-broken mast falling apart at its break line, to the some if the worst acting an SFX I've ever seen; for the first half hour I really thought this one was going to fall into the "so bad it's good" camp.

As with the original, a couple are introduced early in the film, simply to be dispatched; although this time around, a beach scene is replaced by a really bad soft-porn interlude in a tent.

The movie is german, with a german cast; so i was slightly puzzled as to why the aforementioned copulating couple were speaking English (with thick German accents). I can only assume they were playing English or American tourists? Either way it added to the batshit insanity, and I was at this point loving it.

We meet another Pair of campers, who, in the miday sun, declare themselves so lost that they may as well stop looking for the campsite and spend the night where they are (so lost, thy one of them decides to nip off down the pub).

Yes for the first half hour it is brilliantly bad.

Sadly, it isn't long before the rot sets in and it becomes jut another bad film, and incompetent remake of a movie that was never great to begin with.

Characters act in seemingly random ways ("where is the car", "I don't know <points>", "lets go" <walks in direction of pointing, finds car>), even the set decoration makes no sense ("Go away" is written on the INSIDE of a window).

Lodge full of corpses? Best stay inside feeling sick until someone else comes in and suggests you leave!

Been shot 6 times AND disembowelled yourself? That's no reason not to chase someone around the woods!

If it's ever classified (unlikely, given that the classification process costs more than i imagine the film itself did) then catch the first half hour when it finally makes it to the Horror Channel and laugh at it; Otherwise, Avoid.

Snuff - Will's Review

After watching Snuff, but while pondering what I could possibly write about it, I happened to read an interview with (Current Doctor Who writer-in-chief) Stephen Moffat, in which he says that "All stories are endings; the rest of the story is just a way to arrive at the ending" - which is true, and sums up nicely why a bad ending can ruin an otherwise fine movie, and why a great ending can elevate an average film.

It's also never been more fitting as I come to review a movie that was sold entirely on it's final scene.

Night of the Bloody Apes - Will's Review

Badly acted, badly directed and edited, with dialogue  translated word-by-word from Spanish with no thought to syntax or English sentence formation, this is a near perfect drive-in or freinds-and-beer movie.

Frozen Scream - Wills Review

Back in week 27, I commented that Devil Hunter was "so dull that [I] had forgotten most of it before it finished".

This week, I found myself looking back on the excitement that was Devil Hunter. With that in mind, this is going to be short...

The plot seemed to be about 2 groups of scientists who were both after the same eternal life formula, and a woman who had somthing to do with it had her ex, a PI investigate... something.

The "acting" was woefully incompetent  from the entire cast, and the direction flat. Also the voice-over (never a great device at the best of times) would frequently cut in over other conversations.

Avoid.

Body Count: 9
Boob Count: 1 (and i think it was an accident)
Most Memorable Death:My enthusiasm...

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